Should I be obsessing over naps?

[lemontree]

Hi,

My son will be 5mths next week. We co sleep at night. Up until about two weeks ago he would only nap in motion -the sling (bouncing on yoga ball or swaying) the stroller or the car. And it was kind of hit or miss- as in "he may freak out or he may fall asleep"

Anyway, I was so overwhelmed and tired from the constant motion (no "nap while the baby naps"for this one...) that I read so much stuff about baby sleep. Online on my phone as I bounced - or reading book after book "no cry nap solution" etc .... and then all that "should be" info overwhelmed me more. The no-cry author is gentle but she still goes off on how horrible it is for a baby not to take long naps.

Anyway, lately its like he needs to nap about 2 hours after he wakes up. Sometimes he naps for 20 min and a few times it's 2 hours. Sometimes the car works, sometimes the sling, sometimes we nap together and he has even slept in his crib a handful of times. (!)

Am I obsessing for no reason? Is his little body naturally sorting itself out or does he need me to guide him more? Does he need more structure? He used to sleep more on the go but now it seems like his long naps are when I'm with him in bed or in the bathroom (in his chair while I shower...) so am I doing him a disservice when I leave the house for naps? In the past it was the only way to get him to sleep....I am confused

Today for example, he has only taken short naps. On days like this he is a very very fussy little man. I feel like if I had handled his naps differently maybe he would be happier?

[beebalmmama]

Ds is only just 3 months, but he sleeps quite a bit like that. He is not an out and about sleeper. If he is too stimulated (like running errands or even being in new surroundings) he won't nap.
At home I can usually get him down for one longer nap, anywhere from 1-1.5 hours usually. But this doesn't always happen and when it does it is late in the day when he is finally exhausted. Early in the day he survives on cat naps of 15-20 minutes (maybe one or two of these and usually in arms.

I do remember a time when ds 1 needed to sleep at home. Early on he could nap on the go, but then hit a time when he needed a little more structure. He still wasn't a great sleeper but it helped. I can't remember exactly how old he was though, maybe 6 months or so.

[odoole]

Originally Posted by lemontree

Am I obsessing for no reason? Is his little body naturally sorting itself out or does he need me to guide him more? Does he need more structure? He used to sleep more on the go but now it seems like his long naps are when I'm with him in bed or in the bathroom (in his chair while I shower...) so am I doing him a disservice when I leave the house for naps? In the past it was the only way to get him to sleep....I am confused

Today for example, he has only taken short naps. On days like this he is a very very fussy little man. I feel like if I had handled his naps differently maybe he would be happier?

My son is also very fussy if he's shortchanged on naps. fortunately he sleeps pretty well on the go, but if he didn't i think i would stick at home more, because dealing with a fussy baby is no fun! if your son is happier when he's well rested, i don't think you're obsessing about naps for no reason. i hope you find something that works for him.

[atlantafemme]

My LO is 9 months now and his nap behaviors have constantly evolved. Some days he naps a lot, some days a little. In the beginning, he slept almost constantly. If he fell asleep in my arms, he was easily transferred to the swing to continue his nap. Transferring to a crib never worked. (We co-sleep at night so he's never cared much for the crib.) He also slept in the car a lot until he didn't like his carseat anymore around 4 months. Now he likes it again and will nap there.

I think all of the books make too much out of counting the hours of sleep a baby needs. I now believe that, like adults, baby sleep needs vary and as long as you're giving your LO the opportunity to nap when you think he needs it, he'll be just fine.

Btw, my guy is napping on my shoulder as I type.

[Ms. Cellaneous]

Hi,

I am in the exact same boat. My little guy is 4.5 months and we are really struggling with naps. He sleeps pretty well at night -- knock on wood -- but I feel totally at a loss with the daytime naps. The stroller usually works, but I don't necessarily want to be spending 2-3 hours a day outside walking. Of course I feel guilty for saying that because it seems lazy. It's just hard, and what works one day may not work the next.

As for obsessing, I'm right there with you. The little "charts" in various sleep books give me a stomachache, as my guy is at least 3-5 hours short of what they say he "should" be getting. And I worry that it will affect his development, etc. Sorry, I'm not really helping here am I?

What I meant to say is, what I *try* to do is not obsess on the numbers but just go by how he feels/acts. So if he's happy on 10 hours sleep, great. If he's fussy and unhappy, then clearly I need to step in and help him sleep more. That's really where I'm at now, because he is fussy when he doesn't nap, so I want to help him. The big question is HOW.

So, I guess the point is you're not alone in your nap obsession. And I'm sure, at some point, they will sleep, and I'm sure it will be all fine. Somehow. Eventually.

[maptome]

Originally Posted by Ms. Cellaneous

The stroller usually works, but I don't necessarily want to be spending 2-3 hours a day outside walking. Of course I feel guilty for saying that because it seems lazy.

Don't feel guilty. No one thinks you are lazy for that.

OP, I am yet another one of those nap obsessors. DD takes two 40 minute naps. She's 7 months now and has been doing this since 5 months. Wakes often at night. It's all of those books that make you crazy with the number of hours your baby should sleep. It is impossible to make my LO sleep more. It is hard to accept that maybe your kid doesn't need to sleep that much. Every time she's fussy or hyper, I think, "She's overtired. She needs to sleep more." I believe now that she doesn't need the 13 hours or whatever, but it is hard to live with that conviction every moment of nap drama.

[sky_and_lavender]

We've been in a similar situation since the beginning. My babe was born very alert and has never been much of an extended napper. It takes a lot of work to get a nap that's longer than 10 or so minutes after nursing, though sometimes without my intervention, she'll fall asleep in the sling.
We still rely a lot on motion and nursing/holding--even with the Pantley Pull-Off--to get her to stay asleep. Since birth, she's always woken up whenever we try to put her down to nap.

Following advice in the no-cry books, We started putting my (now 6 m.o.) daughter to bed at night much earlier (around 7pm or even earlier some nights when she's acting tired) a month or so ago. She is not sleeping really well at night (gone are nights of 5 hours in a row!), but she seems more rested when she wakes up for the day 11 or 12 hours later.

For the morning nap, which usually starts 2-3 hours after she awakens for the day, I put her in the sling, put some relaxing music on and walk around and around in the house to get her to fall asleep. Or sometimes if I have to work, I will bounce on the exercise ball while answering emails or writing. She usually whines or cries a little before she finally goes to sleep, and I have to be ready to move around (walk or bounce) if she starts to wake up again. I aim to get her to sleep at least 1.5 hours, but sometimes she does a one cycle nap and that's that.

The early afternoon nap is more tricky. Sometimes she just won't. Sometimes she'll do these mini-naps after nursing only. Depending on the day, sometimes she'll take a longer nap in the evening, around 4. The only nap I can sort of expect is the morning nap.

I think sleep is important and that it's worth an investment of time. But I try to balance the needs of daily life with my baby's naps. Also, sometimes not napping in the afternoons doesn't seem to affect her mood as much as other times. If she doesn't go to sleep after more than half an hour of trying, I often take a break for a while or even skip that nap. And if I don't have the time to wear her or hold her for two hours, then she has to cope with a shorter nap at times!

[Conifer]

I feel your pain!

My ds is 4 months and we are going through the same thing. He used to sleep for atleast an hour or so at a time, but lately his naps are only 20 minutes long. I work from home so it's really exhausting. I am trying to get some kind of schedule...more like trying to figure out his schedule (I don't force him into what is convenient for me). Lately it's just 2-3 naps at 20-30 minutes each. He sleeps in our room in a crib. I think I am going to buy thicker curtains to try and darken the room. He sleeps pretty well at night usually 7pm-7am with 1 or 2 wake ups just to eat so lately I have been working a lot at night. Well, he's taking a nap right now so I'm off to try and eat and shower before the next wake up! Let me know if you find something that works for you!!!

[lemontree]

Well, something miraculous has happened!

He has napped in his crib for the past few days. For 40min-90min. It's amazing to me because we have co slept every night of his life (he was born at home)

This is what I have done:
-brought back the swaddle for naps (!! he is about 5mths old!!!)
-blackout windows
-play same lullaby and white noise that we play all night
-watch him like a hawk. He seems to need to sleep every two hours at the most. He goes from awake to fussy from fatigue quickly so I anticipate and after he has been awake for an hour and forty min or so I go into the bedroom, singing, and change his diaper and lower the blinds - lots of snuggling and soft voice. I put on his lullaby and swaddle him. Sit on the yoga ball and softly bounce. He will want to nurse for a couple of minutes and then he starts to close his eyes. Literally- it happens in two minutes. I put him in his crib and keep my hands on him. I used to kind of "bounce" him in there, if that makes sense - softly moving my hands up and down to mimic the yoga ball feeling. But now I don't need to.

I was OBSESSING for a month, trying everything. Then one day it just clicked. Now I am sure it will change very soon but right now I think he and I are both enjoying our new little ritual.

[beebalmmama]

Great lemontree, I'm glad something is working for you and I hope it continues.

I also lower the blinds and use the white noise of our humidifier, which seems to help. I've currently given up on putting him in the bassinet (I have tried unsuccessfully MANY time). We cosleep as well and I can't get my LO to nap anywhere but the bed. I'm still hoping to but I'm trying not to obsess about it now.

[MeredithK]

I am so so happy for you! I'm also pretty jealous! I want something to work for us!