DH keeps telling me I dont educate DS enough - Page 3

[rightkindofme]

Every kid is where they are. My 21 month old knows multiple thousands of words. She talks like a four year old. She can get some pretty advanced shapes (I forget what a freakin octagon is [ok I can get it with some thinking because it sounds like octopus and they have eight legs]) but she screws up her colors (if you ask her what color something is it's always red--unless it is actually red then it's blue ) and she can sorta count to 4 and she can sorta sing the alphabet song. I haven't ever 'worked on' any of these skills and I don't think there is any benefit to doing so. She knows any of the alphabet song because we were in a waiting room and I ran out of other songs I could think up.

So on one hand my kid is kind of freakishly advanced (talking) but she's pretty average in a lot of other ways. Because she has that one big advanced area people expect her to be older and behave older and that is really not a benefit to her or to me. Let kids be kids. Don't try to push them past all of the awesome stages they are going to hit on their own. Enjoy having a baby!!

And dude, I'm only 15 weeks pregnant and if my husband started pressuring me to 'focus more on learning' (which would require tying my kid to a chair) I would start laughing hysterically before he even finished the sentiment. Yeah. Right.

[hakeber]

Originally Posted by lach

This is far more about your DH and his insecurities than it is about your child.

Originally Posted by claddaghmom

Well if he wants it, shouldn't he be sitting for an hour w/ a toddler everyday?

I mean, put me in an electric chair! Toddlers sitting still for an hour and focusing on traditional academic activities....are they tied down and drugged?

You're 33 wks w/ a toddler...how come DH isn't volunteering if 1)he's sure a toddler can handle all that learning and 2) it's important to him.

Going on a limb here to say there is more under the surface...

Originally Posted by sapphire_chan

Come on now, be nice to the guy, he's just going through a developmentally appropriate phase for a parent who is bombarded by advertising.

Sorry but, seriously, my kid is going on five and he's just been able to be "tested" on this stuff, meaning able to perform the skills on demand, within the lat year and his teacher says he's at the top of his class. He can now count to twenty IF you don't count fifteen which he has a mental block about, a block I think is due in large part to dh getting in a tizzy everytime he skips it. I can see ds just enjoys watching dh turn red.

As for sitting still for an hour learning?

Maybe if he's playing on Boowakwala or Starfall. But when dh tried to start teaching him to read and spell with our foam letters (which he prefers to build cities out of) he learned really fast the four year olds do not enjoy being kept on tasks they don't care about. Oh the tears...

He will however, and has since he was about 6 months old and able to sit and crawl around, sit for over an hour doing something he LOVES, like disorganizing the utensil drawer or building train tracks and cities (this since he was two and half) painting the tiled walls, and now the latest thing is "doing art" he has a box of markers, and some paper and he will happily explore the colors and shapes for ages.

He has learned some fun shapes and bigger numbers from music. They Might Be Giants Here come the ABCs, Here come the 123s and Here comes Science are GREAT for fun that will impress the sophisticates in your life. DS yesterday was eating a piece of watermelon and shaved it down to have nine sides and he says "Hey mom, look, it's a nonagon!" and I swear I had to look up what that was the first time we listened to the song. And a few months ago he told his friend's mom he wanted to be a Paleontologist when he grew up.

But at 19 months?

Your dh is being absurd. Your kid IS learning all of those things, but he's not a parrot or a performing monkey, and that's a GOOD thing.

Why does he NEED to be ahead of other kids his age? That's just so silly. If he's intellectually ahead (ie a genius) he will be no matter what you do, if he's not, all the "other" kids will more or less catch up to him ANYWAY come the end of first grade. Is there some Pre-Pre-school academic olympics that offer full rides to Harvard that I'm not aware of?

Just enjoy your little boy, and tell your DH to chill out and have a little fun.

[meemee]

what was your dh's experience of K like?

was he the child behind?

did others make fun of him?

is he only picking up things off the ads or is there anything deeper?

i would find out why your dh is so into this aspect of ds. i can totally see his concern comes from a place of love and care.

being ahead in class in my opinion is the same as being behind in class. both kids suffer. both needs more attention, but most likely the child who is ahead wont get it. so being ahead is not the answer.

[newbymom05]

I can't even read the whole thread because the situation so irritates me. OP, your husband is nuts. My 22 month old is barely talking. My oldest learned shapes, numbers etc by just playing and going to storytime (they were always reviewing shapes and colors), I did NOTHING academic with him, just like Dr. Sears and many, many experts recommend. And if you're going to home school, who the heck is he going to be competing with that he needs to be more advanced? Seriously, that kind of attitude would make me want to send my kids to preschool/public school ASAP--what, will your DH expect chemistry and algebra by 5?!?

Sorry, but that is just so crazy, esp w/ you pregnant! I agree with everyone else--if your DH is so concerned, HE should be the one teaching your child, although with such unrealistic expectations, that might just mean future low self-esteem/anxiety/dislike of learning/trauma for your child.

Sorry to bash on your husband, but that. is. just. nuts. Get the Sears Baby Book and What To Expect The Toddler Years from your library (an AP and mainstream perspective) and make your DH read what your child is "supposed" to be doing and when.

[prancie]

I agree with the other responses, but I will go a step forward and say that you may want to consider this a warning sign for some seriously damaging problems in the dynamic between your DH and your children (not the mention the dynamic between you and your DH). You know your DH better than all of us do, but his expectations as reported by you are so alarmingly out of the scope of reality that I would be VERY concerned if I were you. Also, you seemed almost to believe him (though some part of you obviously doesn't) which makes me think that he could be very controlling in other areas of your lives. You may have lost some perspective. The activities you listed are far and above what I would consider adequate for a toddler's development, but you classified yourself as lazy. Obviously, you are not lazy. You should be nicer to yourself!

In my opinion living normal life alongside parents is more than adequate for a child. If children needed books and toys and TV shows and all that they would be born with them. (and I'm saying this as a parent who has books and toys for her children) They are born with a mother and a father and a community, that is all that is needed for children to achieve their highest potentials.

[AllisonR]

I was going to write something nice, but thinking about it, I'm now just as appalled as everyone else. Does your DH want to extinguish every ounce of desire, squeeze every bit of joy out of the learning process? Because that is what he wants to do for your son, get him bored with "education" and/or suffer anxiety with the pressure to perform. Toddlers learn via joy, passion, experimentation. They learn about birth, death and the world around them by digging in the dirt. They learn about colors by painting and drawing and trying on clothes. They learn about numbers by looking at mail boxes and throwing dice... They do NOT learn by sitting for an hour regurgitating "one plus one equals two" or any such nonsense.

Maybe you should print out this entire thread and give it to your DH. AFTER you tell him to sit down, think about it afterwards and then you can discuss it, a day or two later. I know he might see this as harsh. But then HIS expectations are harsh. Tell him he is free to refute our views. Not with a advertisement, but any proper study will do.

[plunky]

Totally out of left field, probably, but my guess is that he's freaked and not behind the home schooling idea.

[fruitlove]

Originally Posted by sapphire_chan

Come on now, be nice to the guy, he's just going through a developmentally appropriate phase for a parent who is bombarded by advertising.

You were reading my mind!

[Cherry Alive]

Originally Posted by AllisonR

I was going to write something nice, but thinking about it, I'm now just as appalled as everyone else. Does your DH want to extinguish every ounce of desire, squeeze every bit of joy out of the learning process? Because that is what he wants to do for your son, get him bored with "education" and/or suffer anxiety with the pressure to perform. Toddlers learn via joy, passion, experimentation. They learn about birth, death and the world around them by digging in the dirt. They learn about colors by painting and drawing and trying on clothes. They learn about numbers by looking at mail boxes and throwing dice... They do NOT learn by sitting for an hour regurgitating "one plus one equals two" or any such nonsense.

Maybe you should print out this entire thread and give it to your DH. AFTER you tell him to sit down, think about it afterwards and then you can discuss it, a day or two later. I know he might see this as harsh. But then HIS expectations are harsh. Tell him he is free to refute our views. Not with a advertisement, but any proper study will do.

My father was very much like that. Being pressured to learn early had the opposite effect on me than what he had intended. It stripped me of my self esteem and drive to do schoolwork.

Children need time to progress at their own pace—especially at younger ages. Studies show that pushing early reading/mathematics/etc... before a child gets into school hinders the child's ability to thrive in school in the long run.

And an interesting thing about advanced talkers (something you may want to convey to your DH as it may bring him down to earth a little) is early speech doesn't mean your child is actually more advanced or gifted intellectually than another child. This doesn't mean your DC isn't smart or won't be gifted, but the fact he is talking early doesn't mean he needs to be "advanced" on other levels.