Putting my dream on hold (or, help me not hate my house...)

[amyamanda]

After several years of holding on to our dream of selling this house and buying land/living in a cabin/building mortgage-free, we're reluctantly putting it on hold indefinitely.

The plan had been to sell at a time when we could extract enough equity to buy land (or put at least 50% down, in any case), and then live very simply as we saved and put that money into a smaller, more energy-efficient "forever house."

Well, it's probably long overdue for me to officially accept that this plan is on hold long-term.

I'm so sad. I love that plan and want so much to live it. But the reality is, we could only sell our house for what it is worth. (Believe me, I'm thankful for that - I know lots of people are underwater right now.) We don't have any extra money to either put into fixing our house up to sell at a higher price or put into buying land. DH has been out of work for over a year with just a few small short-term things here and there (thankfully he's still getting unemployment, but it won't last forever.) We can get by reasonably comfortably with careful budgeting, but we don't have "extra." Money for land is not happening, at least not in the foreseeable future. We would need about $40,000 to get a loan

And this is secondary, but to be honest, there are reasons why it would not be good for our family to uproot in the next several years if we don't have to. So I think it is likely that we will be here for another ten-ish years, unless some magical perfect amazing possibility comes up that we can't possibly turn down.

I am open to that miracle happening, but I am going to stop focusing on hoping for it, because all this time I have been intentionally HATING my house so that I would keep feeling motivated to leave it. I didn't even realize that until now. I guess it was a protective strategy.

I'm overwhelmed with the thought of all the projects this house needs, and I could use some cheerleading. We homeschool and I work part-time. I need to budget my time as closely as my money. For reasons I won't go into, I can't rely on DH for these projects, I have to do them myself (or at least I have to be the driving force).

So I am really interested in hearing how you turn a house you hate into a house you love with a next-to-nothing budget. I am sure that is something that many of the people on this board are good at, and I really want to hear your wisdom!

[madskye]

Fresh paint makes a huge difference. Neutral colors are hard to mess up, and the fresh paint makes the room feel and smell clean and new.

I'm in NJ, and the thrifts here are great for curtains and window treatments.

Start small--pick one room to work on at a time and paint it, rearrange it, and if you can, save up for the one thing in the room that would make a difference in there overall.

I have a friend who keeps a spreadsheet with dollar amounts for her different home projects & aspirational items with a line for costs. She saves up the $$ and then works her way down the sheet.

Also, how is your yard? Sometimes I get really overwhelmed by the HGTV-ness of life. We're all expected to have these amazing houses...that's when I get outside into my yard and just enjoy it. I see you're in VT, so you're probably inside a good bit in the winter but it must be GORGEOUS in the summer. Sometimes I think it's good to just step away from the expectations of modern life and get outside and consider myself lucky to have a yard, you know?

[Olma]

i'm sorry you feel this way it must be really hard to see your dream escaping you.

What I would do for now is to give your house a good cleaning, from top to bottom, windows included. Let the sun in and bring in some fresh flowers.
Then look around and see what would make you feel more at home and in love with your place. What bothers you the most? Where do you spend the most time? Start there.
Also, go around your rooms and see if you can repurpose and/or relocate things to the one room you spend the most time in, and make that as cozy and nice as you can with what you have already. Maybe set aside a little money and buy something that would make the most impact for you in terms of loveliness and beauty.

I don't know if it would help you, but when I'm in a funk about my home I look around at pictures of pretty homes and it gives me a boost and some inspiration how to make mine as nice.

HTH and good luck.

[Grace and Granola]

I know what it's like to hate your house. Especially when you think you won't be there long. Since you have some big kids, could you use some of your home improvement projects as learning opportunities in your homeschooling?

I agree with a fresh coat of paint being like CPR on a house. I would either pick a small "easy" room or if your up for doing your main living room so that you get the most impact that might give you more inspiration to do more!

As the spring comes in it will be a great time to get the house spruced up. I hope you get to feeling better about it

[Vaske]

I read recently how one guy who moved his family around a lot approached a new place: he pulled up all of the yucky carpet and tore off the ugly architectural doo-dads, painted all the walls pure white, and then lived in it a while before he did anything else to it. Maybe you need that kind of a fresh start in your current place.

Ten years is a long time to wait for a dream. There might be some ways for you to live a more cabin-y lifestyle in your current house. If it is too big, maybe downsize your stuff and just close off some rooms? Create some kind of a hearth in the main room? Designate one day of the week where your family doesn't have to answer to the outside world? Build a little shed in the backyard to escape to? Practice preserving, cooking and eating real food? Start developing whatever income streams you are planning to live on when you're out on the land?

[mnnice]

While I actually like my house (and love that I don't have a mortgage on in). I can relate to so much of this post. The long period of unemployement, having limited funds towards home improvement, and wanted to live more rurally but not sure how to accomplish it are all things we are living through here as well.

We have a couple of very low cost and pretty simple projects that have been great moral boosters for me. The first one was replacing the seriously gunked up shower head in the bathroom. It was a job that took $10 and about 2 minutes to install, but has greatly improved my will to get out of bed and get ready for work in the a.m. The other two were the stove mini makeover. We have a 15 year old electric stove and one burner was not working right and the drip pans were just gross. I cleaned it, bought new drip pans, and bought a new element (which we ended up returning DH got the old one to work after he brushed the gunk off of it with a wire brush). Anyway my dream of new gas stove still exists, but daily frustration with how the current stove works/looks are greatly deminished.

[Ellen Griswold]

In a similar situation here. Let me second the idea of fresh paint. Especially in soothing colors. To do it on the cheap, check the "oops paint" at stores like home depot. Yesterday I bought a gallon for $5. Now I have a new bathrrom. Rearranging furniture helps me too. Hope that you can find some peace with this.

[bigteamug]

I firmly second the idea of paint, esp "oops" paint. We got Benjamin moore aura for $20/gallon (usually like$40- $50 or so), and painted the stairwell hallway. The old color was this awful poopy brown. really. Someone kindly called it "baby's first year". The hall is so much lighter and prettier.

We were lucky that they had enough paint (5 gallons) of an oops color for the two coats needed to cover that color - apparently, they tried twice to match this ivory color for somebody, and missed the mark - we mixed the two batches together, and there it is!

A small bathroom only takes a quart or so, and we got oops no-voc in an acceptable shade for closets.

[confustication]

I can completely understand your sadness, as we are there as well.

I'm looking longingly at a place right now that wold be our 'forever' home, but we have no housing costs here, and we have more land. However, where we are now, is too small for us and to make it 'just right' requires more than we have.

Paint and rearranging things help, but I'm not sure I am willing to let go of the dream, I'm trying to find a way to make it work.

[Ruthiegirl]

Oh mama, I understand. I really do. I came to this same conclusion last year when it became very clear that we would be here for another 7-10 years.

I don't hate my house, but I am so completely overwhelmed by the upkeep. Scraping and painting, scraping and painting, more scraping and painting. When I get tired of that, I start in on scraping wall paper and painting....

And in my heart, I know I belong closer to the mountains, in a smaller house, less mortgage, more travel....more time with my husband.

I don't know what the answer is. I do know that I feel more connected to my house when I work on making it my home.

And honestly, I think a lot of this feeling is just winter blahs. In my experience, I tend to get blue this time of year. I am focusing on our spring garden plan, getting outside more, planting something green and knowing that I will be able to enjoy some time in the sun eating fresh veggies form the garden.

But I know sadness you write about. As much love and goodness as there is in my life, it still doesn't hide that I don't love the land under my feet and my heart lingers elsewhere.

[mtm]

Can you focus on what you do like about your place? I love the idea of making a list of things you want to change and what it costs and to start working through it.

[BethSLP]

Originally Posted by bigteamug

The old color was this awful poopy brown. really. Someone kindly called it "baby's first year".

HAHAHAHAHA.

I second everyone's paint suggestion. I also would suggest checking out flylady.net for a fun way to attack the house room by room, clean, declutter etc. Although, I'd probably recommend NOT signing up for the emails because you will get a TON.

XOXO
B

[jentilla]

Great suggestions!
Paint, fabric, & cleaning and organizing make me feel a ton better.

[Ellien C]

Could you invite a few close friends over for a "What would you do with my house" brainstorming session.

For me, I'm not good with decorating and organizing and I just can't see past "what is." My husband has a huge fear of change (which seems to be getting worse) so he is NOT open to moving furniture or changing colors or room function. But I had a neighbor who was a decorator, a friend who was an architect and another who was just good with houses. They came in and had some immediate suggestions for what to do to make the house more functional. I changed 2 little things in the family room (without asking DH) and it was SO much better. I space for 3 people to watch TV and kid space in the other part of the room. It worked so much better.

[journeymom]

I'm sorry I don't have any creative suggestions for you, but I completely sympathize.

Dh and I came to this same realization on Sunday, while walking through a neighborhood we love. We can't move out of this house. This is where our kids are going to grow up. And I absolutely hate parts of this home.

It makes me incredibly sad and angry if I dwell on it. So I try not to.

[sugarlumpkin]

I also suggest paint. But not just walls, also furniture. You can buy really cheap furniture at thrift stores (or craigslist or similar) and paint it to meet storage or other needs. I also think that getting rid of things that are collecting dust (decluttering) is a wonderful thing to do!

I'd go with neutral, light colors, but now and then do something amazing, like a mural or an unexpected color inside a cabinet or something. Beautiful surprises.

[lilyka]

I hate my house. and I am syuck here indefinitely. I tried to sell it and got not one bite. not even a nibble. one showing. no kidding. and that was selling it at no profit. So I am kinda with you. time to turn this house into my dream home without money to do it.

some of the stuff I bought prepping it for sale is so ugly I want to rip it down (cheapy curtains specifically)...

So some things I have brainstormed for loving my house:
1. spectacular veggie garden this year. i have a plot but I want to put some raised beds in some wasted space.
2. fenced in area for garden and dog (dog does not dig in garden...although I probably just jinxed it...but she has a digging hole and is happy to just dig and dig there.....) It is mostly fenced in and I have a friend who does fencing. I just need to connect the dots so to speak.
3. this kinda goes back to #1, I want to do some barrel collectors for rain water to water my garden.
4. I would like to instal some kind of solar panel or wind turbine enough to run something. even if it is just enough to charge my cell phone. . It is silly but my neighbor is an electrition and he could wire me up. I have heard of people making a wind turbine out of those spinny venty things on the top of your house....that would be super fun and reletively inexpensive. maybe the bathroom light. when we lose power it sucks. we have a small completely internal bathroom. no natural light even if you leave the door open. but there is no where to light a candle that will not set you on fire.
5. I would like to pull up the carpet in the basement and maybe "do something" down there to make it more homey. level and seal the floor.....I don't know.
6. paint.
7. new curtains.
8. trim the trees (actually the city might be cutting down my trees but at least I will be able to trim them myself for the next 20 years.....). this will allow my gress and landscaping to flurish.
9. do something with the back screen doors (like buy new ones most likely.)
10. paint the front doors red.

meh. screw prettying up my front yard. all I will be seeing this summer is road construction landing in my front yard. if I even have a front yard left. my lot is ground zero for the construction. oh well, maybe they will replace my sewer line....its about to go (well he said "its a hundred years old and it may have been like this for the last 50. it could last another fo years. or another 50 days" actually the fiorst thing he said was "you don't own this place do you" how is that for a conversation starter )

I need to do something about my porch. not sure what. paint it. maybe replace some boards. I don't know.

last summer I ripped out all the old windows and replaced the screens on my three season porches (I have a side by side duplex with mostly matching units. my side has a fourth floor that goes over both sides.) I also replaced the cement stairs out front. I did them both on a budget, they look great and most importantly I did them myself. all while working full time and singely raising three girls. and I did it all in 30 days (lest I get fined by the city....) I also patched the holes in the sidewalk. go me. I am the proud owner of a crow bar, a sledge hammer and masonry chisel. I know how to use them and I am fearless in doing so. and my ever faitful staple gun.

My friend and I joke because the grocery store I work at has the reciept paper with coupons on the back. one is for Ace hardware. $5 off a $20 purchase. We are remodeling out homes $15 a time. We do not walk in that store without a coupon and we spend as close to the $20 as possible. it takes a while sometimes to get everything we need for a job but I have saved hundreds of dollars.

[lilyka]

also try to focus on something you love about your house. some way it cares for you. right now there is about 5 feet of snow piled up in my yard. in another 4-6 weeks it is going to melt. next week we are expected to get another foot or so. when it melts its gonna be nasty. the river will flood. basments will flood. new houses. old houses. million dollar houses. ghetto houses. oh wait.....not my house. the most water my house has ever taken, even in the worst flash floods or spring thaws could be cleaned up with a towel. HECK YEAH!!! honestly at the end of the day I don't know if I would trade that even for another bathroom or a winter free of snow blowing.

What do you love about your house?

[zebra15]

My friend and I joke because the grocery store I work at has the reciept paper with coupons on the back. one is for Ace hardware. $5 off a $20 purchase. We are remodeling out homes $15 a time. We do not walk in that store without a coupon and we spend as close to the $20 as possible. it takes a while sometimes to get everything we need for a job but I have saved hundreds of dollars.

I do this all the time with craft stores....40% off one item etc.... I get my projects 1 item at a time LOL... I can't tell you how much $$ i've 'saved' at joanns and they take competitors Q's here too and since DS is 9 now he can check out too so I can get 4 items in 1 trip

[lmonter]

Originally Posted by amyamanda

So I am really interested in hearing how you turn a house you hate into a house you love with a next-to-nothing budget. I am sure that is something that many of the people on this board are good at, and I really want to hear your wisdom!

I can't help you with the budget aspect of it, but I too wasn't spectacularly thrilled with our house for the first 2-3 years we were here (it's now been 6+ years). We had dark brown/orange/gold shag carpeting, there's lava rock "accents" on our big fireplace wall and out front, orange countertop in the bathroom, goofy gold and orange stuff in all the bathrooms/laundry room, etc. Very 70's dated, and I really didn't like it. I dreamed about building our own house and came up with neat floor plans and everything.

But then for whatever reason, I just started thinking in the whole "bloom where you're planted" mindset. Maybe because quite literally, we dug up part of the yard and kept digging up parts of the yard to turn into garden. Once you've planted 6 additional fruit trees, 100 asparagus crowns and have almost 100sf of strawberry plants, you feel a bit more connected to your little piece of land, regardless of the shag personality.
Sure, my front entryway is a complete waste of space and the laundry room is down too many stairs from all the laundry-making for my taste, but hey, it's a house and it does a pretty darn good job at keeping us warm and dry. My grandma raised four boys in a modified chicken coop until my dad was off in college. If she can do that, I feel I shouldn't be whining about my house, you know? Plus our mortgage is at a comfortable level - no way could we afford to buy a house nowadays, it's insanity. We probably couldn't even rent something close space-wise for what our mortgage/insurance/taxes are.

I *really* need to work on decluttering, I know that's half our problem for this house. We just threw together two entire households into a storage unit when we got married and never had a chance to go through and cull out the crap - just piled kid crap on top of it all.
I do have my one little zen room - the pantry. Most of the year it's just got [home!] canned and storage goods in it, but shortly, it'll have a few flats of fresh, new, little greenery as that's also where I have my seed-starting shelves hubby built for me several years ago. So I have a tendency to just go down there for 30-60 minutes to water things and just be, or I'll wander out to the yard/garden come gardening season.