Is it worth it to change DD's name?

[Halfasianmomma]

When STBX and I married, he was really big on me taking his last name. REALLY big. He had a fit when he saw me use my maiden name. Here in Quebec, women keep their maiden names for identification purposes. I guess it makes it easier to locate people what with all the marrying and divorcing going on.

Anyhow, when DD was born, as "proof" of my fidelity and dedication to STBX, I decided to give her his last name (his other 3 sons do not have his last name).

Now that we are separated and soon to be divorcing, it's starting to look like STBX is slowly disappearing from our lives. He's got himself a new girlfriend and has formed a new "family" with her and her son. DD's last name is sort of...awkward and isn't easy to pronounce in French, so I'd love to change it to mine, but apparently it's a REAL pain to change a child's last name here. I'm wondering how far to go to get this done...

Anyone experienced this?

[JessicaTX]

It's not that difficult in the US. I have no idea about Canada. Do you have a lawyer? It's just a spare something or other that you can throw in the divorce papers here, perhaps you can get it written in on yours as well?

[Ceinwen]

It's not difficult - if your ex will sign the papers. You can't do it on your own. Even with full/sole custody (at least in Ontario).

In Ontario, if there's a dispute between parents re: the last name, the court will assign a hyphenated last name, done alphabetically.

My two girls have hyphenated last names because we couldn't agree. So, it's Jones-Smith (my name-his name, because mine comes first alphabetically).

[Halfasianmomma]

From what I understand, Quebec is the strictest province regarding last name change. There has to be a valid reason for the change, like your current last name is hard to pronounce due to its ethnic origin, or the name is infamous and brings you or your child unwarranted attention (like "Homolka"), or something like that. Each case is examined individually...so it's a whole load of work to get this done.

The only thing I could do, realistically, is to add my last name to hers.

[Learning_Mum]

If you add your last name to hers, and put your last name, his last name, could you not then just sort of 'drop' his name when filling out her name on things?

I know here, whenever you fill out a form, you put your full name, and then there is usually a space for the name you prefer to be known by. So for example, if you were enrolling your DD at school you would write out DD Your Last Name His Last Name and then say that she is known as DD Your Last Name. Does that make sense? I don't know if it works that way in Canada

[Goodmom2008]

I'm not sure about Canada, but in the US, it isn't happening unless the other parent agrees to it.

[soso-lynn]

Wait a few years. Start using your last name socially and document that if possible. In a few years, when her father will have been pretty much MIA for a while and the drama of the divorce will be long over (so he does not oppose it stricly out of spite), it will be much easier. Besides having the right to change a name for being difficult and whatnot, it can also be changed if someone has been using a name other than the one on their birth certificate for 5 years or more. It's only once a child is in school that their last name becomes relevant to their life.

The Directeur de l’état civil handles all name change applications that do not fall under the jurisdiction of the court. However, there must be a serious reason for making an application. Serious reasons include:

* You have been using for at least five years a name other than the one that appears on your birth certificate
* Your name is of foreign origin or is too difficult to pronounce or write in its original form
* Your name invites ridicule or has become infamous

The Directeur de l’état civil can also study an application for a name change for any other reason that you present.

http://www.etatcivil.gouv.qc.ca/en/change-name.html

[Halfasianmomma]

Wow, thanks! I'll start doing that right away seeing as DD is starting a new daycare next Monday

[Bad Mama Jama]

it was worth the trouble for me, which really just amounted to paperwork and a brief court appearance. i am thankful that i had the foresight to do it when i did because i would have had to wait a couple of years for him to disappear, which he did anyway (might i add). good luck!