"don't you want to finish your education so you can get a real career?"

[Ldavis24]

Asked this at least 5 times in the last month by 3 different relatives and 2 friends.

I went to college for a year, that is where I met DH. I loved it for all the wrong reasons, lets just say I had little too much fun and not quite enough school. I choose to leave because the only reason I was there was because it was the thing you are supposed to do after you graduate high school.
DH stayed for 2 years and then left pretty much feeling the same way.

Now I am a SAHM and I love it. I had posted a while back about a job opportunity that I eventually decided against because there is nothing I want to do besides stay at home and take care of my baby (have another one too), cook yummy and healthy homemade food and garden and look after the chickens that we are getting soon. More and more I am confident in my decision and the knowledge that this is truly what I was meant to be doing...

Then come the comments (well meaning often) about how I must be itching to get back to work. How I must really really want to finish my college education because "you can't do anything without a degree anymore". I am doing precisely what I want and I don't need a degree for it thanks!

How important is a college degree if you don't ever see yourself going back to work? Why does it even matter? I feel like everyone who makes this comment sees me as somehow deficient and to be truly complete I have to have this stupid piece of paper that says I spent this much money and time earning it. I know there are plenty of threads on here about the fact that some of us actually choose to not work so I don't even need to get started on that issue.

I even get comments about how I should at least want to take online classes so I can "get that degree". Hello! I barely have time to brush my teeth so how would I have time to take online classes?! Am I the only one that thinks a college degree is meaningless (unless you truly want the education for the sake of learning) if you are going to stay home with your LOs and that is exactly what you want to do for pretty much their entire childhood right up until they move out?

[GoBecGo]

If it's any comfort (and i'd sure it's not) i DID finish my degree and people either a) assume i don't have one because if i did i'd be working, right? (i even get comments like "YOU have a DEGREE!?" from other people sometimes, and i'm astute, i promise!) and b) it seems to be so common that when i tell people what i'm doing NOW they ALWAYS want to know "what did you do before?" that clearly SAHMing is simply not a career/worthwhile task in the psyche of many people. I tend to think those kinds of people are a waste of time.

Besides all of that what is wrong with them? About 30-40% of my class were mature students when i finished university. You have a family you're caring for, you didn't DIE, you might plan to do any number of things later on, why do they assume you're never going to do anything else in your life than what you did on the particular day you met with them?

[jess_paez]

the only reason i might think about getting a career is because of a back up plan in case my husband died (god forbid) or he decided to leave me at some point or i decided to leave him (not likely). but just because you have a degree doesn't mean that guarantees a job, this ecomony is so crappy right now and i sure don't see it getting better. instead of going to school for what i love, i would need to go to school and study towards a profession that made money, something needed.
my job is to save as much money as possible. it is to take care of my family/household and maintain a comfortable environment so when my husband comes home after his shift he can relax and enjoy our family. i wouldn't have it any other way. i can't help but wonder if the ones who spew comments such as, "Well what did you do before?" ect, are jealous to some degree. To me there is nothing better than being able to utilize dh's vacation time or days off and be able to spend our time together without another job in the way to schedule around.
ETA: I don't have a degree in college. I spent one year and enjoyed it, but not enough to continue apparently. if i did anything it would be a certificate-right now i am leaning towards possibly becoming a cosmetologist...but who knows.

[kittywitty]

I get this. But mostly because I'm like less than 10 credits shy of my Bachelor's degree. My dh might be getting laid off and now I really wish I did have my degree. I can't get any jobs and my in-laws keep pressuring me to let dh stay at home and me go find a job since I've been lazy so long all spoiled staying at home.

[AFWife]

Have you been talking to my mother???

Kidding...sort of...


In high school (I graduated 2005) I had plans to become a doctor. In junior college I majored in theatre and that's how I met DH. We got our Associates in Fine Arts. We got married Dec of my sophomore year. We tried to go back but couldn't afford it...and so we worked for a year...and then I got pregnant. DH joined the Air Force (job security if nothing else) and I decided to be a SAHM. I LOVE what I do now. I've tried to explain that to my family on more than one occasion with no luck. My grandmother finally helped me. She was a SAHM and got her nursing degree in her 30s when her kids were older. She said, "School will always be there, but you can't get childhood years back."

[TinkerBelle]

Although some people are quite rude about it, IMHO, they have a point.

I read post after post from SAHMs who are stuck in a horrible marriage and have no real way out, because they have no degree, or skills outside of the home, or help from their own families. Women who have to ask for money from their husbands. Who put up with all sorts of abuse.

Maybe being prepared is not such a horrible idea.

[lolar2]

My grandmother was a true believer in getting some kind of marketable degree because her first husband, my grandfather, died suddenly and she was left with four children, including one in college, and no way to earn money. Now, my grandfather was under-insured. If your spouse has sufficient life insurance and disability insurance, then a degree is less important except in the above-mentioned case of abuse/ addiction/ spouse leaving.

[Ldavis24]

Originally Posted by TinkerBelle

Although some people are quite rude about it, IMHO, they have a point.

I read post after post from SAHMs who are stuck in a horrible marriage and have no real way out, because they have no degree, or skills outside of the home, or help from their own families. Women who have to ask for money from their husbands. Who put up with all sorts of abuse.

Maybe being prepared is not such a horrible idea.

I can certainly understand being prepared but how does one prepare for such a thing? I can't count the number of friends I have who have degrees and yet have jobs that are in no way related to their degree! I have skills outside the home because I worked before my daughter was born and frankly the day my husband becomes abusive is a cold day in hell (does that make sense?) I guess none of that applies to my situation and while I can't see what is coming around the corner I know some things will never come (like abuse from my husband)....I also don't think expecting child support or financial care in regards to my child is having to ask for money. If it is just to have a place to live that is one thing but child support is something every divorced parent deserves when they are caring for a kid.

If my husband left me tomorrow, I would go out and get a job. Things would be tight but a degree certainly leave me comforted in any way by my situation. I guess I just don't think having a degree is really relevant to being able to take care of my child and myself alone if I had to.

[Cameron's Mommy]

People always assume that I didn';t finish college because I am not working, but I did graduate while I was pregnant... I personally feel like it is a womens duty to take care of herself as well as her family. part of that is planning for the "what ifs" in life. You and your husband may be perfect now but you never know and you dont want to be stuck without anyway to take care of yourself and your children if you have to. Plus getting an education is not just about a job... its about education.. I wanted to be a well rounded and educated person before I made any decision about my life and I choose to stay at home

[GoBecGo]

I had a degree, my partner was useless. I had to leave. I had an 8 week old baby, and could not work because of her, and my degree didn't do anything for me.

Not to wee on anyone's parade, but a degree is not as useful as flexibility, self-belief, determination and resourcefulness when one is facing life as a single parent. There is more than one way to skin a cat. Some of the most successful people in the world do not have degrees.

[One_Girl]

Originally Posted by TinkerBelle

Although some people are quite rude about it, IMHO, they have a point.

I read post after post from SAHMs who are stuck in a horrible marriage and have no real way out, because they have no degree, or skills outside of the home, or help from their own families. Women who have to ask for money from their husbands. Who put up with all sorts of abuse.

Maybe being prepared is not such a horrible idea.

This was my mother. After leaving a physically abusive marriage she started college then entered an emotionally abusive one and was stuck for years until they divorced and she took the opportunity to finish up her education. If you are in a happy relationship then that is wonderful. I understand how annoying it is to have people question your life. I feel better about comments from other people when I look at the motivation behind the comments. I think some of the comments about getting a degree come because there are people who have lived with or seen women stuck and unhappy and there is a fear that their loved one will end up the same way. The right degree also gives you a sense of security that is comforting for many people and it makes sense that people who feel that security would want the people they care for to feel it as well.

[Ldavis24]

Originally Posted by Cameron's Mommy

People always assume that I didn';t finish college because I am not working, but I did graduate while I was pregnant... I personally feel like it is a womens duty to take care of herself as well as her family. part of that is planning for the "what ifs" in life. You and your husband may be perfect now but you never know and you dont want to be stuck without anyway to take care of yourself and your children if you have to. Plus getting an education is not just about a job... its about education.. I wanted to be a well rounded and educated person before I made any decision about my life and I choose to stay at home

I'd like to think of myself as a well rounded person with or without a formal education. I also know I am pretty smart and while I could go get a degree in business or something I feel educated enough without it. I am sure you didn't mean it to sound insulting in any way but there are a lot of people in this world who are perfectly well rounded and educated without having a degree on the wall.
Like I said, a degree does not in any way help me plan for the "what ifs". There is one thing it does though, ensure many years of debt for something that is questionably going to be useful regardless if I ever have to work again or not.

[zinemama]

Originally Posted by Ldavis24

I'd like to think of myself as a well rounded person with or without a formal education. I also know I am pretty smart and while I could go get a degree in business or something I feel educated enough without it. I am sure you didn't mean it to sound insulting in any way but there are a lot of people in this world who are perfectly well rounded and educated without having a degree on the wall.

All this is very true.

But the fact is, employers want to see applicants with formal education, i.e. a college degree. Your friends with college degrees who are working in completely different fields from what they studied probably wouldn't have those jobs without their degrees.

I am firmly in the camp of "get the degree." It doesn't have to mean going back to school full time. It could mean taking one class at a time at a community college, like a friend of mine did. But the thing is, you really don't ever know. Death, divorce, growing older and wanting different things - all these are reasons people change the way they live.

I agree that the people pestering you about this are doing it in a rude way. But I would guess that it's out of concern and because they know or know of far too many women who have been left high and dry and unskilled.

I believe any sah parent owes it to herself and her kids to be prepared to support them if she needs to. It's better to have the option and never use it than not to have the option.

[jess_paez]

Originally Posted by Ldavis24

I'd like to think of myself as a well rounded person with or without a formal education. I also know I am pretty smart and while I could go get a degree in business or something I feel educated enough without it. I am sure you didn't mean it to sound insulting in any way but there are a lot of people in this world who are perfectly well rounded and educated without having a degree on the wall.
Like I said, a degree does not in any way help me plan for the "what ifs". There is one thing it does though, ensure many years of debt for something that is questionably going to be useful regardless if I ever have to work again or not.

i agree 100%

[Ms. Cellaneous]

Originally Posted by Ldavis24

Now I am a SAHM and I love it. I had posted a while back about a job opportunity that I eventually decided against because there is nothing I want to do besides stay at home and take care of my baby (have another one too), cook yummy and healthy homemade food and garden and look after the chickens that we are getting soon. More and more I am confident in my decision and the knowledge that this is truly what I was meant to be doing...

I just wanted to say, this bolded part of what you wrote, that is so awesome and SO RARE. Really not many people can say with certainty that they are doing exactly what they want to be doing in life ... certainly most working people can't say that about their jobs. So if you're doing what you love, then don't feel you have to apologize or defend anything! You are blessed! I would just tell people who ask rude questions, with a big smile, "Actually, I'm doing *exactly* what I want to be doing, and I'm *really* happy. Thanks for your concern. How's your work going?"

I agree with other posters that it's good to have a plan B, just in case your husband, god forbid, gets trampled by a pack of wildebeests tomorrow or something random. But Plan B doesn't have to involve college.

Also, people do realize there's no age limit on college, right? My mom went to college the same time I did, and got her degree. And I have to say she appreciated it a lot more, and probably studied and learned a lot more, at 45 than I did at 20.

[BetsyS]

When I hear women in my mother's generation talk about this (thinking mid-50s and 60s), I think a lot of it is wrapped up in the expectations that were placed on their generation. My mother could have been a secretary, a teacher, or a nurse. That's about it.

So, alot of women in that generation see our generation (I'm in my 30s) as being incredibly lucky and able to have anything we want.

As for me, I want to be a homemaker. Like my mother and grandmother before me. I'm lucky that it's my second career (I had one before babies), and if I'm lucky, I'll have a 3rd before retirement.

But, some of it is wistfulness on the part of the women in the boomer generation. And, that's how I take it.

[maptome]

I have a Masters Degree in Engineering and it has not helped at all for my chosen career choice of SAHM. It's pretty insulting for people to think that we do this because we don't have any options. It sounds like you are a great mom independent of your education.

[newbymom05]

Not trying to be snarky, but if you post about a job opportunity, I think it's not rude or crazy for people to respond. I never hear any comments about my choice to be a SAHM, but then again, I don't talk about it or post my thoughts about it on Facebook, y/k?

All the SAHMs I'm friends with have at least one degree. I have two. I never thought of equating SAHM w/ not finishing college.

[zinemama]

Originally Posted by BetsyS

When I hear women in my mother's generation talk about this (thinking mid-50s and 60s), I think a lot of it is wrapped up in the expectations that were placed on their generation. My mother could have been a secretary, a teacher, or a nurse. That's about it.

So, alot of women in that generation see our generation (I'm in my 30s) as being incredibly lucky and able to have anything we want.

As for me, I want to be a homemaker. Like my mother and grandmother before me. I'm lucky that it's my second career (I had one before babies), and if I'm lucky, I'll have a 3rd before retirement.

But, some of it is wistfulness on the part of the women in the boomer generation. And, that's how I take it.

I think that is partly true. But I think it has a lot more to do with what happened to a lot of those women. When the divorce wave of the 70's hit, a lot of them were caught completely off guard. My mother was a happy sahm. It was her "chosen career" and she expected to do it long term. Instead she found herself at 43 back in the job market. She had a degree to fall back on - but many of those women had nothing.

So I think a lot of it is, "take advantage of the opportunities you have, because you might need that education to support yourself and your kids."

[claddaghmom]

I was just working through this today (finals week hehe).

The only reason I am going to school is b/c I want to do it. I like the classes I am taking and I like the feeling of gaining an academic reputation in these areas. (Trust me, I don't believe the letters after your name mean anything hehe, but they still sway a lot of people).

DH has often encouraged me to stick with it b/c it's something for *me* only.

But you know, I think I want to slack off just a bit. I've been trying to squeeze too much in and things are getting a bit crazy. I think I'd like to focus on just one grad degree at at time. And no summer classes. And maybe no overloading.

IMO if you don't want to go to school then don't. Have a good insurance plan on hubby in case he keels over. Divorce or separation...well I don't see many instances where a degree helps at that point anyways. And the women I know who had to go about it as a single mom often opted to get new degrees/qualifications so they could get a job that better suited the new lifestyle. (e.g. one friend took classes to become an RN).