"don't you want to finish your education so you can get a real career?" - Page 2

[4myfinn]

I have my Master's degree and had a successful career before I decided to leave it all to SAH with my beautiful baby boy. While I am so wonderfully fulfilled and loving my life as a SAHM, I am very grateful that I have those degrees and previous work experience, just in case. As a previous poster stated, many people we all know have jobs outside of their field, but they most likely wouldn't have those jobs without their degrees. I have been on many hiring committees (the most recent was about a year ago) and I have to say that in this job market, it can be very difficult to get hired without an education. Even if you are looking for work in a completely different field, a degree shows fortitude, commitment, and at least some degree of intelligence. Using it as a standard is an easy way for employers to quickly narrow their pool of applicants, especially when they have 80+ resumes for one position.

I agree with previous posters that the people saying such things are probably just concerned about you. And because there are so many people who leave college but plan on returning (I was one of those in the late 90's), they may just assume that that's your plan. I would just make your intentions clear and move on. Something like: "Actually, I don't plan on continuing my formal education because our current situation is working so well. So, have you read any good books lately?"

But remember there's no age limit on your education and no reason you can't do something totally different once your kids are grown. My MIL completed her doctorate in her late fifties after raising five children as a SAHM.

[kittywitty]

Originally Posted by zinemama

All this is very true.

But the fact is, employers want to see applicants with formal education, i.e. a college degree. Your friends with college degrees who are working in completely different fields from what they studied probably wouldn't have those jobs without their degrees.

I am firmly in the camp of "get the degree." It doesn't have to mean going back to school full time. It could mean taking one class at a time at a community college, like a friend of mine did. But the thing is, you really don't ever know. Death, divorce, growing older and wanting different things - all these are reasons people change the way they live.

I agree that the people pestering you about this are doing it in a rude way. But I would guess that it's out of concern and because they know or know of far too many women who have been left high and dry and unskilled.

I believe any sah parent owes it to herself and her kids to be prepared to support them if she needs to. It's better to have the option and never use it than not to have the option.

I agree. Especially depending on where you live. Women are more likely to get lower jobs with lower pay. Having a degree helps counter that. Sure it helps what your degree is in, too. A philosophy degree will not get you as far as say...an R.N. or Business. But if you suddenly become a single parent, a good paying job where you have an upper education can make all the difference. Around here, there are only minimum wage jobs unless you have an education or healthcare degree. So having one of those to fall back on is pretty important if you could be in that situation.

[Kelly1101]

Originally Posted by Ldavis24

I am doing precisely what I want and I don't need a degree for it thanks!

And that is all that matters

I'm right there with ya, darlin.

[rhiandmoi]

Like others, I think everyone should keep themselves marketable and current with a few different skill sets. You don't know what the future holds, and it is better to be able to take a job at decent pay in a few different fields than to feel trapped. That doesn't have to mean a formal education, but I know plenty of women who had absolutely fulfilling careers as SAHM that found themselves up a creek due to unexpected job loss for their partner, and they had nothing to contribute towards income for the family. When asked I always encourage SAHM's to cultivate some kind of job skill that could translate easily into a paid job if need be.

[K-Mom3]

I feel like I'm getting an education while I'm a SAHM because I read so many books. I get stacks and stacks from the library and read them while I'm nursing. Pregnancy, childbirth, babies, toddlers, discipline, sleep, potty training, preparing for school, teaching reading, special needs kids, child psychology....you name it. And I get so much more out of these books than I did out of some of my text books, because I'm really interested in what they have to say!

If anybody questions my decision to be a SAHM, I feel like I have a whole slew of things that my children have learned, because it was important to me and I made sure they learned it. The huge amount of time I spend with them means I have SO much more control over what values and skills they learn, what they eat, how they spend their time. And most people can see how valuable that can be to a child.

[Chamomile Girl]

I know that for me personally I never want to be in the position of being totally dependant on a man. I watched my parents divorce when I was 11 (and then again when I was 13...'cause they got remarried when I was 12). My mother had no degree and while she had no issue with getting jobs they were always very low paying. She raised me using her credit cards because of this. She had to learn to do everything in her life herself because my dad was pretty useless (and he stopped paying child support when I was 16).

Getting a degree was my way of ensuring this would NEVER happen to me. And while I am currently at home with my child while my husband works, I see this as a temporary situation and can't wait to return to my career. In fact I am having the opposite issue from the OP, as everyone keeps telling me how lucky my son is to have me at home, and how I must love it. Actually I hate it thanks, and I do have an identity outside of being someone's wife or mother .

OP I think people are probably bringing this up to you because in their experiences your situation may seem to have a precarious future for you. However they obviously don't know your personal situation like you do, so I see no problem with telling them how you see things! Its great that you are happy.

[zinemama]

Originally Posted by K-Mom3

I feel like I'm getting an education while I'm a SAHM because I read so many books. I get stacks and stacks from the library and read them while I'm nursing. Pregnancy, childbirth, babies, toddlers, discipline, sleep, potty training, preparing for school, teaching reading, special needs kids, child psychology....you name it. And I get so much more out of these books than I did out of some of my text books, because I'm really interested in what they have to say!

If anybody questions my decision to be a SAHM, I feel like I have a whole slew of things that my children have learned, because it was important to me and I made sure they learned it. The huge amount of time I spend with them means I have SO much more control over what values and skills they learn, what they eat, how they spend their time. And most people can see how valuable that can be to a child.

No one is questioning the decision to be a sahm or the value in doing it.

The point is that we should be qualified to do something else if we have to. And from an employer standpoint, "qualified" means a degree. Sure, we all learn a lot from motherhood. But no employer's going to give anyone a job based on reading parenting - or any other kind of - books on their own time.

[Ldavis24]

Hi OP here!
Wanted to thank everyone for their interesting view points, I love reading about personal experiences because I find it much easier to digest and mull over things in written form. I just wanted to say to a PP about posting about a job opportunity. That was actually here on the SAHM board a while ago. At the time I was basically feeling pressured because (gasp) without a college degree I had the opportunity to be earning quite a bit more money than my husband and I just felt pressured into it. After a lot of thought and talking to DH I really came to understand just how much I felt obligated to do this and how much I really just wanted to be home with my baby.

I definitely think that a college degree is a good thing all and all. I certainly did not mean to make it sound that way! I really enjoyed some aspects of college when I was there but were I to go back tomorrow I wouldn't have a clue as to what I would want out of the experience besides taking classes that interested me. Not ones that would help me aspire in a career. I definitely don't fit in the mold of well it's good just for education's sake to have a degree! We certainly can't afford 4 years tuition and I just don't want it. I'd probably want to do Art History and I think we all know how many jobs there are out there for that

FYI if my husband died tomorrow (we already have life insurance) or left me I could go out and get the same job I posted about a long time ago which is more than my husband makes now and I could fully support my daughter WITHOUT a college degree. I truly believe it is not all that important to me being able to provide for my daughter if I had to. I certainly may in the future take a class or two that interests me who knows?!

I also wanted to point out something that isn't always talked about. Being ok with not making nearly as much money as I could with a degree is something that I have had to really think about. What level of income and "class" are you willing to live with in this country? I am willing to live with my choice to not get a degree and I know full well what that means as far as finances. My mother raised my brother and I as a single mom without a college degree and there were periods that were tight but we were a very happy little family. I know perfectly well that at times she wished we had more money but even as a teenager I liked the comfort level we lived in and would be proud to live that lifestyle again. I guess my point in all that rambling is that a degree means more financial security is what I am hearing and what I know. Am I ok with the level of financial security I would have if my husband left or something at this very moment (without a degree?) yes! Is more money good and nice? Absolutely! Do I care that I might not be able to buy my kid a new car for her 16th birthday? No way! She can earn one the way I did!
Sorry for the ramblings mamas, I find this whole conversation fascinating though.

[Cameron's Mommy]

I'm sorry if anyone was insulted by my previous post, it was not my intention at all. I was just giving my opinion and my personal experience. Look no one wants to think about the unexpected in life but again "in my opinion" you have to be prepared... especially considering the divorce rate today... for example my aunt married her highschool sweetheart and he cheated on her.. completely out of nowhere no one expected it and she was literally stuck. she had never worked and had no education to fall back on, lived in an expensive area where a degree is pretty much needed to earn enough money to raise a family. it happens.. and you better believe that her two daughters are working and going to school today.
Also, I worked very hard for my bachelor's degree. It took me six years of part time school and working to complete. I'm and the first person in my family to posess a college degree and I kinda proud of it. Its never a waste, its something that no one can take away. Of course you can become a well rounded and educated person on your own, but I'm not sure when a mother would have the time or the initiative or reason to learn about the civil war, calculus, neuropsychology, and Dante's Divine Comedy on their own...?
Further more, I might add, I live in NY.... if you dont have a college education, chances are you will never make enough money to buy a house. There are of course circumstances in which you will such as learning a trade but its pretty expensive here. Even if you apply for a job in a different field than what your degree is in, an employer is going to choose the person with the degree over life experience 90% of the time.

[mamaofthree]

OP: i loved reading what you wrote. there are not many people out there who feel that comfortable.
to be honest i get a bit ticked at all the "you must be prepared for your dh to die or be an ass". not saying to never have a future plan, but geeze, plan your whole life around a big what if?
i have a degree, but i didn't get it as a just in case my dh died or was a jerk. at the time i thought i wanted to be an RN for ever. now that degree feels a bit like a burden. i have to work at least occasionally or it is useless, things change so much in the medical field.
i think investing your time in your children, loving it, doing it because it makes you happy (not because you feel you should or you have to, don't do it if you hate it. what sort of message does that send?), and you know what? college isn't going anywhere. my dh's step mother raised her kids, then at 35 started college and recently retired as a superior court judge of AZ. there is no time limit on when you can or should go to college. if at some point you want to take classes, do it. but they don't have to go toward some degree.
that is my thoughts on it. the degree could just be a huge waste of time and money.. do what you love, and it will work out just like it should.

[michelleklu]

OP, I love your confidence.

I do think a college degree is great and could help but I'm not dying and crying over not having one. Everything's great the way it is now and its frustrating when people won't back off. When the stars align or when things are going downhill then, sure, maybe I'll continue college.

[rightkindofme]

I grew up in poverty because my mother had no job skills and no education. I stole food as a kid. I lived in the car with my mom and older sister until my aunt took us in. I started working when I was 15 and my mother took my paychecks until I was 18 because she did legitimately need the money. (I still have issues the size of the Titanic around her stealing my money though.)

I finished college before I got married. I paid off my school loans before I had kids. I have to have this for my peace of mind. Of course I will push other women into having the same back up. To me this is an absolute necessity for any feeling of safety. We all live with the end results of our experiences and mine have made me fanatical about potential independence. I was a high school teacher so it's not like I picked a career that would make me rich, so don't think that having an education is just so you can be rich.

If this advice isn't for you ignore it.

I quit being a teacher because this is the thing I've always wanted to do. I want to be a homeschooling mom. I've wanted it since high school. You can have an education and still be passionate about staying home.

[Ceinwen]

Originally Posted by TinkerBelle

Although some people are quite rude about it, IMHO, they have a point.

I read post after post from SAHMs who are stuck in a horrible marriage and have no real way out, because they have no degree, or skills outside of the home, or help from their own families. Women who have to ask for money from their husbands. Who put up with all sorts of abuse.

Maybe being prepared is not such a horrible idea.

Agreed. Most people should MTOB, but they do have a valid point.

The only thing that let me retain custody of my children and house (post-divorce) was the fact that I had a bachelor's of science in nursing and was making an awesome amount of money.

I could leave an unhappy, possibly explosive situation, because I could care for myself and my girls - on my own.

My mother has never worked 'outside the home', has been a SAHM for close to thirty years - but she could still work to support herself if necessary.

[cappuccinosmom]

I don't think SAHM means you can't or shouldn't be formally educated.

But I disagree with the reverse assumption that life is hell without a degree.

It's certainly important to prepare for possibilities to some extent. We are deliberately debt free and own debt free property for that very reason. Dh became a landlord for that reason. I think perhaps one of his unspoken reasons for handing me the family finances and now the business finances is precisely because he saw I needed a lot more skill and confidence dealing with that sort of thing so I wouldn't be in a pickle if something happened to him.

But for my family, and the way we'd do things, me having a degree wouldn't make a bad situation better. God forbid something should happen to my husband, but I have quite a few options if it does. I would not want a regular 9-5 job, even if it paid well. I'd prefer a more flexible, if lower paying "menial" job, so that I could work off-hours and spend my days with my kids and continue homeschooling them. There's always room for skilled labor and I could go in several directions with that. We have close, supportive family who would be happy to let the kids sleep at their home if I worked an evening or night shift, or took a 40-hour weekend shift at a care home or something. Because of being debt free, our monthly living expenses woudl be minimal, and I could either sell our other properties or continue renting them out for the small income they bring in.

All that to say, I feel no need to rush out and get a degree, and I don't regret not establishing a career. I'm happy where I am and with what I'm doing.

[ShwarmaQueen]

So taking care of kids isn't important?... We live in a twisted society.

I want to finish my degree (about 2 years FT left) and I got the "what are you going to do with your degree if your a SAHM?"-response from others. Whatever.

I happen to think if a mother wants a degree it should be her right and if she doesn't then that's her choice also. To each their own.

[Ceinwen]

I had a loving relationship with my exdh too. For about ten years - then it went downhill. No one is trying to rain on anyone's parade - like I said, my parents have been happily married for 30+ years, with my mom being a SAHM... I totally respect and get that. Some of us are just more cautious... having been burned when we were totally unexpecting it...

[MoonWillow]

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[Peony]

I go back and forth. I've been content to *just* be a SAHM and then not so content, my latest job will have me working very part time mostly from home. I am continuing my education, I am an RN and do want to remain hirable for the what-ifs. The whole reason I become a RN was so that I could work casually and mostly be a SAHM, my mother was a SAHM and I wanted the same. I did however want some skills. My mom has none that are employable above $10.00 an hour or so, I wanted more then that.


I am unable not to plan for the future and the what-ifs, I have always been a very practical person and need to be support myself and 3 children if need. DH and I certainly are not getting a divorce anytime soon but that doesn't matter if he gets into a car accident on the way from from work tonight. We have a healthy life insurance policy on him in case of death but then what about injuries. I am sitting for my IBCLC this summer, after that I am entertaining the idea of going back for my masters. Very slowly but I have always wanted one, the baby is only 10 months so I have a lot of time before he is school aged when I could take more then a class or two at a time and continue my current obligations.

[mntnmom]

My oldest is almost 7, and I am now expecting #4. It took me a couple years to come to terms with "just" staying home, even though I love it now. But I saw, and still do, a degree as insurance.
It's not much good without some experience behind it, but I think every SAHP should ask themselves about the "what-ifs". DH has great life insurance, but if he is injured and cannot work, what then? If we leave the Army, and he can't find other work? I don't think it would be good for us as a family for me to be working 70hrs a week at Walmart.
So, I am working on certification for Birth and BF education(as well as a social work degree for resume filler), and when the kids are a little older, a doula and midwife. These are things I want to do in the long run anyway, but the choice of *how* to go about it is definitely influenced by my desire for a little security.
That said, my mom had 3 degrees. Never used them, never managed to support 2 kids without the help of her parents... neither of whom used their degrees. If you are confident that your prior experience is a good safety net, that's more than good enough! Obviously people are concerned, and often we project our own feelings about things like staying home onto others. Don't feel obligated to do "more". As long as you have your DH's support and you are happy, more power to you!! sup