Manipulative four year old.....

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I need some clever ideas to keep her from always winning.

She's always been very clever... even when she was very little, she could make things happen in her favor.

But, recently, she's always making everything work in her favor.

(this is a daycare child BTW)

For instance today, she wanted a "good bike". But, by the time she got outside, all the "goodest bikes" were being used, and all she had to choose from were the "not good bikes". (all the same bikes, but some are better colors)

SO.. she went over to a small patch of mud and said "Oh, I think I see a worm in the mud". Then, when the kids got off the bikes to go see the worm, she took the "good bike", and rode away while the other kids were still searching the mud for the nonexistent worm. WHen the child who was using that bike came back, the four year old said "House rules, if you aren't using it, I can have my turn.. you weren't on it". <--in a very sing songy, proud of herself voice.

Or, I will put the pillows out for reading. She likes the purple one. But, today, I gave it to a two year old. The four year old handed the two year old a book, and said "Will you put that away for me?" When the two year old happily got up to do that for her... four year old switched the pillows. (I stopped that and gave the two year old the purple pillow back)

I SEE all these things happening, but in all honesty, it's nothing illegal. It's not things I can say "Hey, you took that from her". Because she's planning ahead and using all of my loopholes.

It's very impressive actually.

But, I don't want her to take advantage of the other kids.

This happens all day, every day. At dress up, at book time, at art time. She always gets her favorite, or her way, or whatever she wants. She does the same thing for her little sister too.

I need ideas. She's smarter and faster than I am.

[Think of Winter]

With my kids I talk a lot about the golden rule and treating others the way you want to be treated. When they do something unkind to another person, I point out how it made that person feel, and that they wouldn't like it themselves. (I don't always do this immediately, and I would do it privately.) Tricking other children definitely falls under the category of being unkind. If she can find a way to make everyone happy, great. But to take something in an underhanded way is not good. Especially taking advantage of a younger child.

We don't label a lot of things, but we do have a no-taunting rule. Both dc know very well what a taunting voice sounds like. Also, being kind trumps all other rules.

[texmati]

I agree... she needs to be taught compassion. I'm an oldest, and even now, I find myself unconsciously getting people to do things for me. I wish someone would have taught me the joy in letting someone else have the purple pillow, for example. And that life will be ok if you don't have the goodiest bikes.

Also.... I'd give her opportunities to give other people things that she values, but I wouldn't necessarily give someone else the pillow that she likes just so she doesn't get what she wants, kwim?

[One_Girl]

If there are things like a pillow that are coveted by a lot of kids then I think you should have a pillow turn chart or let the line leader or calendar helper also get the pillow. I think you should enforce not taking things from other kids if they are doing a favor or just getting up to put something away, look at something quickly, or use the bathroom. If they get engaged with another activity for a long period of time. A five minute rule for the favorite bike or linking it to a daily job privelage might also help. I don't think you should deliberately create situations in which she loses out, but if it is a problem for the other kids then I think you should create rules to help all of them. A lot of kids take advantage of a peer using the bathroom or getting up to put something away and this can make kids reluctant to do those things. Creating a classroom where kids don't lose out when they get up for a minute or two will probably help all children feel happy.

[hipumpkins]

I talk about intentions to my kids. So I might say, "What were your intentions when you called the kids to see the worm" She will have one of 2 answers: she saw a worm and really wanted to show the kids (Which you know is not true but you don't need to mention it) So then the other kid gets the bike back since she was only off it to see a worm and since there was not one the intention was not fulfilled.
Other answer is of course the truth and then you can talk to her about tricking people into giving up their things.

[AllisonR]

I agree with a mix of Think of Winter's and Hipumpkins replies. I'd call her on it, in a firm but kind way. "Why did you take the purple pillow from XYZ?" Lets her know you know her actions. And it gives her an opening to explain her feelings or opinions. Depending on her answer, follow up with "How would you feel if XYZ took the pillow from you?" "Would you feel bad?" "Well then, don't take it from XYZ."....