we need to change DD's school situation

[Linda on the move]

DD's (13 years old, PDD-NOS) school situation isn't working for her. The work itself is OK (she's mainstreamed) but she is super stressed out and having panic attacks.

Homeschooling is not an option. We've been there, done that and it is completely isolating for my sn munchin. Completely and totally isolating. Without school, no one outside our family bothers to speak to her. So no homeschooling suggestions are welcome.

She was first dx with depression while homeschooling, and her depression is much better in school. Her anxiety, however, is worse. Her social development is better and she has started caring about grooming and such (which she never did before). She is also getting a much more well rounded education and is more interested in learning.

We've really reached a point where she needs to learn to be around other people and communicate for herself. (I didn't realize how much she depended on me to communicate for her when she was homeschooling.) I'm and deeply concerned about her future and her quality of life.

They are in a two week standardized test cylce at school, and I'm advocating to have her switched to a shorter day with just 5 periods for core subjects, plus lunch/study hall when the cycle is over (I don't think the test is stressful for her. She likes that they have longer in each period, all the kids have to be quiet, and she doesn't care how she does, and I'd kinda like to see her results!).

The school isn't crazy about the shorter day idea, but they haven't said no. The principal is checking on schedules to see if it can be done (it's a small school so they don't have every class every period).

Another option is a private alternative school 40 minutes away. I talked to them today and on the phone it sounds like a good fit. It is super expensive, a very long drive, and I'm not sure how I could get both her and her sister to and from school at the right times. I'm going to visit it on Thursday.

I'm so tired and stressed out. I don't really have a question. I'm just ..... journalling?

[2boyzmama]

Journal away! I "talk out" a lot of my thoughts on here

Can your daughter tell you the source of her anxiety at school? She's doing well socially, but is that the cause of her anxiety? Or is it the sensory input overwhelming her leading to anxiety? Or is it something else? She does well academically, but is she feeling stress over it despite her successes?

Maybe if you can narrow down the source of the anxiety, it will make it easier to either overcome, or find ways around.

Example...my brother, an aspie, was repeatedly tardy to class when he started highschool. After it happened numerous times, my mom finally got him to talk and they realized that he just couldn't function well in the crowded halls when everyone was rushing around. He would get "lost", forget to go to his locker, forget to go to the bathroom even. Mom talked to his teachers, he was released from his class just one minute sooner and that was just enough for him to focus his mind so he could plan his transition from one class to the next.

So in that case it was something very easy to "fix" and a lot of stress was removed from his day.

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by 2boyzmama

Can your daughter tell you the source of her anxiety at school?

no. She's isn't good at putting together what is happening and how she feels. It's one of the things she works on in therapy, but her difficulty with this is part of her whole sn package.

She's doing well socially, but is that the cause of her anxiety?

It's interesting that you say that. I don't think of her as "doing well socially," but you are right. For her, she is doing well. She is noticing things about other people and wanting to fit in. She is working at picking up social clues.

And it is hard work for her and it does add to her anxiety. One day she told me she was trying to pass as a normal kid.

Or is it the sensory input overwhelming her leading to anxiety? Or is it something else? She does well academically, but is she feeling stress over it despite her successes?

yes and yes. It's a totally sensory overload and she feels very stressed and fearful about her school work. It isn't tied to messages from us or her teachers -- it really is more like her fear of escalators.

I think school is just *too much.* I'm going to push to shorten her school day.

I wonder if we could dump Social Studies. She has 3 quarters of SS with passing grades and she passed the constitution test. I'm really not sure how far we can go and how much the school can do.

[joyluc]

My 13 year old DS has major depression with anxiety and has had a lot of school issues recently. He is at a partial hospitalization program right now actually because school/other anxiety got SO bad about 2 weeks ago. He has been on half days at his school (in Ohio) for a month or more on just my request. They asked if the therapist would write a recommendation for half days and then they would provide 'home instruction' for the periods he is missing. Home instruction is actually a tutor that would meet with him at the library to go over the material.

We didn't get to have the tutor because of the issues he had 2 weeks ago. He is pretty determined to get back to school full-time and get through this year. He is really bright and hasn't lost a lot of ground academically. He is totally stressed by the kids in middle school - how they act towards each other, how mean they are, how immature they are. He has been working with multiple therapists and the guidance counselor and has not been able to get past this .

I have also looked at a private school here - really nice academically but so expensive. Also a charter school focusing on the sciences which would have a smaller class size. He isn't really interested in either of these but is interested in skipping a grade and going to the high school where there are older kids with more diverse interests and more choices in classes. I think he would be okay academically but am worried he is not strong enough.

Sorry for hijacking your thread but your question is so close to the questions I have right now about DS. The school district has also offered their ED program which DS would have to have an IEP for, it is mainly mainstreamed in the building but there is space for kids who are having trouble to get out of the stressful environment. My DS's teachers have also modified the work he has to do so if he can show he understands the material he doesn't have to do all the problems - could something like that be worked out for your DD?

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by joyluc

My 13 year old DS has major depression with anxiety and has had a lot of school issues recently.

How long as he had problems with depression and anxiety? My DD was happy as can be as a child, but since she turned 12......

It's one thing to have child with special needs and know that they are happy that their life works for them, but this just isn't the case for her right now.

He is totally stressed by the kids in middle school - how they act towards each other, how mean they are, how immature they are.

This is a great list! My dd has trouble articulating what is stressful about her peers for her, and I'm going to discuss this list.

It's ironic, isn't it? That the typically developing children are so disturbing to the sn kids?

I think he would be okay academically but am worried he is not strong enough.

strong enough in what way?

Sorry for hijacking your thread but your question is so close to the questions I have right now about DS.

Not at all! It's nice to know that others have the same kind of issues!

[karne]

Linda, I don't have much that's helpful to say except that I appreciate the way in which you are advocating for your dd. I know that I am constantly thinking about the long term goal-an educated child who doesn't suffer through the process. If it means tweaking something along the way, so be it, in order to keep the bigger goal in mind.

Is the private school something she is interested in?

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by karne

Is the private school something she is interested in?

I haven't told her much about it because I really don't know if we could make it work. I'm visiting it in the morning. I'm very curious.

I talked to a school today that is just for kids with autism and is close by. It isn't an appropriate placement for her (it's for kids who are lower functioning) but they have an after-school social skills class for higher functioning kids starting soon, so she might be in that.

One thing they said was that her lunch situation is REALLY good -- she's in the same lunch period as her very social younger sister and sits with her and her friends. DD#1 doesn't join in with them, but she listens to them and finds them amusing. The other girls like her and are nice to her and just kinda let her be. The woman I was speaking to said that just being around neuro-typical kids who are chatting and be relaxed while observing them was really priceless.

Hopefully, we'll get her day shortened and get some leeway on homework and it will all really help.

[Linda on the move]

I visited the special private school today. There were some really good things about it, and some not so good things about it. In the middle school (6th - 8th grades) there are 18 kids (which is fine) but only 3 are girls (not so fine). The average length of time a child goes there is a year and a half, which means it not a long term soluation. Kids are coming and going all the time.

It would, however, be a very nurturing place. Lots of art time (they have a wonderful art therapy program). We might be able to get the local district to pay for it by hiring an educational advocate. If her emotional state gets worse, I see it as a good option, but I don't think things are that bad yet.

I officially asked the public school for the new changes today (typed them up an actual letter on paper and everything!). So we'll see how that goes.

I also spoke to a small private prep school today and they are open to considering my DD. They asked that I come out and observe and see if I think it's a fit. They have 1 child with high functioning autism currently enrolled.

[karne]

Wow, lots of options to explore. Good luck with the modified school day plan. I'll be interested to see how that goes.

How nice that your dd's can be together at lunch-it sounds like a really safe, good time for dd1.

[joyluc]

My son has been depressed for several years - maybe 4? He has been dx'ed for about a year and his school anxiety issues only really started right before Christmas.

We actually had a great family session this week, his therapist asked him the purpose of his focus on other kids's behavior and he said it is because he is so bored at school. He is so excited about skipping 9th grade and going to high school, his therapist is concerned that he isn't strong enough socially and emotionally. I am too but I can't tell him no it is the first time he has been excited about something in so long.

It sounds like you are finding some good options for your DD. Why is there so much turnover at the private school? My DS would be stressed about the move and not feeling like it is a permanent solution.

I hope the school makes some accomodations for you.

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by joyluc

Why is there so much turnover at the private school?

The kids go back to being mainstreamed. It's a theraputic school -- kids with depression, eating disorders, etc. The kids who leave are doing better and ready to go back to regular school.