Complete stranger trying to get DS to walk. What would you have done?

[Wild Lupine]

DD, DS, and I were at the library today. DS was crawling around, happy as can be, until one of the librarians asked him, 'why aren't you walking?' The librarian then picked him up and tried to get him to bear weight on his feet and said, 'let's see if we can get you to walk.' She got him to his feet and was just about to let go - which would have resulted in him tumbling to the ground and likely hitting his head - when I grabbed him and said, 'he's not good with strangers right now.' This was as quickly as I could get there, it all happened so fast.

As if on cue DS started whimpering and buried his head into my shoulder. The librarian said that she was just wanting to see him walk and I explained further that he was right in the middle of stranger anxiety and needed to get to know people a bit better. I wasn't at all apologetic in my tone, but tried not to be harsh, either.

I chose to focus on stranger anxiety because I didn't want to discuss that DS wasn't walking or even standing at his age. But I may have missed an opportunity to let her know that putting a non-walking child in a standing position could injure the child.

What would you have done in this situation?

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

I would have said he wasnt walking yet. Unless you didnt want to have that conversation as to why or how old etc then I would have did what you did.

[2boyzmama]

Wow, why would anyone think it's okay to pick up a stranger's child like that? It's one thing to intervene if you notice danger, or to separate two children arguing over a toy, whatever, but to just pick up a stranger's child?

Yeah...I'd just say "he doesn't need any help, thank you" and leave it at that. If she pushes for more info, then you can share as much as you feel comfortable with "he has some motor delays and we're working with his therapists" or whatever. Keep it as general as you want, or share every detail, up to you.

[MeepyCat]

I suspect I'd have done what you did under the circumstances, but mama, I would be writing the world's most furious letter now. I'd send it to the head librarian and include the time and date of the incident. Word will trickle down.

It is totally inappropriate not only for a stranger to touch your child without permission, but also for a stranger to endanger him by ignorant interference. The librarian doesn't get to make kids walk just because she wants to see them do it. She doesn't even get to try.

[7callmemom]

What would I have done? Well honestly, I'd have been flustered and reacted just as you did, I'm sure.

Maybe we should work on having rehearsed answers ready.

Sorry you had to deal with this...I'd have been in shock!

Badly done, librarian! Badly done.

[Wild Lupine]

Thanks for the suggestions. I love the idea of having prepared responses ready. Though I am never very good at predicting what random weird encounters I'll have. I can't imagine picking a random baby up and getting him to walk, so I tend to not imagine anyone else would do that either! But the 'he's fine, he doesn't need help' response would work well in a variety of situations, basically anytime I'd be tempted to say, back off, stranger!

[bdavis337]

I wouldn't have been very nice at all, so it's perhaps best that sort of thing has never happened to us.

[Bokonon]

Originally Posted by MeepyCat

I suspect I'd have done what you did under the circumstances, but mama, I would be writing the world's most furious letter now. I'd send it to the head librarian and include the time and date of the incident. Word will trickle down.

It is totally inappropriate not only for a stranger to touch your child without permission, but also for a stranger to endanger him by ignorant interference. The librarian doesn't get to make kids walk just because she wants to see them do it. She doesn't even get to try.

I would have been flabbergasted!

[askew]

I would have been flustered and probably brushed the lady off, but not said anything. Then I would stew about it on the drive home and the rest of the day thinking of witty remarks I should have said.

[Missie]

Why not use it as a teaching situation? I don't know your situation, to be honest, but while it was very inappropriate of the librarian to do so, and a letter should be sent to her boss, I would think that especially if a diagnosis has been made in your son's case that teaching about something so obviously unknown would be a possibility. How else will people learn?

[MeepyCat]

Originally Posted by Missie

Why not use it as a teaching situation? I don't know your situation, to be honest, but while it was very inappropriate of the librarian to do so, and a letter should be sent to her boss, I would think that especially if a diagnosis has been made in your son's case that teaching about something so obviously unknown would be a possibility. How else will people learn?

There are some very simple, clear and commonly held beliefs about the propriety of touching other people's children without permission, or the inadvisability of messing with a kid who is safely, happily, and appropriately occupied and not causing anyone any trouble. And it's a good thing there are because, wow, the things I have heard people say about disabilities. The OP shouldn't have to prepare herself to give lessons every time she runs an errand - it's exhausting and time consuming and requires a lot of energy and patience. Nor should she be obligated to discuss her son's diagnosis with everyone who indicates their ignorance in front of her. She especially is not obligated to open herself to the dumb things that people say about disabilities when confronted about them.

There are lots of ways for people to learn. Parents of disabled people don't have to take on the responsibility for educating everyone they meet in passing.

[mysticmomma]

I always say, "Please don't pick up my child." No explanation needed.

[missmich]

Wow! I've never picked up a random child like that before. Well one time at a playgroup where I was with a tiny one that mommy was holding (yes mommy was with me that day) and I saw a little one who wanted on the horse,but I gave her mom a glance first and made sure she knew that I was offering to lifer her daughter onto the horse and she nodded her head ok.

I don't think it's right to puck up a child and try to see if they can walk though,unless mommy or daddy say you can. It's not even ok to puck them up or anything unless your moving them out of harms way.

I'd have a little chat with the lady and just explain that she shouldn't be picking children up the next time.

[boringscreenname]

My 18 month old DS isn't walking yet either, and if someone would've picked him up and tried to make him walk I would have been livid. He's gotten into this habit of whenever we stand him up, or he pulls himself up, he likes to flop forward. Obviously we know he does this and can catch him, but a stranger wouldn't and he'd be at a real risk for face planting into the floor or a more serious injury.

I would've told her not to touch or pick up my child and to please leave him alone, as he's not walking yet.

[mamazee]

Originally Posted by onemomentatatime

Thanks for the suggestions. I love the idea of having prepared responses ready. Though I am never very good at predicting what random weird encounters I'll have. I can't imagine picking a random baby up and getting him to walk, so I tend to not imagine anyone else would do that either! But the 'he's fine, he doesn't need help' response would work well in a variety of situations, basically anytime I'd be tempted to say, back off, stranger!

How on earth could you or anyone have a prepared response for something as crazy as that? She was going to just teach your kid to walk? There is SO MUCH wrong with the whole situation. First, I don't get the whole "teaching to walk" thing. They walk when they're ready. Second, what the heck is she doing grabbing and picking up someone else's kid without asking? Third, why does she think it's her job to teach something to someone else's kid without asking? There's probably more than that even but I'm so flabbergasted I can't even think beyond those three issues.

edited to add that I didn't notice until after I posted that this is in the special needs forum, but that doesn't make it any less crazy or inappropriate so I'm keeping my post up.

[2cutiekitties]

Originally Posted by askew

I would have been flustered and probably brushed the lady off, but not said anything. Then I would stew about it on the drive home and the rest of the day thinking of witty remarks I should have said.

this is me!

[mrsfru]

My response probably would have been something to the effect of, "Don't you think if he were ready to walk, you'd have already seen him do it?" or "He'll walk when he's ready, and he's not ready today."

But I'm kind of a *itch that way in some situations. LOL

I've gotten flustered by people's responses sometimes to my kids, but that would have ticked me off so much, a reply would have probably flown right out!

You just do the best you can!

mrsfru