Ok, so this may be lengthy and rambley...you are warned.
I have a career that I worked hard to get, went to school, went to law school, passed the bar, worked my way up to the position I currently have. My DH and I waited to have children until we were both through school, bought a house, earned decent salaries, and made a plan for childcare. As for childcare, I enlisted my mother. She was close to retiring and I asked her about it and she said she would love to retire and care for grandkids. I was thrilled, because I did work hard to get my job, but I would not be ok with my DS being watched by just anyone.
So, fast forward, I did get pregnant, and she still said she would retire and watch DS (this is a second job, btw, she's already retired once before). Then, when I gave birth she said there was no point in her quitting then since I would be on maternity leave. So, I agreed and she continued to work, then my maternity leave ended and she said she just wanted to finish out the year. So, my MIL watched DS mostly and I did part time at work for a month to help bridge that gap. Then it was the new year and she said that she would take FMLA leave for 3 months to make sure that I wanted to stay at work. I work for an elected official and we have a new boss, so a very different less family friendly work atmosphere.
That was all workable, however, yesterday, I called for my mother (who stays with my grandmother during the day) and she didn't answer, so I called my gramma and she said my mom was at the store. Then I went to BF DS at lunchtime and my mom wasn't there, so I asked my gramma where my mom was and she told me that she had gone into work for a little bit. I was a bit stunned, why would she be going to work? Then when I picked up DS at the end of the day, I finally made contact with my mom and she was like, well, I decided to go back to work because they need me there. What? I was so speechless. I called DH and sobbed on my drive home. My mom's solution is that when she has to go to work (pretty much full-time but not 40 hours a week) my gramma can watch DS.
I love my gramma, but she is a product of a different time and different upbringing. I tell her that I don't want to eat meat and she puts meat on my salad, I tell her that BFing is really important and she'll say "my kids had formula and they turned out fine." (FWIW she couldn't BF, she did try but she never got milk and my mother was losing weight alarmingly). So, when I was there on my lunchbreak my gramma said, "we need to get a swing so we can put DS in it, your cousin loved his swing, he stayed there all day" and "you should put cereal in with his BM in a bottle and feed it to him to keep him fuller." I am really against these things. My cousin was raised by a swing and a TV, he was dumped on my gramma when she was in her 60s and working full-time, so I understand that she didn't have maybe the wherewithal to raise him, but that is NOT what I see for my DS. I want no TV and minimal time in things like swings, bouncy seats, and exersaucers (I don't say zero time, because he does like the bouncy seat and exersaucer, but I limit there use when I'm with him.
My mom is fantastic, she BFed all of us and was really interactive. We had little TV and lots of outdoor time and activity time. This is what I envisioned with DS. Now I am torn up about this job that she just can't quit. I explained all of this to her yesterday and she said that she understood and would quit this time for real, but at this point I just don't know if I believe that. My mom has a really strong work ethic and worked all but a few years when my sibs and I were very young.
At the same time, my job is getting way less flexible and doesn't pay all that much for being an attorney. (I work in government). I loved my job because of its family friendly atmosphere and flexibility but now that all is changing. So, I don't know if I can handle it much more anyway.
My DS is 7 months and I am committed to extended BFing. My DH thinks I should just quit and stay home with DS for awhile. We could definitely do that, things would be tight but workable. But I would leave my career and that could reflect poorly down the way. I work in a small community and who knows if people would be angry if I left my job.
Again, sorry this is so rambling. Do you have any thoughts? Should I quit? Part of me really wants to, but the other part loves what I do (if not my new office conditions). I'm cross posting this to get SAHMs and WOHMs opinions.
Thanks for sticking with me.
I have a career that I worked hard to get, went to school, went to law school, passed the bar, worked my way up to the position I currently have. My DH and I waited to have children until we were both through school, bought a house, earned decent salaries, and made a plan for childcare. As for childcare, I enlisted my mother. She was close to retiring and I asked her about it and she said she would love to retire and care for grandkids. I was thrilled, because I did work hard to get my job, but I would not be ok with my DS being watched by just anyone.
So, fast forward, I did get pregnant, and she still said she would retire and watch DS (this is a second job, btw, she's already retired once before). Then, when I gave birth she said there was no point in her quitting then since I would be on maternity leave. So, I agreed and she continued to work, then my maternity leave ended and she said she just wanted to finish out the year. So, my MIL watched DS mostly and I did part time at work for a month to help bridge that gap. Then it was the new year and she said that she would take FMLA leave for 3 months to make sure that I wanted to stay at work. I work for an elected official and we have a new boss, so a very different less family friendly work atmosphere.
That was all workable, however, yesterday, I called for my mother (who stays with my grandmother during the day) and she didn't answer, so I called my gramma and she said my mom was at the store. Then I went to BF DS at lunchtime and my mom wasn't there, so I asked my gramma where my mom was and she told me that she had gone into work for a little bit. I was a bit stunned, why would she be going to work? Then when I picked up DS at the end of the day, I finally made contact with my mom and she was like, well, I decided to go back to work because they need me there. What? I was so speechless. I called DH and sobbed on my drive home. My mom's solution is that when she has to go to work (pretty much full-time but not 40 hours a week) my gramma can watch DS.
I love my gramma, but she is a product of a different time and different upbringing. I tell her that I don't want to eat meat and she puts meat on my salad, I tell her that BFing is really important and she'll say "my kids had formula and they turned out fine." (FWIW she couldn't BF, she did try but she never got milk and my mother was losing weight alarmingly). So, when I was there on my lunchbreak my gramma said, "we need to get a swing so we can put DS in it, your cousin loved his swing, he stayed there all day" and "you should put cereal in with his BM in a bottle and feed it to him to keep him fuller." I am really against these things. My cousin was raised by a swing and a TV, he was dumped on my gramma when she was in her 60s and working full-time, so I understand that she didn't have maybe the wherewithal to raise him, but that is NOT what I see for my DS. I want no TV and minimal time in things like swings, bouncy seats, and exersaucers (I don't say zero time, because he does like the bouncy seat and exersaucer, but I limit there use when I'm with him.
My mom is fantastic, she BFed all of us and was really interactive. We had little TV and lots of outdoor time and activity time. This is what I envisioned with DS. Now I am torn up about this job that she just can't quit. I explained all of this to her yesterday and she said that she understood and would quit this time for real, but at this point I just don't know if I believe that. My mom has a really strong work ethic and worked all but a few years when my sibs and I were very young.
At the same time, my job is getting way less flexible and doesn't pay all that much for being an attorney. (I work in government). I loved my job because of its family friendly atmosphere and flexibility but now that all is changing. So, I don't know if I can handle it much more anyway.
My DS is 7 months and I am committed to extended BFing. My DH thinks I should just quit and stay home with DS for awhile. We could definitely do that, things would be tight but workable. But I would leave my career and that could reflect poorly down the way. I work in a small community and who knows if people would be angry if I left my job.
Again, sorry this is so rambling. Do you have any thoughts? Should I quit? Part of me really wants to, but the other part loves what I do (if not my new office conditions). I'm cross posting this to get SAHMs and WOHMs opinions.
Thanks for sticking with me.
If you want to keep working, look for high quality, more reliable child care.
