How do you cope with your car hater?

[MeredithK]

DS is just shy of 5 months. He really, really dislikes the car. When he was younger, he'd just end up crying himself to sleep, but now, he just screams and cries. It is just horrible. I end up almost crying, especially on the way back home.

I've switched him from a bucket to a convertible, blocked the sun, made sure he's fed and changed before leaving, turned on white noise loudly/softly, turned on music, sing to him, talk to him, sit in the back seat with a bottle, sit in the back seat and entertain him, and tried a pacifier. None of this has worked.

Anything I might have missed? How do you cope with your car hater? I avoid going places and doing things because it is really bad (unless it's within 5 minutes of the house). I can't stand seeing those huge tears.

[atlantafemme]

My LO did this from about 3-5 months. It was awful! The pacifier started working eventually. We also put a mirror up so we could see him which inadvertently ended up being very entertaining to him. He loves looking at himself in the mirror. Do you have one?

[MeredithK]

Originally Posted by atlantafemme

My LO did this from about 3-5 months. It was awful! The pacifier started working eventually. We also put a mirror up so we could see him which inadvertently ended up being very entertaining to him. He loves looking at himself in the mirror. Do you have one?

I do have one of the plain ones. Do you think your LO just grew out of it or was it the pacifier?

[atlantafemme]

I do think he mostly grew out of it. Now he doesn't like getting strapped in his seat (it's quite a fight) but once he's in it, he's usually fine.

Hang in there, Mama. This too shall pass.

[Mal85]

DD is a year old and still hates the car. We've tried all the tricks too. Right now, we try to always have someone ride in the back seat with her and plan longer drives around her nap time. If she's tired enough, she'll go right to sleep.

I do want to put up the mirror back there and see if it helps. I'm hoping she'll be able to see me in the rearview mirror if she has a mirror back there. Because I think her main issue is just that she doesn't like being back there by herself. I'm sure it'd be better if she was forward-facing, but I want to keep her rear facing as long as possible so that's not an option right now.

Just know, that sometimes your LO is going to cry. I hate driving with her screaming in the back seat, but sometimes it has to be done. I turn up the music and sing to her and hope for the best, but sometimes it just really sucks.

[eli's mama]

my car hater makes me hate the car. I remember when my first was just a baby and hated the car. It did pass, by the time he was about 1. But it was so hard until it did. My second was better but now my DD hates the car more than the 2 of them combined. Or maybe it just feels that way. She starts out yelling kind of, not really crying and sometimes if I catch it in time (I pull over and nurse her without taking her out of the seat) she'll just go to sleep, other times it's not so great. I really will only drive a minute or two if she is crying, I have to pull over and comfort her or I start to lose my mind. So it can take a long time to get places! But I try not to go places unless I know she is going to fall asleep.

[jess5377]

I just don't drive anywhere anymore...hah, sorry.

[Sweet.Bee]

I have the same problem with my 10-month-old son, so I'm hoping you get a lot of suggestions I can steal!

For him, I think the problem is he feels he must be able to squirm at all times (he hated the wrap until he could face forward and we freed his legs to kick). Sitting still is bad enough, let alone being restrained by straps!

I always sit in the back of the car with him and try to entertain him. Sometimes, if I give him a new toy or item, he is happy for a few minutes. Otherwise, it's complete misery. Last weekend, we drove with him to a mall, and he got so upset on the way back that he was grumpy for the rest of the evening. And now my husband has outright refused to take him anywhere in the car.

To top it all off, his family simply cannot understand that we won't drive the 5-6 hours to visit them because his brother packed their son in the car for a long trip at a couple months old, was so great in the car, blah-blah. Apparently, all babies are the same and love the car.

Luckily, we walk or use the public transportation system (which is really good here!) for most trips, and the little one is ok with that (well, most of the time). Can you do the same where you are?

[karika]

dd1 was this way so I respected her opinion and did not make her go in the car. I would try every now and then to see if she had changed her mind, and we would stop often if she was unhappy (to nurse, get out, potty (we do EC here). It would take me 2 hours from start to finish to go to the grocery store on those trips she went with me. I took a cooler with me for the cold stuff. Basically she and I stayed home and I had to deal with what dh brought home from the store with giving him detailed lists and him calling me from the store. He is bad at picking produce, but it was better than betraying my child's feelings IMO. He did all the shopping for months and she and I stayed at home. We would go out for walks and when he was off work, we would drive sometimes with me in the backseat and stopping whenever she became unhappy. Kids love busses I have found.

[coryy]

I tried to get all my car stuff done at once. I made sure there was a sib in the car to distract her. I tried EVERY cd and tape in the car to see if one was soothing. I found that a HORRIBLE elmo-singing-salsa tape would calm her right down---and kept that tape playing for YEARS in the car! (as a matter of fact, it broke IN the tape player and is still there 6 years later). I made short trips, i tried not to cry myself, i chanted mantras to keep from screaming, and when all else failed....i turned the music in the car louder than her. (sometimes in a traffic jam mom sanity has to prevail).

it will pass. and usually there is ONE song that will do it, you just have to listen to that song over and over and over.....try EVERYTHING.

my middle child actually calmed down to the sex pistols, so anything is possible!!!

[Peony]

DD1 was my worst car hater, I just rarely went out until she was 18 months or so, she truly hated the car! Even my at 7 years of age, she doesn't like the car, and frequently complains of getting car sick but knows it gets her from point A to B. DD2 hated it until 6-8 months and then tolerated it. DS was way better in the car from birth, never loved it, but did ok on very short trips usually.

Coping, well, I tried to limit my driving, make sure they were fed, changed, if I HAD to be somewhere then I just went but I hated doing that and didn't unless I really needed to.

[Cameron's Mommy]

I don't drive more than five minutes of the house along with my 9 month old! otherwise DH drives and i sit in the back seat and nurse ds in the car seat for the ride... its tricky but can be done!

[ACsMom]

Uh, I was going to post the same thread. My 1 month-old is a car-hater, just like her older sister was. My question is, isn't screaming unattended in the car seat harmful to tiny babies? Assuming an attachment parenting model, this to me seems equivalent to "crying-it-out" (the baby doesn't know that you want to comfort him/her but can't). I just worry that it's doing damage, however slight, to that trust bond that's so important for babies to form in the early months. What do you guys think?

My problem is I can't just stay home. My older one has preschool and other activities, all of which she loves, and there's no way I'm going to keep her home. My husband has been taking her to school in the mornings, which helps. But four days a week we have to be in the car for something. Fortunately it's only one trip a day - I've stopped going to stores, & my husband does all the food shopping on weekends now (like somebody else said about their dh, he takes a detailed list and calls me from the store, lol!).

I read in the Sears book that babies often hate the car because it upsets their tummies - their vestibular senses are telling them they're moving, but their eyes only see what's right in front of them, which isn't moving. It's like when an adult reads too long in the car or something - you start to feel queasy and you need to look out the window. The only suggestions Sears provided were to try to limit car trips, keep them short, and when they get a little older make sure they can see out the window. What I've been doing lately is giving myself plenty of extra time to get where I need to go, in case I need to stop the car and nurse her for a while on the way. I guess we all just have to do the best we can.