Student mammas (and pappas!) -- does your school have any policies in place for student parents?

[Kinguk]

I'm just curious as my school doesn't have anything.

I'm having a tough time as I'm required to have immaculate attendance, (I have already had the attendance police after me once), there is nothing to protect me if she or I get sick--I would be lucky to get an extension. In fact, I have asked for extensions on 3 different occasions and was turned down each time.

I'm sure it makes a difference that I am attending a private art school which demands "industry standards". Somehow, I still manage to get all A's and B's. I do believe they need to have different expectations from parents as I can tell you that after having been out of highschool for 12 years, and this being my third time in college, "time management and professionalism" (the two things I get insulted with the most from instructors), are NOT what I'm here to learn.

I'm meeting with the Department/Academic Head's this week as I've told them I don't believe success as a parent is a reality at this school. I would like to talk about getting a policy in place but am just curious as to what other school's policies look like.

I have already lost big marks on two separate occasions as my little one's dad went away leaving me with limited homework time (I'm a single mamma). The first time was during final's week last semester and I lost 11% from my final grade because of that one week alone.

Thanks for any insight anyone can give me!

[stik]

I started grad school before I got pregnant with my first dd, and finished just before she turned 3. My dp is a freelance artist.

There are schools which are more flexible than yours appears to be. When I was a TA, I routinely granted extensions (and saw profs and other TAs grant them) for a variety of reasons including illness and personal emergencies. Even with that, it was hard for parents to do well in school without good support from their families. A lot of the time, when I gave someone an extension for a week, they wound up taking an incomplete in the class and then never finishing. I often felt like the extension hadn't actually helped.

The art industry is pretty unforgiving of personal issues. Rather, a lot of artists have personal issues and no one cares as long as they meet their deadlines. If they don't meet their deadlines, the client:
- doesn't pay
- gets their deposit back, if one has been made
- has to find someone else to do the work
- faces the derailment of the production process, which could kill the project

So while it seems callous, I can see where your school is coming from. If they want to be well-regarded in the industry, they need to build a reputation for teaching students the importance of industry standards for deadlines. There's a good chance that neither the school nor the student will benefit from an extension. With so many people wanting to work in creative fields, it doesn't make sense for the school to coddle a student who is struggling to meet a basic industry standard. There's a reason there's so much crap art in the market (and always has been) - a lot of work is awarded based on reliability, rather than ability.

As a comparative analogy -
MY dp had a meeting with a prospective client one night last month. I had an emotional crisis over an issue in my job that day, and I really needed him to stay home and help with the kids that night. He agreed to do it - that's not something I would usually ask, and I really needed the support. But one canceled meeting cost him a $500 contract (he contacted the client to inform them he was out and sent a friend from a local artists' network, who left a phone message thanking him, or I never would have known). $500 is rather more than 11% of his usual monthly income.

I know I sound unsympathetic. I really hear where you're coming from. But I think if working in the art industry is your long term goal, you need a better support system and childcare that protects your work time, not a more forgiving policy from your academic dean.

[lorijds]

I'm a nurse, and there were absolutely no special policies in place for students who were parents when I was in school. Why should there be? They are not responsible for whether you have a child or not; that's your responsibility. Where would that stop? You could miss two days, per child, per semester? People with more kids get more missed days? What about people caring for adult parents? People who are single, with no children, should be the only ones required to have perfect attendance?

Each person brings their own advantages and disadvantages to the table. While I obviously don't think attendance and other school policies should somehow be lessened for students who happen to be parents, you have other support systems available to you. Student parents often qualify for more financial aide. Large schools usually have support organizations for nontraditional students and many have on campus day care at a subsidized rate. As a parent, you typically bring greater motivation and time management skills to the table, not to mention your real world experience and ability to see the bigger picture (ie, in my personal experience, anyway, student parents are not quite as egocentric as traditional students).

When you go to school as a parent as well as a student, you simply must have your ducks in a row. There can't just be plan A, you have to have a plan B and C as well. It is not your school's responsibility to accommodate for the fact that you are a parent. That's your choice, just like it is your choice to go to school.

[Kristine233]

Nope. We were basically told that we can not have a life outside of school. If we miss 3 days we fail the course. A kid in the hospital doesn't even count. WE OURSELVES have to be in the hospital with a serious issue and it wont even be an excused absence. And 3 tardies = 1 absence. So basically I have to get my kids on the bus and speed to school and am walking in just as she is calling my name for attendance.

And I get where you are coming from too. This is my third time in college and feel like some of my instructors lump all college students into a "immature, have no priorities" group. Very disrespectful. I just grit my teeth and bare it. I do have a couple who have been awesome though. Making a point to ask how family are and whats going on etc.

[oceane]

I'm in Germany and here we do have special support for parents, as in we already in general do not have attendance requirements, there's childcare on campus and as far as I know student parents can apply for a leave semester and still take exams and have those counted if they want to without it adding to your semester count.
I do think that school should cater to the students and their special needs and not vice versa. To me, education is a right and making sure there is a work-life balance is crucial.

[Maluhia]

Other than better on-campus childcare options I can't see how it's a school's responsibility to accomidate those who, for whatever reason (including parenthood) can't live up to the laid-out expectations of their program. You are choosing to attend their program and therefore they get to set a standard that makes all the difference.

Allowing you tardies for one personal reason would change the scope of their instruction and makes your parenthood more important than someone else's equally important relationship to a parent, friend, etc. The thing is as a school they set what works for them and if it is not something you can/will do then choosing another school is the more appropriate choice. I can't see them saying "well, you can have a different policy even though we are known for matching real-life industry standards, because you are a single parent."

[calpurnia]

My school had absolutely no policies in place. It wasn't until I read this NUSreport (I'm in the UK) that I began to feel like at least some of the things, it wasn't that I shouldn't even be bothering (which is how the school made me feel), it was that they weren't making space for me. I'm now working with the student union to set up a policy for student parents. Just a babychanging facility would be nice, & the permission to take children into the library! (I mean, I was not allowed to take my 3 month old, asleep in a sling, into the library to collect books. I don't mean taking a 5 year old in to play football)

[lizziebits]

I'm in nursing school (actually taking a break bc of some pregnancy complications, but I'll return in January), and there are no special considerations for parents, or anyone really.

We're allowed to miss one clinical day (out of approximatley 28); after that an action plan is written up. Missing lecture time is not quite as strict, but they still keep a close eye on things.

As an example: Last semester, I missed two days of my psych rotation. I actually physically showed up both days, but my clinical instructor sent me home b/c 1) I was sick with a fever and 2) there was H1N1 on the floor, and she didn't want me being exposed. She was still required to write up an action plan for me. Another classmates mother died during the semester, and an action plan was required for her days missed due to the funeral.

I think our school's policy is a little crazy at times, and certainly not at all flexible, but they do let you know about it going in. I suppose there theory is that there are many people who want to get into the program, and that they can be picky about things in order to insure the best graduates.

[EFmom]

I work at a large university. We have policies about attendance and a number of other things that set expectations for student conduct. If you can't meet the university's requirements, you shouldn't apply. I certainly don't think the university should be under any obligation to tailor expectations to a person's individual status as a parent.

[Kinguk]

Parents are definitely unique from other students and while this is the kind of feedback I needed from this thread, it definitely was not what I was expecting.

I have to say that I did not fully understand the extent of my school's policies when I started. However, I have learned hard and fast and keep making the adjustments needed in my life to make it through the program.

I’m in BC, Canada, and know of many situations where mothers have brought their child to school because childcare fell through, or a parent would get a sudden call from their daycare topick up their child and wouldn’t have to worry about their schoolwork taking a nosedive. Apparently, mothers are allowed to bring their baby to school for as long as they’re nursing and I have heard of three different situations where this has happened at two different schools.

Obviously these wouldn’t work at every school and not everybody is going to agree with them but, these situations did get me to wondering what was going on at other schools to help student parents be successful.

[One_Girl]

My university didn't have a policy for single parents, but the professors were really nice about letting me reschedule a couple tests when my dd got really sick and I couldn't go in. They were also more leniant about letting me miss class a few times when my dd broke her arm and needed surgery and physical therapy. I tried to rarely go to them for an extension on anything though because so many people abuse that and use their kids as excuses. I got the extensions I needed because I was a good student, showed up to class all the time, answered questions in class discussions and on tests in a way that showed that I had done my homework, and always turned my work in on time.

Many of my professors were also parents themselves when they went to graduate school so they didn't give extensions to students who missed a lot or had a reputation for missing classes. I didn't miss a lot of class and I kept up with my studying while my dd was in daycare and when for a few hours when she was asleep so that I didn't fail classes. I suggest that you spend your time and energy on finding a way to study and attend class rather than using being a single mom as an excuse for not attending class. If you can't attend this university then I suggest you find another one or put off going to college until you can make it to class.

[punkrockmomma]

I go to a small, all women's college. We have child care on campus, and do to the number of adult students w/children, I haven't heard of a teacher not being understanding of a students need to miss class or get an extension if it's due to circumstances with the students child. But then again, I go to a VERY non-traditional school, we don't have grades, we have written assessments from the teacher, ourselves, and our peers, and are encouraged to redo work we do poorly on, in order to pass the class. Our school has very respected art, teaching and nursing programs, and is very well respected in the community. I say this because I think you can still teach a student what they need to know for their future career, and still take into consideration that people have lives outside of work/school.

[GoestoShow]

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Edited by GoestoShow - 1/11/11 at 10:42am

[Dar]

My current (grad school) university is known for being family-friendly. Graduate students get 2 months of leave for a new child, we have a nursery school and a childcare center for the children of students and professors, and graduate students can have their childcare costs subsidized. We also have a pumping room. I don't know what is specifically offered for undergrads, but given the climate of my university, I doubt that many (maybe any) of the undergrads are custodial parents.

That said, I don't think parents should get special privileges in school just because they're parents. As my grandpa used to say, "You got problems, I got problems, we all got problems." I got my undergrad degree starting during my pregnancy and ending just before my daughter turned 5, all as a single mom. I'm pretty sure most of my professors had no idea that I had a child, because it generally wasn't relevant to what I was doing there. I graduated with a 4.0.

OTOH, this was a state university, and I was fully funded through scholarships and grants... perhaps if you're actually paying for college somewhere private, you have more say? I don't know...

[stik]

I feel compelled to add, even though I think it's generally appropriate to require that students get work in on time, I am appalled that there are institutions that would not grant an extension to a student with a family member in the hospital, especially a child in the student's custody. And I'm equally appalled that, with all the concern about swine flu, there are schools that would not excuse an absence for a student with flu-like symptoms.

My general feeling is that extensions should only be granted, and tests should only be rescheduled, for extraordinary circumstances. However, there are identifiable extraordinary circumstances.

I also think all students benefit from some leeway on class attendance. If you're not there, you need to contact the prof to check in, and you need to find a class mate who is willing to share their notes. But IMO, the natural consequence of missing class is missing class. Either you will make it up, or your absences will be reflected in the difficulty you then have on exams.

[purplevega]

Originally Posted by lorijds

I'm a nurse, and there were absolutely no special policies in place for students who were parents when I was in school. Why should there be? They are not responsible for whether you have a child or not; that's your responsibility. Where would that stop? You could miss two days, per child, per semester? People with more kids get more missed days? What about people caring for adult parents? People who are single, with no children, should be the only ones required to have perfect attendance?

Each person brings their own advantages and disadvantages to the table. While I obviously don't think attendance and other school policies should somehow be lessened for students who happen to be parents, you have other support systems available to you. Student parents often qualify for more financial aide. Large schools usually have support organizations for nontraditional students and many have on campus day care at a subsidized rate. As a parent, you typically bring greater motivation and time management skills to the table, not to mention your real world experience and ability to see the bigger picture (ie, in my personal experience, anyway, student parents are not quite as egocentric as traditional students).

When you go to school as a parent as well as a student, you simply must have your ducks in a row. There can't just be plan A, you have to have a plan B and C as well. It is not your school's responsibility to accommodate for the fact that you are a parent. That's your choice, just like it is your choice to go to school.

Yes this is my school. As a nursing student at a large public state college, they do not care why I missed my clinical, or test, or whatever. I missed it, and that's it. I know I have to have a back up plan for my back up plan. Which may include paying someone double what I pay my sitter if she is sick. Being a parent and going to school is HARD, but I have great modivation...my kiddos. I work hard so I can play hard.

I would never expect my school to have exceptions for me as a parent. It is not fair that less would be expected of me. And I would not want to have less expected of me.

Sorry but I think school and parenting is our choice and we can not expect colleges to give us wiggle room for it.

kim

[claddaghmom]

This is why I really like my current school. They are a "real" private university but they also have a complete online program, ages ahead of any other online courses I've seen. They specifically market to parents and military. It's been a huge difference compared to my previous "traditional" university. (e.g. I got to have my hand held in the door while the teacher yelled at me for being 5 minutes late...this was long before I was a mama, or informed, or things would have changed in that school while I was there ).

[pinksprklybarefoot]

Originally Posted by GoestoShow

I think it may be the school.

My school has a lot of non-traditional students and programs in place to support them. But it is not a great school. It's a school geared towards people who would not otherwise attend college. It's entirely possible for someone to take all their classes in the evenings here. It's entirely possible for someone to take one or two courses a semester over the course of 7 or 8 years to earn a bachelor's degree --- one student in my department takes ONE course a semester. She's been plugging away at her degree for nearly 10 years now.

I go to a school like this (it is a state university), although I would argue that that the courses I have taken have been comparable to the ones I took at a small, private, extremely expensive women's college. It really boils down to the instructor. But most seem to understand that life happens (I say "seem" because I haven't had to ask for any extensions personally, but in almost every course I have classmates that do).

Same thing with flexibility - it comes down to the instructor. Ratemyprofessor.com has been very helpful for knowing what I am getting into. People tend to comment on how flexible the prof is with deadlines, etc.

Bottom line, you can't count on a school being flexible just because you are a parent - just like you can't count on an employer granting parents special concessions. Some do, and that is great, but it is not required.

[Ianthe]

I live in a very child friendly state (Utah) and have had no problems when I've had a sick kid or family emergency. A lot of students here are married and have young families, so it's not uncommon. I am sure it also depends on the school you are attending.

[sanguine_speed]

My school is pretty good. We have rights through the Status of Women's office and Equity Services. For example, we get one year off of school without jeopardizing our standing in our program. We can leave an exam to breastfeed and have that time added to the end of our exam (I plan to use this option if my baby is born before my due date as I have an exam on my due date). We can request ergonomic seating during pregnancy or special exam rooms that have better seating. We can leave more frequently for bathroom breaks or to stretch/walk around.
I have brought nursing babies to class before. No one had a problem with this.
Generally, professors are understanding and I have gotten extensions on assignments. I dont' see where this isn't helpful. Generally, when my kids get really sick, they share it around between themselves and it's a few weeks of chaos. A one-week extension on a term paper makes all the difference to me sometimes, and I always get the work done without failing the assignment or class.
I have also defered formal exams for things like my child having pneumonia.
On the other hand, there are some professors that are not as accommodating. I made the mistake of telling a professor I was experiencing severe morning sickness as reason for requesting an extension once. I had a doctor's note excusing me from school and school work for a few weeks. She, mother of three, replied "if you knew you were pregnant, you shouldn't have registered in my course." She ended up in trouble for that, but only because I knew how to complain. The next time this happened to me, I just got a doctor's note and offered no explanation. This was accepted as fine.