toddler playgroup help

[blackbird2]

Hello,

I'm looking for ideas to help my 20mth old interact in a playgroup. Today I felt like I spent the whole time telling him not to take toys from other kids and then having to take the toy from him. I feel like I'm modeling the behavior that I want him to avoid .... but on the other hand negotiating out with just words takes so long that the other kid generally loses interest and my LO just ends up with the toy - I'm not sure I like that lesson.... anyone have ideas or a more helpful way to think about this?

Thanks!

[hipumpkins]

At 20 mos they really are still such babies. They absolutely do not comprehend another person's need for something. At that age the moms I hung out with, we just let the babies take from each other unless the other one was crying. Then we redirected to another toy. At that age it's just matter of redirecting. They can not play together or understand the other kids wants.

[mamaduck]

I do think its important to take the toys and return them, consistently, after giving him one chance to return it himself. Having said that though -- I quit playgroup when my kid went through that phase! The drama was just too much. We hung out with people who had older kids, and he liked that a lot. And I would take time to go out with friends on my own when I could. But a 6-8 month break from play-group kept everyone happy and sane and did no lasting damage.

[VisionaryMom]

Originally Posted by blackbird2

Hello,
but on the other hand negotiating out with just words takes so long that the other kid generally loses interest and my LO just ends up with the toy - I'm not sure I like that lesson.... anyone have ideas or a more helpful way to think about this?

Thanks!

Yeah, we have a friend who does this. It really bothers me. Of course her son is much older (almost 4), and he's learned that if he just refuses long enough, he gets his way. I gave my children once chance and then took the toy and returned it.

[oliversmum2000]

i had a friend whose lo constantly snatched from my son and she would negotiate with him and say please and beg etc for ages while every time my son was crying in frustration, it got to being like a power game in the end with her lo basically seeming to want his mother to go through this whole enormous performance so that in the end he could hand over the toy and be rewarded enormously for it. or maybe im just being cynical....

[mamazee]

Just take it away and distract with something else. I don't think they care that much at that age, and honestly I don't think they're learning about sharing yet either, though it doesn't hurt to start with the concept. Though they aren't going to care about or get the discussion about sharing. It's more about interaction with the moms than the toddlers because the toddlers aren't too concerned about who is playing with what, but the parents get offended by the toddler style interactions and read adult motivations behind their actions. Just say, "Oh! Look at this ball!" One of the kids will want the ball and it'll be all over. Or both kids will want the ball and you'll have the same situation with another toy. LOL. I guess it just seems like it's easy to overthink this stuff. The kids don't care so long as there is something fun to play with.