Did I just let my daughter CIO?

[Autumn C.]

At the end of our usual bedtime routine, my littlest was lying quietly in bed-eyes closed, I walked away. I heard her rustle a bit and she began to cry. I really, really had to pee (sorry TMI) so instead of going immediatly back I went to the bathroom first.

Before I was finished she had stopped crying and fallen asleep. I went in and checked.

So, is that CIO? It was maybe, what 3 mins? 2?

How long does a child cry for it to qualify as CIO?

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

Nope that isnt CIO in my book you just went to pee so it wasnt that long. For me CIO has nothing to do with the time the baby/child cries. It is when you are trying to teach the baby/child a lesson by by letting them cry with no intention of trying to sooth them and you in no way where doing that.

[2cutiekitties]

Some babies also need to cry for a second before they go to bed. Mine did. He was a very intense baby and I guess he needed a release. He slept better when I figured that out, which took awhile because I never, ever let him cry.

[Maluhia]

Letting them cry while you pee is not cry-it-out, in fact CIO is ignoring your child's cries as a type of sleep "training" to teach them that their words/cries mean nothing to you over your own need for a child who goes to sleep like an adult.

[Autumn C.]

Originally Posted by Maluhia

Letting them cry while you pee is not cry-it-out, in fact CIO is ignoring your child's cries as a type of sleep "training" to teach them that their words/cries mean nothing to you over your own need for a child who goes to sleep like an adult.

Well, then, I guess my question is how does my baby know "why" she's crying herself to sleep? I mean, how does she gets -mom's going pee not CIO to mom's trying to train me- CIO?

Is it more a matter of length of time? Like I suppose if a baby was crying for hours that it is obviously CIO. But, what if it's not- hours- but minutes 5?15?

I genuinely have myself freaked out. How do you tell it's just letting off steam or it's damaging her ability to trust and connect?

[Katie T]

Originally Posted by Maluhia

Letting them cry while you pee is not cry-it-out, in fact CIO is ignoring your child's cries as a type of sleep "training" to teach them that their words/cries mean nothing to you over your own need for a child who goes to sleep like an adult.

That's exactly it.

[NSmomtobe]

Originally Posted by Autumn C.

Well, then, I guess my question is how does my baby know "why" she's crying herself to sleep? I mean, how does she gets -mom's going pee not CIO to mom's trying to train me- CIO?

Is it more a matter of length of time? Like I suppose if a baby was crying for hours that it is obviously CIO. But, what if it's not- hours- but minutes 5?15?

I genuinely have myself freaked out. How do you tell it's just letting off steam or it's damaging her ability to trust and connect?

I guess I'd say that if she fell asleep that quickly she didn't have time to CIO. My DS often fusses a few minutes after being transferred to his crib. Sometimes he cries loudly and I go running in and he is sound asleep even though I got there only a few seconds later. Sometimes I am in the bathroom during this cry and when I go in he is asleep. Other times he is awake and still crying and that is when I pick him up and comfort him and he knows that I haven't deserted him.

CIO is really about ignoring the child's needs or reasons for crying. If she was hungry or needed comforting or something, she would have continued to cry, but it sounds like she did not have any unmet needs.

[GoestoShow]

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Edited by GoestoShow - 1/11/11 at 10:39am

[D_McG]

Originally Posted by GoestoShow

Whoa, whoa, whoa!!

Letting your baby cry for 2 - 3 minutes while you pee is not crying it out. Not only that, but it sounds like she's a "settling sleeper," so she was ready to go to sleep (need), but she had a little burst of something she had to get out before she did. She feel asleep after getting that little burst out (need of sleep met).

On the other hand, if you had run in during those 2 - 3 minutes, maybe should would have woken up more fully and been more upset because her need of sleep wasn't being met. Trust me, if she was crying because she needed something, she wouldn't have stopped and gone to sleep that quickly. And babies have reasons for crying, so they do know why.

There is absolutely nothing damaging or ruinous here.

Agree. Honestly I think freaking out about a child crying while you pee is a really dangerous path to martyrdom. Kids cry! It's part of life. If you have to pee then what can you do?

[Violet2]

My DD ended up needing to fuss a bit before sleeping. I was perfectly willing to rock her but that took 2 hours with DD crying and carrying on like she was being murdered (turns out rocking/singing was too much stimulation for her to relax). If I let her fuss on her own, she would be out in 5 minutes. (There were times she would 'party' in her crib, having a good ol' time, for as much as an hour before she would relax enough to sleep.No crying at all but I always thought it was odd how long it took her to fall asleep.)

It's tough if you have a kid who decompresses with fussing b/c you do feel like you're doing CIO as opposed to respecting your child's way of relaxing.

Since your LO went to sleep, they weren't too upset. Sometimes babies cry when they are drowsy/in between sleep cycles. I hear DD crying sometimes in her sleep now, I just wait to see if it stops or not; in a few seconds she usually goes right back to sleep. If they really need/want you, they don't go back to sleep in 3 minutes--you can bet money on that!

So you did fine. Don't worry about it. If your LO needed momma, they would have made that VERY clear.

V

[scottishmommy]

(IMHO)CIO is damaging because it creates a pattern of night time neglect. I know people who will not go to their child in the night because they believe that child needs to learn how to sleep on their on. A baby crying every once and a while is not going to create a consistent message of "your needs aren't important to me". Trust me letting your baby cry for a few seconds while you pee is nothing.

[Super~Single~Mama]

Don't be freaked out! You had to pee, and baby fell asleep - thats great! If baby had really needed you, she would have stayed awake crying until you were done peeing and then you would have figured out what she needed and dealt with it. After you peed.

Don't feel guilty about taking care of yourself - bodily functions included. Mom's have to pee, poop, shower, eat, drink, and all kinds of things in order to be healthy mom's. If we aren't healthy, we can't be good moms.

[Autumn C.]

Originally Posted by scottishmommy

(IMHO)CIO is damaging because it creates a pattern of night time neglect. I know people who will not go to their child in the night because they believe that child needs to learn how to sleep on their on. .

This part made sense to me. The pattern.

So I think I'm freaking out a little more in general because we recently moved Littlest to the sibling room- prior her bed was in our room. I heard and responded, well, cause I was right there. I tried lying there still sometimes but that was ridiculous never once did she go back to sleep with out me doing something.

Now she is. Don't get me wrong - 5 hours of uniterrupted sleep feels heavenly and Littlest is less tantrum-y during the day. But it's weird.

I guess I'm still getting used to it.

[crunchy_mommy]

Originally Posted by Autumn C.

I mean, how does she gets -mom's going pee not CIO to mom's trying to train me- CIO?

Because you came back very quickly. If she was still upset, you would have been there to comfort her, but she just so happened to calm herself down. Kids that are left to CIO almost always cry longer than 2 minutes, because they are waiting for mom or dad to return & help them!!

My DS wakes many many times most nights (sometimes every 10 minutes) and it's very draining for me. Often I have to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, so when he wakes up, I run to the bathroom (while he cries) and run right back -- no more than a minute. I hate it but if I feed him back to sleep, I can't move or go back to sleep myself until I pee, and so I have to stay awake 10, 20, 30 minutes, and then wait 'til he's "out" enough for me to get up, and add to that some serious insomnia, I'd be awake all night!! So he cries while I run to the bathroom for 30 seconds many nights. He almost never falls back to sleep on his own while I pee, but if he did I would just figure he needed to resettle himself & wasn't truly hungry/in need of comfort.

CIO is very different than this, if you look up CIO or Ferberize or whatever, and read what they want you to do, you'll see how different it is than letting your child cry for a minute or two while you tend to your own basic needs.

[scottishmommy]

Originally Posted by Autumn C.

This part made sense to me. The pattern.

So I think I'm freaking out a little more in general because we recently moved Littlest to the sibling room- prior her bed was in our room. I heard and responded, well, cause I was right there. I tried lying there still sometimes but that was ridiculous never once did she go back to sleep with out me doing something.

Now she is. Don't get me wrong - 5 hours of uniterrupted sleep feels heavenly and Littlest is less tantrum-y during the day. But it's weird.

I guess I'm still getting used to it.

I totally know how you feel! I never push things on my dd and when she naturally starts doing big kid things on her own I feel a little freaked out. Your baby is starting to sleep better. She isn't being neglected at all. There are kids who sleep through the night very young and without training.

[Emmery'sMom]

To me it sounds like in her half-asleep state she noticed your absence and started protesting, but was so close to sleep she just went ahead and drifted into slumber before you got back. If she was truly distressed by you not being in bed with her she would have woken up more/continued crying/not fallen asleep so fast.