Help, please! Another how to stop the hitting thread...

[mamaluvs]

DD, just about 2 and 1/2, is having a really difficult time right now but we are not sure why. I'm sure it is related to having a little brother (5 months old) but it really only has been in the last few weeks that she is having big problems. Anyway, she now hits and bites me. Sometimes I know why she is doing it (I'm paying too much attention to baby or I won't let her do something dangerous, etc). Other times I have no idea why she did it. Last night, she was nursing and then cuddling and then bit me hard on my arm. Even worse is that she will randomly attack the baby. Hitting him repeatedly on the head/belly. Yesterday she took a wooden toy to his head. This is bad! And it is breaking our hearts that the baby is in the middle of this. So what can we do? Here's what we are currently doing when it happens:

If I am the victim we remove DD from the situation, then talk to her about why hitting is wrong--hurts people, makes baby cry, then encourage her to use her words (her verbal skills are excellent)-then I tell her to please let me know when she can be gentle and then we can resume what we were doing.

If baby is "victim" and I am home alone, I comfort ds and talk for him, saying things like "I am crying because i am hurt. I don't like to be hit." Once he is calm, I try to talk to dd about the situation. If dh is home, one of us comforts baby while the other person talks with dd.

We aren't big into timeouts but the situation is getting worse and we need another tool to get it through to her that hitting anyone, especially her baby brother is not okay.

[Mama Mko]

What worked amazingly well for me was not saying "dont hit" but instead saying "hit this instead". A would hit, I would redirect and tell him he could hit the couch or the bed or get a pillow. If he feels like biting, he can bite his shirt or a towel. We don't bite people, but we can bite towels! It really worked for us. I had to redirect many times before it sunk in though.