giving up the pacifier

[Mom to E and A]

I've done this twice now, with great success, but am terrified this time.
Baby is due any day and DS will be 3 the end of the month. I don't like that he still has a pacifier now, but certainly don't want it past 3 (both girls gave theirs up on 3rd bday) We had his party last weekend and were going to take it away then, but thought maybe we shouldn't before the baby comes.
Anyway, we have been telling him he's big and doesn't need it and he now seems MORE dependant on it than ever. He always wants it where before he could take it or leave it really. Have I created a monster? What's the best way (least traumatic for us both) to deal with this?

[betsyj]

Why do it now? He is about to have his world turned upside down with the arrival of a new baby. WHy add even more stress by taking away his lovey?

I would try setting some limits once the house settles down after the baby's arrival. Maybe only in the car and at nap times first. I would not just take it away.

[verde]

Each child is an individual with individual needs. Would you expect them to all be potty-learned by a specific date? Or learn their letters? Or tie their shoes? Would you think you'd created a monster if all your kids hadn't met your schedule?

The pacifier is YOUR problem, not his problem. The pacifier is soothing to him -- why do you want to take away HIS soothing device because it makes YOU uncomfortable? Would you like someone to do that to you?

As pointed out, his world is about to have a big change. So is yours with a new babe (Congratulations!) Taking away his pacifier will only create problems that you do not need. Relax and let him readjust. Follow his lead --not yours.

[Getz]

I agree that taking it away before the arrival of a new baby may have major back-fire potential.

Both my kids are paci-babies and both are definitely old enough to not have them! I now limit them to night time only (and they need to ask for them.) Figure eventually they will stop asking. (or so I hope!)

[K1329]

I agree with the other posters - forget about it for awhile. Especially if he's latching on to it more when faced with the prospect of giving it away. Dd used hers until 3.5, or so. She just slowly gave it up and one night announced, I don't need this anymore! Ds is newly 3 and still uses his. Since I've noticed he seems to develop more slowly than dd did, I expect him to continue to use it for awhile. I also feel confident he'll stop using it at some point this year on his own. I'm just happy he's not a thumb sucker! As someone who sucked her thumb for A LONG, LONG time, I have no worries about the paci!

[kittykat2481]

I'm so glad to see this thread, and I'm soooo glad to see all the paci-baby support! DS is a paci boy through and through. I recently had to set some limits on it because he grinds his teeth and was chewing through a paci in a day. So now, he leaves it in his bed before we leave for school, and he chews on a chewy tube (for oral motor stuff) during the day. He has taken very well to this new change so far, but I have no intentions of having him give up the paci entirely any time soon. As with most developmental things, I've found that if I just wait it out, he comes around with no problems sooner than if I fought it.

[Mom to E and A]

Thank you!
I guess I do just need to "get over it"
I guess I just felt that since both my girls did OK with getting rid of it on their 3rd birthday even though I never thought they would, he would too. For DD2, DS was 6 months old on her 3rd birthday so it was different. I just assumed 3 was "too old" for a paci, but with the baby coming, I do need to reconsider...

[Boot]

I'm in an almost identical situation. DS is 3 in a month and I have a 2 week old. I really want him to give it up by 3 for dental reasons. He only uses it for naps and bedtime but he is very attached. I plan to wait until after his birthday and then try to end it. I have heard of people telling their children about the 'paci fairy' and leaving a present to replace the pacis. I'm not sure about that though. Maybe someone else will have some advise besides 'let him keep it as long as he wants'.

[Heidi74]

I am so glad to see this thread! DS is 2.5, and still loves his paci. He would gladly walk around with it all day, but I currently limit it to naps and nighttime. He used to get it during long car and stroller rides too, but we're trying to gently wean him off that.

I too have been thinking about whether to help wean him off it, or just let him have it at nap and bedtime for as long as he wants. He will be three this summer, and we'll be in my home country at the time. There is an amusement park there, where there is this pirate who collects pacifiers from all the children who are ready to give them up, and keeps them in his treasure chest for 1000 years. We might go there this summer, and if we do I could have a talk with DS to see if he is willing to give his pacifier to the pirate for safe keeping. If not, I think I just won't stress about it, but he might actually think it would be exciting to go onboard a pirate ship and put his pacis in a real treasure chest.

I think that if we had a baby due, I definitely wouldn't stress about it, though. Better to minimize the transitions as much as possible...