age for separation anxiety/ no babysitter :(

[hildare]

I'm worried something is odd about dd-- at 4 months, she refused to stay with a babysitter who keeps her one day/week. She screamed for a few hours the last time, we decided to try again this week and it was obvious that it was a no-go. The person who watches her is AP, so we know she wore her, cuddled her and soothed her, etc.
Isn't 4 months old a little young for this behavior? And also, she's fine with either me OR dh, just, apparently, no one else. I'm not sure what to do, she doesn't HAVE to stay with a sitter, and I don't want anyone stressed like that for a long time. Will she change her mind anytime soon about it, if you've had this happen to you?

[PrincessAnika]

4mos is not too young, though yes it does normally happen later on. dd has been like this....well i've only been able to leave her 2 or 3 times, she's 7mos old. twice she was asleep and woke up right before i got back (once w/ daddy, once w/my sister), the other time we had a wedding to go to and my parents watched her for most of it (she was 5wks old) i have not been able to leave her since.....now it is to the point where if daddy is not home and i walk out of the room she will scream when she can't find me until she does. i just keep reminding myself that 'this too shall pass'....

[AndtheStars]

My DS seemed to go through the same thing as your DD. From 3 mos to 6 mos, he screamed whenever I wasn't around. He wasn't even ok with DH although he would do in a pinch if he had been screaming for awhile. He's just shy of 7 mos now and is fine. I don't know what changed. My parents and my IL's were with him for 2-3 hours twice or three times a week since he was born and it seemed like at 6 mos he actually started to recognize them and like being in their care. I'm hoping that the early separation anxiety means that it won't pick up again later. I think the willingness of my parents and IL's to hold him while he screamed week after week helped DS to finally realize that it was ok to be with them instead of me. Hang in there, Mama!

[cristeen]

According to my father, I was like that until I was a year old. I would willingly go with mom or grandma or aunties, but wouldn't go with dad or grandpa or uncles. And that was from birth.

So every child is different. Follow her cues.

[maptome]

My babe started with the separation anxiety at 3 months and hasn't let up yet at 7 months. Can't leave her with anyone except DH. She even starts crying if a stranger gets too close to her when I'm holding her. She usually only tolerates being around other babies.

[diana_of_the_dunes]

My DS did something like that at 4.5 months. My best friend's parents (who are pretty much my second family) started watching him for a few hours a day a few days a week when he was around 3 months old. After about 2 weeks, Bob went to Japan for 2 weeks. When he came back, I handed DS to him for a welcome-back hug... And DS freaked out. He screamed for 5 minutes and cried another 5, even though I snatched him back right away, and I felt like the worst mommy in the world... Bob had been his favorite before that trip, but he seemed to have forgotten him while he was gone. Thankfully, my best friend's mom was there also, since I needed to go to work, so he had another caregiver that wasn't scary to him. For a few days DS would whimper or cry if he saw Bob, even while I was holding him. But he got over it within 4 days, and now they're buddies again.

Maybe on a few days when you aren't working, you can take your LO over to the babysitter and stay there with her to help her adjust? My experience makes me think that at this age they have a limited memory, so DD probably just forgot the babysitter since she doesn't see her that often...