What are your pet peeves about being a single parent? - Page 2

[Freedom~Mama]

Originally Posted by RollerCoasterMama

*choke* SERIOUSLY???? I have never even heard of that! When I don't want to hand out candy, I turn the porch light off. Problem solved!

Well they live on a street where lots of trick or treaters go and sometimes there are hundreds of trick or treaters, plus I think they go to an adult Halloween party that night and so they want kids to get candy but don't want to have to be at home to do it.

[griffin2004]

1. It would never cross the mind of most of the couples I know to socialize with a single person -- even if I'm friends with both of them. I thought having DD would move me into the "acceptable to hang out with" category but it hasn't.

2. People who don't understand that every penny in my budget is squeezed to the point of screaming. I can't drop everything and go out for lunch; yes, as odd as it seems, I actually have to save up to go out for a sandwich.

3. My DD's school requires 30 hours of volunteer time from every family. No matter how many parents. So the single moms get to do on their own the same number of hours as a married couple gets to divide between themselves. I've brought it up with administration; no changes.

4. Thanks for suggesting how good it would be for me to go the gym. When in my 6:00a.m.-to-midnight day would you suggest I do that? And will you be watching DD while I'm there? And paying for my membership? Yeah, I didn't think so.

[RollerCoasterMama]

Originally Posted by griffin2004

4. Thanks for suggesting how good it would be for me to go the gym. When in my 6:00a.m.-to-midnight day would you suggest i do that? And will you be watching dd while i'm there? And paying for my membership? Yeah, i didn't think so.

this!!!

[meemee]

Originally Posted by Seie

I sometimes idealise a perfect relationship where a loving husband cooks me dinner and gives me a massage after tugging the kids in..

what i need is not a 'husband' but a 'wife' - someone who cooks and cleans for me. that is the part i really dont wanna do nor do i really care about it. i enjoy it once in a while, but it is a waste of my time. so that's when i read this essay by a woman saying she needs a 'wife' and that's when i learnt man she is so right.

i am not the cleaning lady and either 'wife' pays for it or does it himself.

you know i have come to the point where i am no longer willing to put up with anyone's bull$hit or their hangups. i am so done with games i see people around me play. even my good friends. if that means i have to be single for the rest of my life, then so be it. i absolutely have no regrets.

[Satori]

Originally Posted by meemee

what i need is not a 'husband' but a 'wife' - someone who cooks and cleans for me. that is the part i really dont wanna do nor do i really care about it. i enjoy it once in a while, but it is a waste of my time. so that's when i read this essay by a woman saying she needs a 'wife' and that's when i learnt man she is so right.

i am not the cleaning lady and either 'wife' pays for it or does it himself.

you know i have come to the point where i am no longer willing to put up with anyone's bull$hit or their hangups. i am so done with games i see people around me play. even my good friends. if that means i have to be single for the rest of my life, then so be it. i absolutely have no regrets.

ditto, I've joked for a long time that I don't need a husband, I need a wife! Someone to cook, clean, raise the kids and pamper me after I go play with the grown ups at the office I don't put up with BS in relationships and yes I do stay single because I do have high standards and don't do BS.

[Kinguk]

People who insist I need to internet date!

[incorrigible]

Originally Posted by Kinguk

People who insist I need to internet date!

omg! my own KIDS keep doing this to me! The dating thing really drives me nuts, though. Firstly, it's apparently not healthy for me to be alone like this. I should at least try! After pointing out that I've asked out just about every single man either one of us has ever met over the past (we won't go into how many years it's been), and guys just aren't interested in a single mom unless she is an easy lay or wants him to move right in (another BIG peeve, btw)...I get told I'm being turned down because of my low self esteem. I apparently don't think I'm good enough for anyone. I've been totally misunderstanding reality, it seems. High self esteem is when you let someone do whatever they want to you just to avoid being alone. Low self esteem is when you expect the same level of respect you did when you didn't have kids. My bad! PEOPLE! (I'll buy that my standards are too high, though. I just can't see any fat to trim off that budget that wouldn't be an unhealthy cut)

I would love to meet some of these pitying people you speak of though. Can they be hit up for help with household repairs, cooking, cleaning, child care, or any of the like? Arms to hold me and a shoulder to cry on from time to time might be a bit much, but just throw some crust my way? Cause I'm beyond fed up with hearing how strong and capable I am and how much everyone looks up to me. For once, I'd like to be able to lean on someone else's shoulder instead of them on mine. When every other mom at scouts was a SAHM with kids in ps all day, even! The only single mom (no really. this is literal), and homeschooling mine, in the group of 40+ families was always the FIRST person they called when they needed something. As one example of many...

While I'm making requests, it would be awesome if I could not be the only single person at a social gathering, from time to time. I'm trying really hard here, and in my rather large social circle I can only think of 2 other people that aren't in some kind of serious long term committed relationship. One dates pretty regularly but is actually taking the time to learn to be on her own (which is really cool and healthy of her). The other...omg, if I'm the female version of him, I *should* have low self esteem! He's a good guy at heart and all, but totally undateable by any standards and not at all relationship material. Are he and I the last single-not-by-choice people left on earth?!?

*is off to find the March dating thread to vent properly about needing a date*

[Oh the Irony]

Originally Posted by Satori

3) The married moms saying "I feel like a single mom" yes I know they don't mean any harm but dang if I don't feel insulted and belittled when they do. In the end I'm the one who handles EVERYTHING, I don't have a mate bringing home the bacon to pay the bills or relieve me when I'm at my wits end or to even offer emotional support and even the military moms try claiming it because there DH's are stationed over seas or what ever but still they have the fathers income coming in (which in itself offers a lot of support) and they still can get emotional support even if its just from a phone call or a letter. Single moms don't have that!

ok, pet peeve rant over, what are your single mom pet peeves?

This is one of mine. Being a single mom for me has two sides. One side is incredibly empowering and truly fantastic. Much better for me than being married and I had a decent marriage until it exploded.

The other side of single parenting is the logistical day to day grind. Transportation, food for everyone, trying to keep up with house and laundry, etc. This can get exhausting and overwhelming if something happens to throw us off.

So when they say they feel like a single mom--they are only talking about the challenging part of the picture without a nod to the wonderful side of being a single parent. There are certainly days I wish I had some help with cooking, cleaning, etc. but I like being single.

When people in abusive situations say it, they should know that being a single mom will be a few steps up when they become single.

When happily partnered people say it because their DH is out of town working to support the family but they talk on the phone every day and she gets a check every week or two--that's my pet peeve.

It seems like people either look at you as Super Woman or pity you. Of course, I'd much rather be seen as super woman--but I actually like it when people have some concept of what all is on my plate. Not in a pity or too bad for you way--but I actually like some recognition sometimes. Hey, you do an awful lot. And see that even Super Woman can't always keep everything in the air...

I haven't experienced too many comments irl though.

[lilyka]

"can;t you just get a sitter or send them to their dads?" um. no.

[aaronsmom]

Originally Posted by lilyka

"can;t you just get a sitter or send them to their dads?" um. no.

Friends that are partnered or have no kids invite me out all the time and don't understand that I really need AT LEAST 3 or 4 days notice to get a sitter. Ugh.

[Minxie]

Originally Posted by aaronsmom

Friends that are partnered or have no kids invite me out all the time and don't understand that I really need AT LEAST 3 or 4 days notice to get a sitter. Ugh.

And the opposite: Friends that are partnered or have no kids but don't invite me because they assume I wouldn't be able to find a sitter.

[BugMacGee]

I have a lot. My friend said to me the other day, "I used to be judgemental about single moms" Great! What on earth for? Do you judge me for leaving my alcoholic deadbeat husband? Would you have stayed with him? Oh, that's right, you wouldn't have been dumb enough to marry him in the first place.

I just get tired of the advice coming from well intentioned people who have no idea what being a single parent is actually like.

My mom bugs me. It was my birthday on Friday. Her suggestion, "Get another one of your single friends, go out and meet somebody!!!" Great, except that there are soooo many practical reasons why that doesn't work. 1) I have no single friends!!!
2) What money do I have to go out?
3) I have to go to work at 7 am the next day which means I have to be in bed by 9 or I am a basket case.
4) I'm so incredibly discouraged about single parent dating that I want to scream. Having my mother pressure me doesn't help.

My mom constantly tried to tell me how difficult her life was as a young mother and how I should be grateful. Sigh. She was married to a corporate lawyer, had a nice home, cleaning lady, blah blah blah. I weep for her hardship. Eyeroll.

Maybe I just need a thread about my mom.

[dziwozony]

*Books/interviews/newspaper articles talking about how children do much better with two parents. Maybe it is ideal for a child to have two adults in their life, but surely only if they are two *good* people in a healthy relationship! If the parents are fighting all the time or one parent has a bad temper, how can they argue that's best for kids just because there are two adults?? It drives me mad.

*Pity. Being sympathetic when I'm having a rough day can be nice. But the "Oh, you poor thing" approach is getting old. I have one friend who continues to do it & I need to find a way to say something before I just snap at her one day! Yes I'm in a rough patch, but each day is a million times better than spending my life with my X.

[MtBikeLover]

Originally Posted by Gillian28

As for your #3, be careful not to judge too quickly. I can see it being annoying if the woman has a loving husband who just happens to be physically gone. But for the last 6 months before stbx and I separated he was a lousy husband/father, I really was doing it on my own, and in many ways it was just as hard as it is now. And I'm sure other women have been in similar situations.

I would be one of those other women in a similar situation. I used to say all the time that I felt like a single mom (until I read on here one day that single moms didn't like it when married people said that).

What I didn't know was that being a single mom would turn out to be a million times easier than being married to someone that did not lift a finger to help me out at all.

ETA: The only pet peeve that I have about being single is that I didn't do it sooner!

[Bad Mama Jama]

mine is that in my case, my ex is somewhere smiling thinking that he is getting off totally free and clear. meanwhile, support owed is mounting and so are expenses. i truly don't care if we never see him again. it would be too soon in my opinion, but he does have a financial obligation to his daughter.

that me. it also makes me mad because he is the type to keep trying over and over to replace things or people instead of doing right by folks. so, he is probably trying to get another "family" started somewhere since the bottom dropped out of this situation.

[sparklefairy]

Originally Posted by MtBikeLover

I would be one of those other women in a similar situation. I used to say all the time that I felt like a single mom (until I read on here one day that single moms didn't like it when married people said that).

What I didn't know was that being a single mom would turn out to be a million times easier than being married to someone that did not lift a finger to help me out at all.

ETA: The only pet peeve that I have about being single is that I didn't do it sooner!

Yes, all of this.