1 year old WANTS things SO badly

[kfillmore]

I thought it was tough before but now DD wants things-all sorts of things SOOOO badly. She wants thing she sees and cries hard if she can't have them. The other day we were parked in the car and someone walked by with a plastic water bottle. She wanted it and cried. Usually it is things at home or maybe a store. Is this a typical stage?

[sapphire_chan]

We're still going through it here. And it's gotten worse.

Distractions help, but it's soooo hard to think of something else to offer when she's screaming and she's just as likely to take whatever else we offer and throw it on the floor instead.

Being sick, tired, hungry, or thirsty makes it worse, by the way.

[pbjmama]

Yes, it is normal.

[elmh23]

Normal. My son is newly three and still does it at least once a day. My daughter had outgrown it by this stage, but I think ds's speech delay is causing his to continue. It really sucks, but yes, eventually the outgrow it! (And actually, it just turns in to them telling you they want x with words, sometimes without tears!)

[faithsstuff]

if you find an answer I will pay you any amount of money for it. 14 month old ds has mastered the brain bursting shriek from hell.

[NicaG]

My dd is 17 months old and tantrums every time she can't have something she wants. It's making me a little crazy! Especially in regards to food--she wants to try everything I eat, and everything her big brother eats, and sometimes it's just something she can't have (choking risk, etc.). If she spots a box of cookies, she will scream for 20 minutes (I don't think her older brother ate a cookie until he was about 2.5.) I am hoping this phase doesn't last long!

[boringscreenname]

DS is 18 months old and the same way in regards to food. I will go and get something from the kitchen, then he sees me with it, and crawls over as fast as he can while crying and whining. Then he pulls himself up to me, flashes me a big grin, and asks for a bite.

He gets so mad when I won't let him have certain foods either. And he also gets mad if I get up to throw an empty box away, put an empty bowl in the sink etc...

[kfillmore]

I am afraid of making her feel...unsatisfied. I don't really mean in that moment. I am not sure that is even the right word. I don't want her to unfulfilled/unsatisfied (desperate?) on a deeper level.

I also don't want to begin that horrible slope to lack of dicipline (no means no etc)

[asoulunbound]

I don't want to sound dumb... but what do I do if it's something she can't or shouldn't have? DD is 16 months.

[elmh23]

I always just told them why they couldn't have x, and then held them as they screamed. Or gave them sympathy and let them scream on the floor (this was only when they were violent.) Either way, a kind tone goes a long way.

[Llyra]

First, choose your battles. If she really CAN have it, you might want to say yes, even if it means a little hassle. But when she really just honestly can't, or it's something dangerous or unhealthy or just plain impossible, then I think the only thing to do is to be sympathetic, friendly, but unmoved. I say things like, "yes, you really want that, don't you? It looks like so much FUN. But we can't-- it belongs to the other boy. I know, I know, but we just can't." And then be a shoulder to cry on. If she loses control and needs to have a tantrum, allow her to have it, and be there when she's done to help talk through what happened.

Childhood is going to be full of these moments, as LOs learn about life's limitations. You can't give them everything they ask for, and if you did, they'd be horribly ungrateful for what they had. But you can teach them that 1. you honestly do understand and care how they feel, even when those feelings are negative, 2. you'll provide them with what they truly need, and 3. the world doesn't end if they don't get something they liked.

[AustinMom]

Originally Posted by Llyra

Childhood is going to be full of these moments, as LOs learn about life's limitations. You can't give them everything they ask for, and if you did, they'd be horribly ungrateful for what they had. But you can't teach them that 1. you honestly do understand and care how they feel, even when those feelings are negative, 2. you'll provide them with what they truly need, and 3. the world doesn't end if they don't get something they liked.

I agree. My son (now 19 months) was on a "phone" kick. Anything with buttons, calculators, remotes, phones, etc, he had to have if it was in the area. This was everyone's too. At restaurants, he would cry for stranger's phones. I don't mind him playing with them, until, I was in the car, and he wanted my cell, and I gave it to him, and he dialed 911. Not ok, so I took it away, he screamed. If he plays with a phone for any amount of time, it becomes a week long thing of getting him to not throw a tantrum when he can't have one. So, we cut out phones. It sounds crappy, that we did, but I don't feel that type of addiction like desire is healthy, especially at 1, and I don't want him to think he can have whatever he wants. No, he probably won't understand "that's not mine, I can't have it" now, but I can lay the ground work for him understanding that at 3 or so.

But, if you do find the solution to all, yes, I too will pay any amount of money for it!

[Amandala]

This still happens to me.

Not my son, I mean, me.

[claddaghmom]

Originally Posted by Amandala

This still happens to me.

Not my son, I mean, me.

In the example given, though, could she have been thirsty?

[gagin37]

Originally Posted by Llyra

First, choose your battles. If she really CAN have it, you might want to say yes, even if it means a little hassle. But when she really just honestly can't, or it's something dangerous or unhealthy or just plain impossible, then I think the only thing to do is to be sympathetic, friendly, but unmoved. I say things like, "yes, you really want that, don't you? It looks like so much FUN. But we can't-- it belongs to the other boy. I know, I know, but we just can't." And then be a shoulder to cry on. If she loses control and needs to have a tantrum, allow her to have it, and be there when she's done to help talk through what happened.

Childhood is going to be full of these moments, as LOs learn about life's limitations. You can't give them everything they ask for, and if you did, they'd be horribly ungrateful for what they had. But you can teach them that 1. you honestly do understand and care how they feel, even when those feelings are negative, 2. you'll provide them with what they truly need, and 3. the world doesn't end if they don't get something they liked.

ds is 18 months and we go through it all day every everyday. Lately it's been over the chicks we have in the house. I'll be so glad when they are big enough to move outside.