Mornings are so hard! (evenings aren't a breeze either)

[2boyzmama]

My husband is about ready to strangle Connor I think!

He's been in a stage that seems to be lasting a while. Constant whining, lots of crying. Evenings are rough because there's so much I need to get done, and he tends to follow me around whining/crying. I make sure to sit down and nurse him and talk with him as soon as I get home, spend that time reconnecting for 10 minutes or so. Then I am constantly talking to him as I go about getting thigns done (cooking, eating, cleaning up, getting him in jammies, etc) It has helped, but he still drives me up the wall most evenings.

Mornings are the big problem. He wakes up crying, always has. He's in a big boy bed now, so he wakes up crying and wanders out of his room to our room crying the whole time. If it's really early, my husband will take him back to his bed and daddy will lay down with him for a while. But even then when Connor wakes up again later he's crying again. He cries as we get him dressed. He cries through breakfast. He cries about everything. He wants to be held, he wants to eat, he wants to go bye-bye, he wants mama milk, he wants basically everything and anything other than what is in front of him (even if it's exactly what he asked for ten seconds ago).

This crying/whining phase lasts about an hour or so, sometimes longer. By the time he gets on the bus to go to school, he's usually fine and he's fine when he's at school. He comes home and the crying/whining starts up again.

I'm sure some of this is the weather, everyone in the house is feeling SO ready for Spring. We're a big outside family, and haven't had nearly enough of that all winter.

I'm sure some of it is just his age.

I'm sure some of it is his communication challenges...he signs well and tries to verbalize, but there is still a lot that we don't understand. I try hard to take the time to ask him calmly to repeat himself, show me his signs, take me to it, etc.

I'm sure some of this is sibling rivalry, he and Ian are constantly bickering, arguing, touching each other, stealing toys, etc. I try not to intervene if it's just normal sibling issues, they sort it out eventually.

He is on Singulair, and I know behavioral side effects can happen, but this started before he started taking the med, so I don't think they're connected. However, his sleeping habits have changed. He used to wake up once a night, now he's sleeping through the night, but waking earlier in the morning than he was. I think he's getting good sleep, but he's waking in a horrible mood.

My husband is not known for his patience, unfortunately. I usually try to leave for work before any of the kids wake up because otherwise I'll never get out of the house. This morning I was just finishing pumping and about to jump in the shower, supposed to leave in 30 minutes, and Connor woke up. I took the time to nurse him quickly, then I offered to let him shower with me. He started crying and didn't stop. Dh woke up in the worst mood, and was already yelling/snapping at Connor. I quickly showered and came out to hear Ian in his room crying (Dh snapped at him), Gavin crying on the bed (hungry, I'm sure), and Connor still crying on the bathroom floor. So I took the time to nurse the baby, calm down Connor, calm down Ian, get both the big boys dressed, pour their bowls of cereal, and make a bottle of expressed milk for the baby (who was still hungry since I had just pumped). By the time I left, I was 30 minutes late.

I can't do that every morning. I NEED my husband to do it. But he NEEDS Connor to be in a better mood. I don't know why dh was so cranky, but I know the feeling of waking up in a bad mood then having your kids whining/crying and it jsut sends you over the edge. I know, I've been the guilty parent before. But my bad days are isolated, Dh's are much more frequent. Connor's morning behavior starts the whole day off on the wrong foot and then I'm dealing with emails and text messages all day, trying to put out fires at home while I sit at work. I try to get home early so I can relieve my husband, but then that just means I have to work longer the next day to make up the hours (I can do that, I just have to get my 40 hours in, it doesn't have to be 8 hours every day, it can be 7 one day and 9 the next, to a certain degree anyway).

I've tried telling dh that a big part of Connor's mood in the morning is HIS mood in the morning, and that he just needs to force himself to be calm and patient and eventually (hopefully) it will rub off on Connor. But I'm talking to a brick wall (because really, dh is just like Connor, wakes up in a bad mood).

SO...is this just part of the age? Is this part of the communication breakdown because of the Apraxia? Is this really my husband's problem, and not Connor's at all?? What can I do to help both of them???

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by 2boyzmama

I've tried telling dh that a big part of Connor's mood in the morning is HIS mood in the morning, and that he just needs to force himself to be calm and patient and eventually (hopefully) it will rub off on Connor. But I'm talking to a brick wall (because really, dh is just like Connor, wakes up in a bad mood).

I'm not familier with Connors dx (I've read the words, I don't understand what they mean). Is there anything that can be done to work on the crying?

I can see how it would put tremendous stress on both you and your DH and your marriage.

Mornings aren't going well here either and they are my problem because my DH has early meetings as work. I personally believe that it would be best if you and your DH could figure out a way to share the responsibilty for mornings.

As the parent who is left to deal with the child who is falling apart and nothing works for, being told that I need to remain calm doesn't help. Sure, it's true. Sure, DD and I feed off each other. But being left with a completely impossible situation month after month and then told to remain calm.......

Kinda makes me want to run away from home. Or drink.

So my advice is to talk to Connor's team of experts and try to figure something new out, and try to figure out a way for you and your Dh to share the morning parenting, and try really, really hard to be nice to each other.

[2boyzmama]

Thank you for giving me your perspective, it does help.

It would be ideal if we could share morning duties, but I have to go to work, and for now he is the stay at home parent. Connor doesn't have to be awake until 8:15 or so, and I usually leave the house by 7:30. I can go to work later, but then I get home later in the evening, and the problem becomes evenings. Basically my husband and Connor are butting heads no matter what time of day it is. They feed off each other's bad moods, frustrations, and impatience.

If I am home, I am able to keep things calm and everyone is happier. But I just can't be home.

I am going to call Connor's pulmonologist to see if the Singulair could be the cause of some of this. When he started taking it he started sleeping through the night (YES!!! It is hard enough to get up with a baby at night, to get up with a toddler also was just about killing me!) but like I said now he's waking up earlier in the mornings, which is part of what's leading to all these problems. He takes the Singulair at night, I wonder if he can take it in the morning instead.

In three weeks my husband starts back at school again and we have a nanny. This will actually make the mornings harder, though, because now my husband will have to have himself ready AND Connor ready before the nanny gets here.

The thing is, if I am home, I can stay calm and work through Connor's crying. He still cries, but I am able to be calm and stick to the routine and get him off to school with much less of an ordeal. Dh can't seem to find a routine that works for them. So it's not all Connor's problem, you know?

I really don't know why he wakes up crying. He is pretty much non-verbal, but he's very good with ASL, so he can communicate. We do the same thing every morning, awake, get dressed, eat breakfast, get backpack ready, then if there's enough time he can play until the bus comes. This has been the routine since he started school end of August.

Ugh.

This evening was better, and hubby was in a better mood by the time I got home (and judging by his Facebook posts during the day, it was a good day once the morning issues were handled).

[mrsfru]

DS1 woke up crying and/or screaming EVERY MORNING until he was around 3-3.5 years old. He's 4.5 now and he still has some bad mornings. He was on Singulair for about a year, and yes, it did contribute to that yucky feeling he had often. It did disrupt him sleep. Discontinuing it did help, and I tried to add it back in...and some of the issues came back or got worse. DS1 has trouble w/transitions....and waking up IS a transition. There may be ways to make it easier for him--extra time in the morning w/you (maybe you could get ready and then wake him up and give him time to work some of it out--I know that would require *you* waking early...but on the evening end, you might be able to get him to bed a little easier b/c he might be calmer from having an easier day and getting up earlier), calm music on in the house in the am (no tv and bright lights--helps us a lot!), try one of those clocks for kids w/the special lights that help them know when it's time to get up (onestepahead.com has one for about $30) or a light that slowly turns on and gets brighter when it's take to wake up. It sounds to me like he struggles w/transitions....

Some of the same suggestions may help your hubby, too. I know having just one cup of coffee by myself and being able to get dressed and brush my teeth w/o the kids being up makes me feel much nicer and human.

GL!

[2boyzmama]

Here's something interesting... Connor woke up at 5am and hubby went to lay in bed with him. Connor woke up again at 7:20 and came out of his room crying (of course). But before he even got to me, he saw cookies that were left out on the counter last night, and he stopped crying, got the chair, climbed up on the counter, and grabbed a cookie. I put the box away, but let him keep the cookie he had already gotten. The morning was pleasant after that. He kissed me bye, and was happily getting dressed as I left for work.

So what gives? Is he really just crying in the morning because he's a brat? I mean really! If a cookie is all it takes for him to have a good morning, then I doubt that it's an issue with his medication, you know?

This is obviously NOT a habit I'm interested in continuing...we have to find some other way to get him to wake up without crying.

[KimPM]

Originally Posted by 2boyzmama

Here's something interesting... Connor woke up at 5am and hubby went to lay in bed with him. Connor woke up again at 7:20 and came out of his room crying (of course). But before he even got to me, he saw cookies that were left out on the counter last night, and he stopped crying, got the chair, climbed up on the counter, and grabbed a cookie. I put the box away, but let him keep the cookie he had already gotten. The morning was pleasant after that. He kissed me bye, and was happily getting dressed as I left for work.

So what gives? Is he really just crying in the morning because he's a brat? I mean really! If a cookie is all it takes for him to have a good morning, then I doubt that it's an issue with his medication, you know?

This is obviously NOT a habit I'm interested in continuing...we have to find some other way to get him to wake up without crying.

I'm wondering if he's got low blood sugar in the morning. (Or perhaps he's even highly sensitive to a low-normal blood sugar level.) I know I feel pretty bad when I have low blood sugar. First thing in the morning I just HAVE to eat. Forget getting a shower or anything. Eating comes first for me.

So, what does he snack on in the evening before bed? Is it something carby that will raise his blood sugar, then let it fall too low during the night? Does he even have a snack before bed?

[2boyzmama]

Originally Posted by KimPM

I'm wondering if he's got low blood sugar in the morning. (Or perhaps he's even highly sensitive to a low-normal blood sugar level.) I know I feel pretty bad when I have low blood sugar. First thing in the morning I just HAVE to eat. Forget getting a shower or anything. Eating comes first for me.

So, what does he snack on in the evening before bed? Is it something carby that will raise his blood sugar, then let it fall too low during the night? Does he even have a snack before bed?

Hmm...you might be on to something. He wakes up from ANY sleep in the worst mood, in fact that's one reason why we ended his day time naps, it just wasn't worth the 1-2 hours of crying after he woke up!

And I HAVE been cracking down lately on food. I've made the rule that he eats what I cook or he doesn't eat. Last night he hardly ate any dinner (breakfast for dinner, eggs, bacon, little smokies). He did have a cookie before bed (hence why the cookie box was left out on the counter) (we were celebrating the dog's birthday, hokey I know, but we gave her a special dog cookie and the rest of us got a regular cookie).

Hmm...

Okay. I'll try to focus on giving him protein rich snacks before bed and a protein/carb leveled breakfast as soon as he wakes up. I wonder if that's why he INSISTS on nursing first thing in the morning too.

You really might be on to something!

[KimPM]

Also...

http://www.merck.com/product/usa/pi_...ngulair_pi.pdf

Singulair...what form is he taking it in? Is he allergic or even just sensitive to any of the "inactive ingredients"? Note that the cherry flavored chewable tablets have ASPARTAME in them. That has been known to cause irritability.

...and on page 11 of the prescribing information:

"Neuropsychiatric events have been reported in adult, adolescent, and pediatric patients taking
SINGULAIR. Post-marketing reports with SINGULAIR use include agitation, aggressive behavior or
hostility, anxiousness, depression, dream abnormalities, hallucinations, insomnia, irritability, restlessness,
somnambulism, suicidal thinking and behavior (including suicide), and tremor. The clinical details of some
post-marketing reports involving SINGULAIR appear consistent with a drug-induced effect.
Patients and prescribers should be alert for neuropsychiatric events. Patients should be instructed to
notify their prescriber if these changes occur. Prescribers should carefully evaluate the risks and benefits
of continuing treatment with SINGULAIR if such events occur (see ADVERSE REACTIONS, Post-
Marketing Experience)."

[2boyzmama]

Originally Posted by KimPM

Also...

http://www.merck.com/product/usa/pi_...ngulair_pi.pdf

Singulair...what form is he taking it in? Is he allergic or even just sensitive to any of the "inactive ingredients"? Note that the cherry flavored chewable tablets have ASPARTAME in them. That has been known to cause irritability.

...and on page 11 of the prescribing information:

"Neuropsychiatric events have been reported in adult, adolescent, and pediatric patients taking
SINGULAIR. Post-marketing reports with SINGULAIR use include agitation, aggressive behavior or
hostility, anxiousness, depression, dream abnormalities, hallucinations, insomnia, irritability, restlessness,
somnambulism, suicidal thinking and behavior (including suicide), and tremor. The clinical details of some
post-marketing reports involving SINGULAIR appear consistent with a drug-induced effect.
Patients and prescribers should be alert for neuropsychiatric events. Patients should be instructed to
notify their prescriber if these changes occur. Prescribers should carefully evaluate the risks and benefits
of continuing treatment with SINGULAIR if such events occur (see ADVERSE REACTIONS, Post-
Marketing Experience)."

Yeah I know Singulair can cause behavioral issues, but the crying with waking started before the Singulair. It's perhaps a *bit* worse, but not significantly. The biggest change since starting the Singulair has been him sleeping through the night, but now waking earlier than before. I think that's a GOOD change, really. I'd prefer that he sleep in, but I'm thankful he's sleeping through the night now.

[LynnS6]

How do they do (in general) when they're hungry? Sometimes low blood sugar can really be an issue in the AM. (I know it is for me. At best I'm monosyllabic in the morning before breakfast.)

Could you put a cup of juice on each of their bedside tables for them to drink right when they get up? They can then follow that up with a decent breakfast, but it might help.

[2boyzmama]

Originally Posted by LynnS6

How do they do (in general) when they're hungry? Sometimes low blood sugar can really be an issue in the AM. (I know it is for me. At best I'm monosyllabic in the morning before breakfast.)

Could you put a cup of juice on each of their bedside tables for them to drink right when they get up? They can then follow that up with a decent breakfast, but it might help.

Grumpy. Seriously grumpy. I know that they're hard to deal with when hungry.

Funny how something this simple never occured to me

[mrsfru]

Funny how something this simple never occured to me

When you're exhausted and already beyond tapped out, it's hard to remember the basics! I'm there with you!

mrsfru

[VisionaryMom]

Originally Posted by 2boyzmama

Grumpy. Seriously grumpy. I know that they're hard to deal with when hungry.

Funny how something this simple never occured to me

It's sometimes hard to see a potentially easy solution when you're in the thick of things. DS went through a similar phase. I was groaning to my mom about it, and she said that my sister did it when she was little. Her ped recommended a protein snack at bedtime, and it really did the trick. I tried it for DS, and it worked wonderfully. Also I put a cup of water by everyone's bed at night. I don't know if he's too young for that, but with allergies, waking up with a terrible dry mouth can be irritating.

As for your hubby, would be be willing to wake up a little early? Perhaps 15 minutes by himself in the morning would help him start his day.

[sbgrace]

I don't have time to read all the replies right now so maybe this has been mentioned but what you're describing sounds like possible blood sugar to me. Maybe he's ok by the time he leaves because food has stabilized things...is it possible? Andrew is extremely sensitive to low (or even lowish) blood sugar. We get a bit of juice or a bite of applesauce in him nearly the moment he wakes (and he needs to eat every 2.5 or 3 hours in the day too-he has more meltdowns with dad because dad tends to wait until the boys say they are hungry to eat--by that time it's too late for Andrew blood sugar wise).