Am I Not Flexible Enough with my Midwife?

[nanasmom]

Did/do you feel you have to be super flexible with your midwifes? I know they have births and various other things that come up but how flexible do you need to be? I feel bad at times because my midwife will call me while I am at work and say "I know we have an appointment scheduled for tomorrow but I am at a client in your area today and can stop by in a half hour for an appointment. Tomorrow is harder because I have a postpardum visit for someone." I try to be flexible and don't mean to be pain but it is very hard for me to pick up and leave work suddenly to rush home to meet her, so inevitably we end up rescheduling the next days appointment. Should I be feeling bad about this?

[AustinMom]

I would be SHOCKED if my MW did this. YOU have an appointment that day, she should keep to that. now, if you had a really close relationship, and you were more friends than client/caregiver, that would be different, but even then, I feel this is unprofessional.

No, i don't think you are being unflexible. You scheduled the appointment. I can understand if she is at a birth, or dealing with serious PP issues at the time of your appointment, and she calls then, but no, just because she is in the neighborhood, is no reason to reschedule you, especially if you are at work, or have other plans.

[~Adorkable~]

I think if that hapenes one of twice it might be fine, but it happens much more it shows she has poor time management and posibly a lack of respect for your time and other responsabilites.
She may be trying to have too many clients, I would gayer your thought and talk to her, hopefully you both can get back on the same page

[thefreckledmama]

I don't see that as you being inflexible. I think most people would find it hard to drop everything on 30 minutes notice in order to accommodate a change in appointment time-especially if your appointments are an hour or more (mine are).

I wouldn't feel bad about saying you're unable to change the appointment. It's one thing to be asked to reschedule due to a birth or other emergency-which is par for the course when dealing with prenatal care. I think it's a different situation to be asked to change an appointment on short notice due to poor scheduling on your mw's part.

[mbhf]

No way, that is ridiculous. I had a midwife that did this, it should have been a huge clue to me that she wasn't going to be reliable, but I ignored it until something else major came up. I found a new MW at about 30 weeks but I so wish I had seen this sign earlier! It sounds like your MW has no respect for your time, expecting you to leave work and meet her at your house in 30 minutes so she doesn't have to come out to your scheduled appointment the next day is completely unfair. My other midwives have always scheduled appointments with me (at my convenience within reason) and kept them unless they were at a birth.

[Grace and Granola]

I don't see anything wrong with her checking to see if you're available "today" because she's in the area. BUT, cancelling the next day's appointment because you can't meet today is not acceptable on her part.

[moonshoes]

Originally Posted by Heatherb917

I don't see anything wrong with her checking to see if you're available "today" because she's in the area. BUT, cancelling the next day's appointment because you can't meet today is not acceptable on her part.

I agree. My midwife has had to change one appt. with me to attend a birth - completely understandable! I would be irritated if she couldn't keep her schedule straight and I was supposed to accomodate that.

[Peony]

Originally Posted by Heatherb917

I don't see anything wrong with her checking to see if you're available "today" because she's in the area. BUT, cancelling the next day's appointment because you can't meet today is not acceptable on her part.

Agreed. The only way I could understand canceling is if the pp visit is like several hours in the other direction, but I have had MWs that drove to my house, 1.5 hour in my direction and then turned around and had to go back and then another hour or two past that. In rural areas it can be different. My last MW took clients in 3 states because of are so few MWs in this area, and in the winter with the snowy roads I have had some cancel a prenatal because a pp visit is more important, and I understand that.


But if this isn't the case, then I might be wondering what else is going on.

[xixstar]

I would worry if it's a common problem. But I'd have no problem with my mw calling to see if today just might work - it probably wouldn't but it's worth asking -- and needing to reschedule tomorrow's appointment. My mw sees clients in a large geographic area and I understand that she can be pulled a bit thin at times. But if she was always doing this, I would be less understanding.

I've not had the luxury of a mw that comes to my house for all appts though, I imagine that's harder to schedule on her part and maybe needs a little more flexibility.

[Sk8ermaiden]

I think you should be flexible, but that is kind of ridiculous. My midwife missed three different appointments with me because of births. Two, she sent her apprentice to do my prenatal, and one she called me well ahead of time and rescheduled. She was over an hour late to my home visit, but that was because of a birth/hospital transfer and she let me know that morning.

It seems like she should have a better system set up. Mine does all her prenatals on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. Friday is for new patient interviews, and Monday and Friday (plus weekends) she does her home visits and postpartums.

It just seems like your midwife is not very organized. I mean, I'd be OK doing that for mine, but not as a regular thing.

[MsBlack]

I think it should be ok for her to ask, and it also should be ok for the client to refuse. What I remind my clients when we start (and again as needed) is that when it's their turn to give birth, which also means getting home-postpartum visits, others will be asked to be flexible for her/baby's sake.

Most families feel pretty strongly about having their one chosen mw provide all the care--they don't want to see another provider, most often. Homebirth being what it is, mw travelling some distance to births and visits (tho hopefully she limits her territory), I think client flexibility is a must. Yes, as above the client should have choices in the matter--I would be unlikely to ask someone to leave work, or at least wouldn't complain if she really couldn't leave work--but I think it's best to look at scheduling with a pretty highly flexible attitude. Sure, you could insist that your mw keep her schedule if at all possible, but then again, if she can make it easier on herself (with your help) then she will not have to spend so much time on the road and will therefore be better rested and generally in better health to serve you.

We have become accustomed to the way Dr's offices run things--someone is always there, it would be very unusual to have to reschedule because your OB is at a birth for instance. There is going to be another OB, or a nurse-practitioner, available to do your prenatal. Same goes for birthing with med care--you just show up, someone will help with your birth even if not your own chosen OB or CNM. But then again--that is not homebirth is it

Just saying that this is an example of one of the ways that one's mindset needs to shift when working toward a homebirth with a midwife (particularly with a solo mw, who does guarantee providing your care, and does not have a team of other mws who may stand in at any time). Having a happy, healthy homebirth with the mw of your choosing is The Big Deal....try to let visit scheduling be No Big Deal at All (within limits, of course--a mw who is just too busy and travels too far to manage her schedule pretty well, is a mw to be wary of)

[Youngfrankenstein]

Originally Posted by MsBlack

I think it should be ok for her to ask, and it also should be ok for the client to refuse. What I remind my clients when we start (and again as needed) is that when it's their turn to give birth, which also means getting home-postpartum visits, others will be asked to be flexible for her/baby's sake.

I agree. I don't see anything wrong in the original scenario at all. When a baby is born, the postpartum visit shows up too. It's not like the mw did something irresponsible and is now trying to get you to accomodate.

My midwife would call me when she was off to a birth that meant we'd have to cancel a prenatal visit. And it's assumed she'd do the 24 hour pp visit. I don't see the big deal.

[nanasmom]

I feel a little better that most of you feel I am within my limits to say no. I don't want to be one of "those clients." However, what bothers me is that this is not what most of you have experienced. I really did not know if this is par for the course or not.

Really, if it happened once or twice okay. But I only switched to the midwife at maybe 30-32 weeks and it has happened a few times already. I don't mind rescheduling at all. However, I feel like I am being put in a hard position by saying I am in your area and can come over in a half hour and I am sitting at my desk elbow deep in work. There have been other things as well but being I switched from an OB practice late in the pregnancy, I was not able to find many MWs available. Well, its almost over - due in a week but it was just bothering me a little so wanted to hear some feedback.

[ErinBird]

Once or twice, its fine. My MW works in an office so I go to her, but had a few appointments rescheduled due to other people in labor. I would be willing to accommodate some scheduling changes, but not at the expense of dropping everything at some other commitment (i.e. work) and rushing home. Surely the MW could at least give you several hours of notice?

[jeninejessica]

I guess the wording is getting me. If she were to call casually and be like "hey I was just wondering if you were home, I'm in the area and thought we could do the visit today, but if not that's ok." -- then I think that's one thing. However... if she's calling and saying she wants to switch the visit for today, and then trying to guilt you by saying "It'll be a lot harder for me tomorrow..." then I think that's different.

I understand a midwife needing to change an appointment due to a postnatal... but from what you said it doesn't sound like she *couldn't* do your visit the next day... it sounds like she just didn't want to. And no, 30 minutes would not be enough notice for me.

[feminist~mama]

I don't think it's unreasonable for her to ask... just like I don't think it's unreasonable for you to say no if it's not going to work for you. I wouldn't be able to leave work at all, much less with 30 minutes notice!

[nanasmom]

I guess its the short notice that was getting to me and it was not the first time. Also, she has been late for our appointments which I understand happens but I don't want to be sitting wondering where she is - a phone call would be helpful. I am not talking about being 15 mins late - more like 45 and I am just left wondering if shes coming, forgot etc.

We ended up rescheduling for the following day at her office at a specific time. I got there and she was not there. Called her cell and no answer. I finally reached her and she swore she didn't schedule for that time because she had other appointments but I know she was driving at the time we rescheduled so she probably did not look in her book and I know she did not write me in. She ended up making it to her office to see me - an hour late. While I was sitting in my car waiting for her, I broke down - it was so petty but I felt like I have no connection with her and can't take her seriously/rely on her at birth/too much drama. I know she is super sweet and does care but...alright, enough of vent. I am going to go into labor any day now so no more complaining

[Shannie77]

My midwife works with a group of midwives that have their own office (I am in Ontario were they are regulated). I make an appointment and once I got a call to let me know my midwife was at a birth. My midwife has always kept her appointments with me. I consider myself to be a very flexible, understanding person but that would drive me bonkers. I would be the kind of person to say yes to her last minute requests and then feel resentful of it later.

[Peace+Hope]

Originally Posted by nanasmom

We ended up rescheduling for the following day at her office at a specific time. I got there and she was not there. Called her cell and no answer. I finally reached her and she swore she didn't schedule for that time because she had other appointments but I know she was driving at the time we rescheduled so she probably did not look in her book and I know she did not write me in. She ended up making it to her office to see me - an hour late. While I was sitting in my car waiting for her, I broke down - it was so petty but I felt like I have no connection with her and can't take her seriously/rely on her at birth/too much drama. I know she is super sweet and does care but...alright, enough of vent. I am going to go into labor any day now so no more complaining

uh-oh . did you break down in front of her? i seriously hope so, so that she can see how her scheduling is impacting you, and your relationship with her. it SHOULD be about building trust with her.

since you are so far along, maybe an honest conversation, not in any way accusatory if you can help it, would be good. invite her to care for you the way you need to be cared for.

[leavemealone]

I am not working at the moment, so it's not as big of a deal to reschedule, but if I was working, I don't think I could be as flexible. It would bother me b/c it would seem like she didn't respect my time and work.

I had a MW with my last pregnancy that seemed to always have something come up and need to reschedule. One appt she rescheduled three times. One appt she rescheduled b/c she said she overslept. I think there were three appts that were not moved for one reason or another and it was quite annoying. I totally understand needing to move an appt for a birth or having been at a birth overnight, but not all the appts were moved for births. It got to the point where I really began to wonder if she'd show up for my birth. She did and things were fine then, but we never did have a final post partum b/c of her cancelling.Strangely, I chose the same MW for this pregnancy (after talking to two others) and she's been a lot better. She did miss an appt on Tues, though it was one that her apprentice set up with me so maybe some wires got crossed there, but she has come to my house for all the other appts, which she didn't do last time.