My son has a nickname

[hakeber]

Stinky.

That's right, STINKY!

Thing is I discover that in Costa Rica kids bathe at night AND shower in the MORNING...EVERY DAY!

I was bathing him every other day at night...and apparently this is the sort of things kids talk about on the playground and voila, my kid is "stinky".

Now dh thinks this is good, it means he's making friends and is part of the In-crowd I think this is HORRIBLE! I'm beside myself with guilt and sadness for my gorgeous wee boy who certainly does NOT stink!

We have started showering in the morning now, but I don't want to project my feelings of sadness on him if he's fine with it, ya know? Once you get a nickname like that can you ever live it down? Do we have to change schools?

[sunnmama]

It doesn't bother your son? Let it go. And let the guilt go, too! You are taking good care of your son.

How long have they been calling him stinky? He's 5? Unless it has already been a LONG time, I bet they'll forget about it and move onto something else soon. Don't borrow trouble. Your son is happy and has friends, they gave him a silly nickname. It'll be ok

[hakeber]

Originally Posted by sunnmama

It doesn't bother your son? Let it go. And let the guilt go, too! You are taking good care of your son.

How long have they been calling him stinky? He's 5? Unless it has already been a LONG time, I bet they'll forget about it and move onto something else soon. Don't borrow trouble. Your son is happy and has friends, they gave him a silly nickname. It'll be ok

It's been like a week...he asked if he could "camp" in his sleeping bag on the floor, and ever since then.

How do I know if he's okay with it? I was teased relentlessly in school and I never told my parents because I was totally embarassed, I just turned the angst inward...I really don't want ds to do that, but like you said, I also don't want to make him think he should be upset if it's no big deal, though that ship may have already sailed since when I picked him up and his classmate shouted, "See ya tomorrow STINKY!" I was instinctively horrified and upset...



So you think I should just let it go and not change his routine?

[sunnmama]

Oh, I misunderstood. I thought you were saying that he definitely isn't bothered.

How to tell? I'd probe a little bit. Or, if it is a "sensitive" issue for me (triggering my fears/anxieties), I might enlist someone else to probe--like my husband, the teacher, or school counselor. I'd probably say something like "So, how about that nickname, huh?" trying to be neutral and see how he responds. Does his face brighten or sink? You could offer that you wouldn't like to be called stinky, how does he feel about it?

I probably would only change routine if it worked for our family...and morning showers wouldn't work so well. But if your ds is willing and it makes you feel better, you could offer the "When in Rome!" philosophy without making it about the nickname.

If you are worried about teasing, talk to the teacher. The teacher should have some idea of how your ds is interacting with the other children, and can either reassure you or give you a heads up about any problems.

[ollyoxenfree]

If your ds doesn't want the nickname, I'd tell him he mustn't respond to it. If someone is asking "Stinky, pass the crayons", he should ignore them until they use his proper name. He doesn't have to get angry or upset - that's likely to generate more teasing. Role play with him and coach him through some situations. "Sorry, I didn't realize you were talking to me. My name is Joe".

I would talk to the teacher, and make her aware of the issue. You probably don't want her making a big deal about it - again, it could lead to more teasing. She can let you know what is happening in the class though.

You could always try to be proactive about a different nickname. I recall I had a childhood friend who desperately wanted to be called by a new name ("Sue" instead of "Suzanne"). She asked me and a couple of other friends to use it, and within a short time, everyone accepted it including some of the teachers. If your ds has a couple of school friends, perhaps they could help out with a new, more acceptable nickname - or reinforcing the use of his real name.

[MusicianDad]

Originally Posted by hakeber

though that ship may have already sailed since when I picked him up and his classmate shouted, "See ya tomorrow STINKY!" I was instinctively horrified and upset...

Just curious, what was the tone? Are these the kids he plays with at school? Because nicknames are a funny thing. Something like that can be hurtful if it comes from someone you don't know very well or don't like. But from a friend it can be more of an inside joke. It can be especially true with boys. I mean, lets face it guys aren't always the best at coming up with nicknames for each other. I mean, my brothers nickname among his guy friends is "Jackass". Yeah at first glance it doesn't sound all that friendly, but he earned apperently (refuses to tell me how) and likes it for now. Heck I even know a gay couple who's pet names for each other are ba**** and bi***.

I guess I'm just trying to say, don't jump to conlcusions. Males have a different idea of "affectionate naming" then females.

[hakeber]

I think you're right Musician dad. It definitely had a sort of friendly fun tone to it. It was a girl in his class, and she was smiling, not sneering.

I can't understand how stinky is a good thing, but maybe you and dh are right, maybe I'm just being too uptight.

Thanks for the check.

I have got to be less neurotic.

[nextcommercial]

I still remember most of the kids with niknames in school. Even though some were bad (nose picking John) Some sounded bad, but were actually cool. Some were probably offensive to the parents. We had "Lumpy", "Speedy" (because he was Mexican) "Picker" (also because he was Mexican) "Conman" (because he could talk the teachers into anything)

All of those offensive sounding names were cool. Only the popular kids got those. As a parent, I would be shocked that kids would talk like this to each other. But, looking at it through the kid's eyes, they seemed to like being worthy of a nikname.

[ShyDaisi]

Maybe ask if he wants to take a bath/shower more often? If he really wants to, maybe it bothers him. If he seems indifferent, then maybe it is all in "jest".

[Ruthla]

You're also forgetting that school-aged boys have a thing for grossness. DS loves anything to do with farts, underwear, and bathroom humor. "Stinky" is a natural outgrowth of that.

[Cascadian]

FWIW it's a standard thing in many hot countries to bathe twice a day. I did it for years and for the life of me couldn't understand why North Americans didn't...it seemed dirty (to me as a child), and to be honest - maybe it was just my imagination - kids here had a definite smell that the kids in my hot climate didn't have. Not implying that kids in NA are 'stinky', of course not, but if your nose are attuned one way, anything else stands out.

[dex_millie]

Originally Posted by Cascadian

FWIW it's a standard thing in many hot countries to bathe twice a day. I did it for years and for the life of me couldn't understand why North Americans didn't...it seemed dirty (to me as a child), and to be honest - maybe it was just my imagination - kids here had a definite smell that the kids in my hot climate didn't have. Not implying that kids in NA are 'stinky', of course not, but if your nose are attuned one way, anything else stands out.

: I am from the caribbean too and bathing twice a day is the norm. The weather is hotter and the kids play outside everyday all year round. I don't follow it as much since I am in the states, well I do in the summer but not as much during the winter with DS.


Hopefully he isn't bothered but if that names keeps up then it might follow him until he is older and then it might bother him.