daycare issue WWYD

[mama2rey]

2 months ago my son started daycare after having been with a babysitter since he was 4 months old. I researched them and found a good, affordable NAYCE accredited daycare.

I have been happy with it. There have been a couple of issues mainly with one particular teacher who I think plays favorites-and I think has issues with me-she doesn't have alot of interaction with my son, so I don't really pay attention.

The daycare does quarterly progress reports. In the report it showed that my son was not doing a lot of the things that he does at home. At 26 months-he does a lot of pretending and pretends everything is a phone. He also uses all sorts of things to pretend he is cooking. At school he apparently does not do this. (use one object and pretends it is another).

What really concerns me is that the teacher told me that my son doesn't seem to follow routines very well. At lunchtime he has to be told individually to sit down, and a teacher generally sits him down to eat. He apparently is shy and observes alot. At home ,when we tell him it is time to eat he gets a place mat for himself and gets his own spoon. I am wondering if I should pull him out as I wonder now if he isn't liking it. He does get excited when we get there-today I had to remind him that he holds my hand because he was running to the daycare's door. However, he cries momentarily as I leave. The teachers at drop off tell me or hat he immediately cheers up the minute he is redirected. Today I witnessed him stop crying as soon as he saw that I left.

Should I be concerned? I am planning on having a conference with the teacher because I want to talk about what they are seeing and what I am seeing. I am wondering if his teacher (different than the ones at drop off) really pays attention to him. They say that he doesn't sit and pretend to read books-however at home he "reads" Brown Bear Brown Bear all the time. I also saw him one day when I picked him up pretending to read another book. So it really makes me wonder...... NAYCE accreditation not-I am really concerned.

[Ellien C]

2-months is still pretty new to the day care environment. Does he go 5-days a week full-days? I don't think you need to be concerned yet or pull him out or go searching for another day care, but it's probably a good idea to meet with the Director so she understands the capabilities of your son.

[Aubergine68]

I wouldn't worry at all, if he seems generally happy to be there. What you are saying sounds so normal.

Home and daycare are different environments, and ime, toddlers are usually very interested in observing/interacting with other little people at daycare -- if he doesn't have siblings, he may be feeling that it is important to watch and learn in the more active/chaotic environment of daycare, whereas he feels more interested in exploring books and imaginative play at home. The teachers may very well be seeing behavior at school that are different than you are seeing at home. It is just a different environment, and watching others play and interact is a big part of social learning and language learning.

As a caregiver, I enjoy working with young children who are a little cautious, who like to observe for a while before jumping in. I find that when they do join in, they are more careful, less likely to get hurt or to hurt others with over- enthusiastic play, more sensitive to others' needs.

THe almost pro forma brief cry at dropoff that clears up immediately when you leave also sounds pretty normal.

The only thing that might concern me with your story is the expectation that he be following a routine/obeying the teachers/sitting still for a long time. That may not be developmentally appropriate to expect of him, if indeed it is an expectation and not an observation. Do they have really long blocks of play time, ideally an hour or more at a time, so that he has time to "warm up" and feel comfortable joining in, or are there many transitions from one activity to another?

[blizzard_babe]

I wouldn't be too worried. DS (22 mos) apparently does NOTHING at his DCP other than play with trucks. Now, admittedly, he LOVES trucks, but not as exclusively as he loves them over there. He just follows the big kids around and rolls his truck while observing their every move. Kids behave differently in different situations.

Apparently in the past week, though, he has branched out and discovered the rocking horse.

[AndrewsMother]

I learned early that NAYCE means nothing. Well, it means that a center meets set guidelines, but it does not mean that the instructors are loving, nurturing, or care to work with children who require more attention.

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Originally Posted by AndrewsMother

I learned early that NAYCE means nothing. Well, it means that a center meets set guidelines, but it does not mean that the instructors are loving, nurturing, or care to work with children who require more attention.

Yep. It's just a nice label

However, I have kids that have been in my daycare since birth, and don't socialize as well as others. They don't "cut loose" in front of others the way they might at home. There's nothing wrong with feeling a little more timid in a group enviroment. Sometimes, that is just part of our personality. It would be a problem if after two months, he was still hiding under a table and pretending to growl and anybody who comes near.

And, personally.... I think "report cards" for two year olds are silly. They can make assesments (because they are required to) but they don't need to be sending home report cards.

What were the good things they said on his report card?

[RollerCoasterMama]

Sounds really normal to me. 2 months is still pretty new and it takes a while. The routine thing - sitting for lunch with just a verbal direction - sounds a bit high for expectations at that age. He's got a "job" at home so when you say it, he runs to do his job! At school, maybe it's less fun to stop playing and go sit.

FWIW at that age, my son was at a very nice little home daycare with only a few kids. He was a totally different kiddo after all but the provider's baby left for the day. She said he just came alive then. The rest of the day, he tended to play a little off to himself and observe a lot. Not that he was isolated, but he wasn't in the thick of it. And he's a really social child now at his preschool! So it might be age, personality, still learning the ropes. And he rarely took direction to stop playing and come sit down. I think you get a different reaction at home because it sounds like you really engage him in the process.

None of this sound worrisome to me. Although, if you have any level of being uncomfortable about the reports, meeting with his teacher is a really good idea! I did that when DS changed to a preschool and I wasn't super happy with some of the things he was saying after school. Speaking with the main teacher/owner made me feel much more comfortable that we were all on the same page (enough anyway that I didn't doubt my decision)!!

[GISDiva]

I just wanted to pop in and say "probably normal" as well, my son is a different kid at day care than he is at home. I can also add a story: we got the same message about talking a few months back. He said all kinds of words at home and didn't speak much at all at day care. Then when I showed up for our "conference" with a teacher I usually rarely saw since she was gone by the time I picked him up, he came to me asking for his milk, brought me some toy or another and named it and the teacher was shocked. I told this to DH and he said "Oh yeah, that teacher is a total flake." Sure enough, he moved up to the next room and the teachers there were much more observant about went on in his daily life.

So long story short, it may be different personality coming through, a less observant teacher, or a combination of the two.

[mama2rey]

Thank you for all the responses. I agree-report cards at this age is a little ridiculous. I do like seeing how they observe my son though.

I am going to schedule a conference with the teacher. I did see the talking thing on Friday. When I picked him up my son had just hurt himself and had cut his lip. The teacher was trying to get him to open his mouth and he wouldn't. So I did what we do when we brush our teeth-I asked him what the sheeps says. He said BAA-and I was able to look. I think that they may be using different words than we do, and since he is a late talker due to being bilingual, he just might be confused. However, I am going to meet with the teacher to discuss what he does at home and at school.