I'm not really into a "grief and loss" place quite yet, still in just a "processing... processing..." state... but I felt the need to unload a bit and this seemed a safe place to do it.
A couple weeks ago, we heard through my mom that dad was diagnosed with colon polyps and was having further tests. His dr was recommending bowel resection surgery, even if they weren't cancerous apparently they will turn cancerous eventually if left. We were all confident that it was just benign polyps... apparently his brother had the same thing a few years back, the same surgery, and is doing fine.
(mom and dad are divorced but he doesn't deal well with communication... he told her first and she offered to tell the rest of us, which he gratefully accepted)
So yesterday he went in to the hospital for the surgery, and we waited for news from his girlfriend. The news came -- the surgery went well, he was resting comfortably (well-drugged), all is good in that department. But we also now have the biopsy results... and it is cancer.
So now they're doing MORE tests, to see if it had spread anywhere, if it's in the lymph nodes... if he'll need chemo...
My dad is scared. He hates hospitals to start with. Then just a couple months ago, my uncle died (my mom's sister's husband). He and my dad had been very close... I don't know how much they stayed in touch after my parents divorced, but it hit dad pretty hard. He actually came to the funeral, a place filled with his ex-wife's family... they were very moved that he came (he is NOT a social person, so it's always an event when he shows up to something even where he's expected...)
My uncle had been fine, some slight health problems, which when looked into turned out to be pancreatic cancer. He went downhill VERY fast after that and had died within 2 months of the diagnosis.
Because of that, the moment my dad learned that there was even the possibility he might have cancer -- all he could think about was my uncle. He set about getting 'his affairs in order', promising my mom she would be "taken care of", givng his girlfriend power of attorney (with me as the alternate... holy moly)
All of us were like, hm, yeah, it's good to have these things in order anyway, but I think he's over-reacting. We were all SURE it was going to be juuuuust fine. At least I was sure, I guess I shouldn't speak for the rest of the family.
(My brother's wife is also an MDC mama but I won't speak for her)
So anyway... now I'm not so sure. It still might be fine... they could have caught all of it already. Or it might not be, and it might be my uncle all over again.
My dad and I were NEVER close. We had a miserable, horrible, antagonistic relationship most of my life. We've come to a quiet understanding, though... he has mellowed with age, and while I wouldn't go so far as to say "complete forgiveness" at least I've come to view him with a lot more sympathy. And he's a wonderful grandfather to my children.
I don't want to lose him just when we're actually getting along.
Well, that's my venting. Thanks for listening. Hopefully that's as far as I'll get down this "grief and loss" path...
A couple weeks ago, we heard through my mom that dad was diagnosed with colon polyps and was having further tests. His dr was recommending bowel resection surgery, even if they weren't cancerous apparently they will turn cancerous eventually if left. We were all confident that it was just benign polyps... apparently his brother had the same thing a few years back, the same surgery, and is doing fine.
(mom and dad are divorced but he doesn't deal well with communication... he told her first and she offered to tell the rest of us, which he gratefully accepted)
So yesterday he went in to the hospital for the surgery, and we waited for news from his girlfriend. The news came -- the surgery went well, he was resting comfortably (well-drugged), all is good in that department. But we also now have the biopsy results... and it is cancer.
So now they're doing MORE tests, to see if it had spread anywhere, if it's in the lymph nodes... if he'll need chemo...
My dad is scared. He hates hospitals to start with. Then just a couple months ago, my uncle died (my mom's sister's husband). He and my dad had been very close... I don't know how much they stayed in touch after my parents divorced, but it hit dad pretty hard. He actually came to the funeral, a place filled with his ex-wife's family... they were very moved that he came (he is NOT a social person, so it's always an event when he shows up to something even where he's expected...)
My uncle had been fine, some slight health problems, which when looked into turned out to be pancreatic cancer. He went downhill VERY fast after that and had died within 2 months of the diagnosis.
Because of that, the moment my dad learned that there was even the possibility he might have cancer -- all he could think about was my uncle. He set about getting 'his affairs in order', promising my mom she would be "taken care of", givng his girlfriend power of attorney (with me as the alternate... holy moly)
All of us were like, hm, yeah, it's good to have these things in order anyway, but I think he's over-reacting. We were all SURE it was going to be juuuuust fine. At least I was sure, I guess I shouldn't speak for the rest of the family.
(My brother's wife is also an MDC mama but I won't speak for her)
So anyway... now I'm not so sure. It still might be fine... they could have caught all of it already. Or it might not be, and it might be my uncle all over again.
My dad and I were NEVER close. We had a miserable, horrible, antagonistic relationship most of my life. We've come to a quiet understanding, though... he has mellowed with age, and while I wouldn't go so far as to say "complete forgiveness" at least I've come to view him with a lot more sympathy. And he's a wonderful grandfather to my children.
I don't want to lose him just when we're actually getting along.
Well, that's my venting. Thanks for listening. Hopefully that's as far as I'll get down this "grief and loss" path...
I've got a positive update. Dad is feeling good and optimistic (could be partly the morphine talking heh) -- I've talked to him on the phone and will try to get in for a visit.
