Originally Posted by flitters
And the doula idea was very well received by dh. I think that is the leading candidate so far.
(Sigh... I know I shouldn't feel guilty about this with regards to my mom, but I still do. Hmmm, maybe it isn't guilt actually. I think I'm just a bit sad about it.)
I hear you on that. Honestly, I wish I could gag and tie my mom in the corner so that she could be there, but quiet
I totally get the not guilty, but kinda sad thing. I WANT to want her to be there. I want her to be part of it! I want her to feel loved and to see our baby right as it comes out. I want her to be one of the first to hold him/her. I LOVE her.
But I am worried that even if she's just in charge of dd, the times that she/dd do come in, something will drive me nuts. It's just so...so...feral when you're birthing, you know? Like, you can talk about it before hand (my mom and I did last time--we both know we push each other's buttons and my mom is great about letting me do what I need to), but then when you're in labor, I revert to my gut level reaction (MOM YOU'RE DRIVING ME NUTS). And she's stressed out, so she's trying to be super helpful.
Are you sad because you want your mom there for the birth, or because you want her there for the lead in and follow up to the birth? It seems like if you just want her to meet your baby when it's brand new, or something, that you could present her with "I've been having this dilemma. I really want you to be here right after baby is born...but I know from ds' birth that I really needed my space in the house at that time. I know you've said that you'd be really bummed to have to stay somewhere else while you're visiting us, but I know that having ANYONE else in the house right after the birth would be too much for me. But I'm feeling really sad at losing the thought of sharing that time with you." And see if she has thoughts. You could always have doula there to watch ds DURING the birth, and invite her over right after...if she was okay with that.
But if you're feeling sad about her not getting to see the birth, that's a hard one. It sounds like your gut is telling you not to have her there...and it seems like a good idea to listen to your gut on stuff like this...'cause that's where your mind goes when you're in labor, you know? Right past all the rational stuff and right to your gut.
Anyway, I'm rambling. I guess your post hit home. I guess I am still a little nervous about having my mom there watching my dd during the birth...I'm worried that dd will want to come see me and I'll get annoyed with how my mom is handling it. I need to figure out how to deal with that...*sigh* Thanks for bringing it up though! I'm interested to hear how you're dealing with it. Good luck!