Am I creating sleep problems by BF at night?

[Zimbah]

DD, 16 months, usually Bf's once in the night usually around 3/4am (that's if everything's right in her world - if she's ill/teething/otherwise unsettled, she might wake quite a few more times and bf). A friend said to me today that by continuing to feed her, I'm preventing her from learning to self-settle and get enough uninterrupted sleep through the night, to her detriment. And then quoted one of her other friends, whose 13 year old wakes every night for a glass of water (which she gets herself ) essentially saying that that will be DD's "fate" if I continue feeding her at night. Now I'm not planning to fully nightwean her at the moment - I consider her partially night-weaned as I followed the Jay Gordon plan when she was about 10 months, in desperation, and now she often only wakes once. But is there any actual evidence, either way, that toddlers need 11/12 hours uninterrupted sleep, and that being fed in the night will lead to long term sleep issues for her?

I said in this conversation that one reason I'm not planning to nightwean is because now I work part-time, on two days a week I only see her for 30 mins a day so the night feed gives me a bit more DD time. She replied that I was obviously doing it for me then, not for DD - how can I say that although yes I do it for me (is that really so wrong, to want to snuggle and connect with my baby if it doesn't harm her?), I think DD also gets some benefit from extra mummy milk in the night when I've been away all day. I don't really want answers to this last bit as I'm rambling but just wanted to share my thoughts. The emotional connection *for the child* is underestimated I think, particularly by people who haven't bf'd for any length of time and who therefore have a vested interest in persuading people that there's no benefit. But it does give me a niggling worry that maybe I'm stunting DD in some way.

[t2009]

I think the No-Cry Sleep Solution makes a great point about sleep generally, and that is that no one "sleeps through the night" uninterrupted. We ALL wake up, usually not fully but sometimes fully (I often wake up part-way... even when DS doesn't wake me up (!) ... and grab a sip of water or snuggle up to DH who I don't see enough of most days).

So if by "problem" your friend means a habit that all humans share... um... OK! IMHO, by being there for your DD you're teaching her how important it is to connect with someone she loves and to figure out her own nighttime needs.

Also, if she's only waking once she's likely doing plenty of "self-settling" throughout the night already. I'd say, your friend's advice is silly & you're doing great (for yourself & your DD)!

Just my 2 cents.

[hakeber]

If it doesn't bother you and your dd is not cranky or sleepy in the day, I don't see why your friend is being so nosy.

I get up for a wee or a drink most nights too, and my mother fully weaned me when I got my first tooth at about five months, so there you go...if that was her evidence that extended bfing at night = sleep "issues" not exactly a conclusive study, kwim?

Your friend is being silly.

[lifeguard]

Ds has the exact same "bad habit" as your dd. It works for us. Why fix it if it's working?

As for waking up to get a drink of water in the middle of the night - I can't remember the last time I didn't do that. I think some people just don't remember they wake up during the night - but we all do it (like pp said).

[Katie T]

My kids all woke up in the night to nurse. DD2 is 20 months and still wakes numerous times to nurse. So did DS he sleeps threw the night with no drinks of water. I wouldn't worry about it. You are responding to what she needs which is what you should be doing. Babies aren't suppose to sleep threw the night IMO. I say your friend needs to let you parent the way you feel is right and that you are doing a great job!

[coryy]

What a lot of people don't realize is that developmentally a child at that age has an INCREASED need to nurse. Both physically and emotionally the baby needs more nursing....mine would almost taper off completely and then 15 months hit and boom, nursing like newborns again. developmentally they are walking, talking, learning so many things that their brain needs the downtime of nursing to help them organize and integrate all their new skills and knowledge. Breastfeeding helps babies slip into a different brain pattern and accomplish this. Also, their nutritional needs are increasing as they become more active, and it's hard to get enough protien in them to get them to sleep through the night happily. So feel free to use those as rebuttal the next time your friend thinks YOUR child's nursing is HER business!

[One_Girl]

I think kids who are destined for sleep problems will have sleep problems no matter what you do. I have heard of kids who CIO who have sleep problems also, their parents just aren't as likely to go in and cater to them by staying with them and helping them get to sleep. My dd nursed until she was 3 and a half. For the last year she only nursed at nap time on the weekends, at night when she was falling asleep, once in the middle of the night, and when she woke up. When she weaned she started falling asleep on her own with no problem and stopped waking at night.

[beebalmmama]

If it's working for you and your baby, why is your friend nosing in about it?

I nightweaned at 18 months because it was no longer working for me and I did it gently and slowly for ds. He sleeps through the night at 4.5 yrs and I see no detrimental effects from his nursing at night. But like others have said, who doesn't slightly wake up at night to cuddle, reposition, take a sip of water, etc. Pretty normal it seems to me.