Family Bed!!!

[ariahsmum]

Okay, haven't tested this yet, but came here to post and celebrate that today I finally emptied our bedroom and added only mattresses so we can start a family bed again!

DD (8 year old bio) has always co-slept until a few months ago she announced that she was done and was moving to her room. She slept in there for a few months and was sooo confidant and proud, then started having anxiety and we have her back, but minus the beds we needed since we had moved it to her room.

Rukundo has been home for 8 months now and we have tried co-sleeping a very few times unsuccessfully. He always ends up back in his crib which he seems to love and obviously feels very safe in. I have even tried just rocking and sitting with him in his room while he falls asleep, but he flails his body around trying to find a completely horizontal place on my lap to get into his usual position. He reaches for his crib and adores it when I put him in (i can't believe I am saying that, but it is indeed true!)

But now, my instinct tells me that he is ready to begin the transition to our room, with us all. I have no idea how it will work out, or which bed, or with whom he will sleep (we have two queens on the floor right now) but I'm ready to try.

I'll report back tomorrow after our first night, but in the meantime does anyone have any BTDT? How many books are written about transitioning the child INTO the adult bed?

[tiffani]

I don't have any advice for you, but I'm so hoping our little ones will be ok in our family bed! I can't imagine putting them in their own beds, but if that's what works, that will be what works. maybe if the 1 and 3 year olds are in their own beds my 8 and 10 year olds will follow!

[Polliwog]

My soon-to-be adopted daughter was really attached to her crib until her third birthday when she moved to her new bed. She has ever expressed an interest in co-sleeping, even though my now five-year-old has co-slept most of the time she's lived here. Part of the time she was in her crib in my room and part of time it's been in the kid room.

[tiffani]

I also forgot to add, good luck!! hoping that it works out for all of you, but if not, if he just love, love, loves his crib, that's ok too, it's only sleeping time.

[mamarhu]

My foster kids generally sleep on the floor - their rooms, my room or the living room. My son likes to sleep in a little tent, daughter sleeps under her bed. I co-slept with all the bios, and had no clue how to do bedtime in separate rooms. But I'm following their lead on this one.

When I had the grandbabies for a few months, the 2 YO could not sleep anywhere but alone in the crib. And she cried for about 3 minutes before falling asleep. It was all I could do to not take her into my bed; I know how you feel. But I reminded myself that AP is about the child's needs, not the parents.

Much as I miss the family bed, I don't think I would push it if the child is uncomfortable.

[EFmom]

Neither of my kids wanted anything at all to do with cosleeping. They liked their cribs and were comfortable there. I didn't see the point in trying to take that away from them.

[tiffani]

how did it go Jaya?

[ariahsmum]

yikes! Sorry- computer issue, or maybe MDC issue, I couldn't get on here forever!

How did it go? Well... I am sooo happy, it went really well. I have been having this sinking gut feeling every night that I want to sleep with him, that it is time to try to continue our bond and attachment in that way... and for one reason or another it hasn't happened, so I am really satisfied that I have it set up now where I can at least try it with him. He is quite possibly the "busiest" child ever to walk the earth. I do not get any tender time with him at all, and exploring the sweetness of touch and openness with him is important to me. Sleep time is one way of meeting that need for us both.

Last night I put him in his crib as usual. He fell asleep but awoke in a devastating cry which is unusual but has happened before. DH could not help him, and eventually I went up to settle him. He took to me right away, which was lovely as we have been having real problems connecting and with attachment and I thought we had made huge progress in the past few weeks. Him taking to me and settling right away was a great marker of that. Anyway, I tucked him in bed with me, dd on the floor next to us, and he actually fell asleep there peacefully next to me. I nuzzled the back of his warm fluffy head while I got drowsy myself and realized my nose was right up against the spot on his head that must have presented first to the world from between his mothers legs. I imagined this tiny head stretching her open, her body parting way to allow him into this world. I imagined the smell of her, the smell of the birth, her cries. It was really moving to have such connection.

He awoke a few hours later and tossed and turned next to me. He never tried to push away from me, and accepted my touch fully. He has a lovey that he is completely attached to, that he rubs with one hand as he sucks three fingers on his other hand. I have NEVER seen him without this. But last night, he rubbed *me* instead, rubbed my hair and my face. I decided to be very watchful of what he would do and what he was needing. I gave it an hour limit to see what would happen. He remained very connected the whole time, but tossed back and forth as if he had caffeine or something. At nearly an hour, I took him back to his crib and he finished the night there.

I have always wondered how much he really sleeps in his crib. I know there is a strong possibility that he wakes, but self-soothes very quietly. After all, he spent the first 7 months in a crib all alone, unable to move, and never cried. He is trained to just sit and wait quietly. I have often gone in in the early am wondering how he could possibly still be asleep, and found him just sitting there. So, I wonder if he has a typical pattern of waking in the night anyway and it had little to do with co-sleeping.

Anyway, I am going to try again tonight and see what happens. I did notice that today he was totally happy, attached to me wanting up and giving me hugs and kisses which is not a typical behavior for him. He also stopped screaming at dd today (been going on for months now) and actually let her hold him and read to him. I think there is really a snuggly boy in there after all!

Thanks for celebrating with me :-) I'm not attached to it "working" or looking a certain way, just like with the BFing but I sure as heck don't want to have any regrets.

[tiffani]

glad to hear you had some good sleepy connection! I cherish co-sleeping with our kids, even now at 8 and 10. It's such a nice peaceful time to just snuggle in and enjoy them when they're not pi$$ing you off!

thank you also for sharing your connection with us, it's nice to hear how attachment unfolds...