Clarity on marriage

[StillForest]

Dear Jamie,

I've been very seriously questioning whether I should stay with my DH and try to work things out. It is admittedly a very difficult time-- DH has been under-employed and I'm working way too many hours and just very unhappy with the quality of our life here. I fear that I'm staying in my marriage only for the sake of our daughter and that this just isn't especially good for any of us---especially me. Do you have a sense that it's possible for us to work through our difficulties? Thank you for any thoughts or intuitions that you may have on this.

[IntuitiveJamie]

I really think you and your dh can pull through this. The impression I'm getting is that neither of you were truly your self when you got married. Meaning, fully your own person, knowing who you were and what you wanted out of life. Not totally knowing your own beliefs and values. It feels like you were young when you got married, or you were still just immature. Either way, you have figured things out about yourselves along the way and had a baby as well and had to really become adults...jobs, bills etc. at the same time. And those stresses as well as coming into your selves has put a damper on the love part of your relationship. But deep down I sense a true love that each of you has for the other. But on top of it is piled a bunch of crap that's making it hard to feel it.
I want you to dig down deep for it. And he needs to too. Try to remember why you fell in love with him in the first place, and he needs to do the same about you. Try to find that spark that got you going, that can get you through this. I don't sense that you want to quit, but I can also tell that you are tired. And also realize that no matter how he has changed or you have changed or really blossomed rather, you can choose to love those things about each other if you want. Or you can choose to not like them, and have them drive a wedge in the relationship.
One last thing. I do sense that you feel your husband is being lazy. Like he is okay with status quo. He definitely needs to change this attitude for things to work. Good luck!

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