A post of hope--if you think this kid will NEVER separate.....

[peaceful_mama]

DD, age 3. The baby who wouldn't so much as LOOK at a new person that talked to her when she was in my arms from about 6 months on till....oh, sometime in the last few months. (Never forced her to go to or stay with anyone. We were pretty much *one* for her first 18 months other than a few stays with Grandma, even those were less than a couple hours till I got pregnant and the 'boo' started to lose its appeal with milk reduction.)

Today I took her to the Y, she stays in the childspace to play. As we were going in she says "I'm going to go play by myself and you go!" With a *big* smile.

She is asking when she gets to go stay at preschool--next fall can't come soon enough for her!

She *ran* to my aunt last week, who she hadn't seen for a year "Hi! I drew this for you!"

It DOES happen! They DO get secure and separate willingly. Just a post of hope.

[naturechicplus1]

thank you for posting! i really needed to see this today. we are hoping to start trying for baby #2, but sometimes it's hard to imagine DS leaving me alone long enough to make baby #2, let alone be pregnant and have the baby! he's an awesome nearly 2 yr old with such a great spirit and I know he'll make a great big brother. i'm seeing glimpses of his budding independence these days and it makes me hopeful it will contine!

[winter singer]

Oh thanks so much for this - just what I needed after a hard day.

DD (18 mo) also will avoid even making eye contact with people she doesn't know well who try to engage her, and today I made the mistake of trying for the first time to leave her for two hours at a community creche...thought it might work out OK since the people there were people she'd seen many times before, it's a familiar place to her, we'd done a half-hour tryout the week before and it seemed to go fine, and she always seemed relaxed there even if not exactly her usual ebullient self.

Well, after an hour and a half there she cracked. I got a terse phone call and had to rush over there. She stopped crying as soon as she saw me, and stopped trembling maybe five minutes later.

I was asked things like "does she behave like this at home often?" and "does she never get looked after by anyone but you and your husband?". I felt like I'd messed up everyone's afternoon and cut up everyone's peace and (rather worse obviously), I was a terrible mother, managing both to neglect and to spoil my daughter at the same time.

She's capable of maintaining a stony silence which can be quite un-nerving, and yet when she gets properly upset, everyone is sure to know all about it so I can hardly blame the creche workers for being so rattled.

So anyway, it's good to read that this too will probably pass....

Sorry, didn't mean to hijack this thread!

[peaceful_mama]

Yes, this too shall pass. My daughter would never have stayed with anybody at that age either. Even, like you said, people she's seen before. I likely would not have even got out the door.

Now--at a few months past three, she *begs* to stay by herself at places like that.....

It DOES pass.

[hrsmom]

Ah, thank you! Yes, it is encouraging to read things like this!

[prancie]

It does end! I had a high needs clingy baby who now waves at me (without looking at me) as he leaves with his dada to go somewhere. He used to be shy and now everyone is his best friend. Anyone (and i mean anyone) unlucky enough to come to our house is enlisted as his flower picking slave.

We did attachment parenting, cosleeping and I never left his with anyone he wasn't comfortable with. And I hardly left him with anyone ever. It doesn't make dependent children, it makes healthy children who express their unique personalities with confidence.

[SeaBean]

Thank you! We have been trying to get acclimated to the childwatch at the Y for MONTHS now...