Originally Posted by MiaMama
If this is the case, then it seems that showers and especially registries are inherently rude.
Well, yeah, pretty much. Registries especially, but throwing any party whose very purpose is for people to give you stuff? And where people really aren't
(occasional protestations aside) welcome if they don't bring a present? Yeah, rude. "You can come, but you have to give me something" isn't nice, no matter how you slice it.
Originally Posted by jennmiller
Wow! Thanks for all the feedback! My MIL has agreed to host for me and it sounds like we'll probably do a BBQ in the park near my house. It's going to be really casual and I think I'll run the PP's suggestion of having a cash shower by my MIL. I think she'll probably be on board. I know that idea would be out of the question for some, but honestly I think it would work for us. I mean, what is the purpose of a shower if it isn't to get the things that you need? I'm not at all trying to be rude here. Seriously. What other point is there to a shower? What's more, we truly, truly can't afford the things that we NEED. I buy used or accept hand-me-downs whenever possible, but some things need to be new and I just can't afford them and we won't be able to afford them for several years so trying to budget for them down the road is out of the question. I need help. Plus, if we do a cash shower then no one brings gifts. There's no big scene around opening them (which I really dislike) and we get the things that we actually need. Sounds like a winner to me! Now all I have to do is figure out what the heck we're going to do at a shower where I don't spend the entire time opening gifts! Sounds a lot more like a blessingway to me, which is what I wanted anyway.
To be quite honest with you, there's nothing good in expecting other people will give you the things you need. I mean, I get
being poor. I'm poor--even adding in my fiancè's income to the meager amount I get from child support, we're under the federal poverty level for what will be a family of five (let alone a family of six, like we will be once the baby's here). We may have to whittle what we're getting for this baby (new, anyway) way
down...but we're not going to ask anyone else to get it for us. Not to put too fine a point on it, the baby and the stuff for it are our
responsibility. DF's mother and stepfather are better-set financially, and there's a chance they will be willing to pick up the car seat or the breast pump (the two most expensive must-haves), and I won't hesitate to ask if they offer, but if they don't offer it falls back to us, and that's fine. The people who would be asked to a baby shower--not that I expect to have one--surely aren't people who are close enough to me for me to ever feel comfortable demanding they provide for my child (let alone for me
As others have said, the people you are really close to are going to ask what you need. Feel free to tell them. But don't expect, say, your partner's Great Aunt Sally to buy anything more than a nice blanket.