2 ?'s Lawyer/What to tell kids (ds mostly)

[crazyeight]

Is it at all possible that I can get a lawyer but my ex would have to pay for it? He has a lawyer currently even though he is saying that its SOOO hard to keep up with his own bills AND pay child support and he's just unable to keep up etc. However he now has paid a lawyer $2500 on credit (which i don't know where he got the credit cause he has maxed out the credit cards since we've been seperated ) but I am having to do EVERYTHING myself. I am 36 weeks pregnant (not exh baby), i am a student, and i'm overwhelmed at this point. I also need some research done on cases involving kids who are not bio kids but have only know/been taken care of/seen the husband as the father and is listed on the birth certificate. I know there's the law library and I can go down there and do it....I just am not sure when I am supposed to have the time! I have tried my local Legal Aid offices but they "don't do that". They can help me fill out paperwork (which isn't what i need) and they can give me some advice (which I do need) but I really need to have someone who can help me through this and I can't afford it. I don't work, I'm not getting child support until it goes through the CS division which is taking FOREVER but it's not enough for a lawyer! I just think it's really unfair that he can basically walk away from the kids, have a lawyer do all of his work while still complaining that he can't pay the bills but I have full responsibility and have to do all the footwork PLUS all the other stuff in my life alone. So is there any success stories on being able to get a lawyer for me that is paid for by exh?

The other thing...I don't know what to tell ds...my ex does NOT want him (non bio but listed as father on birth certificate). Ex doesn't even want to see dd (bio child) but she doesn't care as much. DS asks/tells me every so often that he wants to see his dad. I know that things remind him of his dad and although they weren't close or anything he still has had my ex around for his entire life...that's his dad, that's someone that shouldn't just dissapear on him realisticly. All I can say to Ds at this point is that I know he wants to see dad but i'm not sure when that will happen. I understand. I know baby, I'm sorry. Really what i'm thinking is "i know you want your daddy honey but he's an arse and he doenst' want you, the fing idiot" Obviously I'd never ever tell that to my children and I know that I don't need to put down exh cause his actions will be clear to ds as he gets older but what do i say now? Do i keep doing what i've been doing? Just tell him that i understand what he wants but i don't know? I haven't really put anything into a big long speil with the kids either. They know that daddy and mommy don't live together, daddy has the old house and that we just aren't together anymore. I didn't explain about how "we don't love each other anymore and you didn't do anything wrong but we still love you" because exh just DOESN"T love them...so what do i say? How do I handle this?

I do have a BF who is living with us and I appreciate him so much. BF provides a good male role model and ds is exactly in that age that he wants to be a little boy with a daddy figure, cars, trucks, trains, rough housing etc. BF tries to help me and provide that as much as he can but ds does have a bit of a stubborn streak... I'm also not trying to get ds to think BF is his father or anything like that but just an authority figure, someone he can trust and still have fun with.

[HappyTomato]

Usually you still have to pay the lawyer a retainer and if the judge rules in your favor in the matter or if your exh settles with you before going to court, you can have your fees reimbursed/paid for by your exh. I'm not sure what to tell my DS at times either about why his dad doesn't see him. His dad only sees him when its convenient for him. There's no consistency. I just try to give DS alot of love and let him know its not his fault that his dad doesn't see him more. I also plan a distraction (i.e. we'll make it a movie night and pop popcorn or we'll have a dance party or we'll go out to eat) for those times that his dad is scheduled to see him and doesn't show or backs out at the last minute. That seems to help. Regarding the lawyer -- is this a contested divorce? If not and you and your exh agree on matters like custody and child support then do you really need one? If its a contested divorce then this is a time when you'll want to do whatever it takes to retain a lawyer -- ask your family for a loan, have a garage sale, etc. I used this website for info when I first started going through my divorce. But I soon retained a good atty and that was the very best thing I did to protect myself and my child. GL!