Misscarrying a twin

[MommyNicoleTX]

We lost a baby on Wednesday. It's very bittersweet because we found out it was twins and the other one looks on target (8.5 weeks). It's so surreal but there is definitely 1 baby growing on target with a good strong heartbeat in me, yet at the same time im also still miscarrying the other baby. What a rollercoaster--has anyone been through this before and have some info and advice (physically &/or emotionally)?? Thanks.

[nlhousewifey]

You may want to look into resources like CLIMB (center for loss in multiple birth) they offer good multiple specific advice on grief ect.
It's difficult to process a loss at a time that also brings such joy, but be sure to allow yourself to grieve and don't let anyone dismiss your feelings by saying hurtful things like "at least you still have one baby" or trying to tell you how much easier things will be for you.

[RedOakMomma]

I'm sorry for your loss.

[sweet_tart_vt]

Oh mama, Im so very sorry about the loss of your LO.

I have been through this not once, but twice now. Im currently 31weeks with #7, which started out as a fraternal twin pregnancy. I lost one of the babies at 12 weeks, and the other has been fine all along. They were discovered when I was 8weeks and had a "dating" u/s since I had been bf my youngest and hadnt gotten a period since he was born,and wasnt sure of my O or conception dates. One of the babies was significantly smaller than the other, and his/her heartbeat was not as strong. I lost him/her painlessly in the shower when I was 12 weeks. I passed a large clot and some tissue. I went to see my MW the next day, had another u/s which confirmed the loss and showed the other baby thriving. I was very unsure how to feel when it happened. I was very upset with the loss of the one, but at the same time glad to have one healthy thriving baby. I had just come to terms with the fact I was carrying 2, and suddenly there was just the one. I found a lot of solace in talking to my little one that was still there and in my husband and friends. I too, did not want to hear "well, at least you still have 1 baby thats fine". That wasnt the point, of course I was/am happy, but I still lost one of my children regardless. I feel I have grieved and accepted my loss at this point, but i know it will return at the birth of my new daughter when she arrives alone, without her sibling. I try to accept that death is as much a part of life as birth. I am thankful that he/she chose me to be his/her mama for the brief time we had together. I know my little angel is keeping a close eye on his/her sibling and we will always keep him/her in our hearts as will our baby girl.

My other twin loss was similar, I was 10wks along and this time I did have painful cramps and bleeding along with passing clots and tissue. The other baby remained strong, and I carried him until 42wks 1 day, he weighed a very healthy 8lbs 14oz and was our first UC. I also greived and felt confused in my feelings for a while in the pregnancy. It is very hard to explain how you are grieving for the loss of one child, while still pregnant and glad for the life of your other. Understanding and non-judgmental friends and family are so needed at this time.

Please be tender with yourself at this time. Of course you are feeling broken and hurt, while the same time there is a part of you that is grateful for your LO that is healthy. You may even feel guilty about being happy you are pregnant, when youve just had a loss. Everything you are feeling is normal. Grief has to occur, take all the time you need to process your feelings and dont expect yourself to be SuperWoman at this time. Find solace in your spouse/partner and friends that you trust. Talk to your LO that remains. Give yourself time; it does help, things will get better slowly.

Blessings to you....

[MommyNicoleTX]

I'm in tears because that's exactly what I needed to hear tonight. Thank u so much. I will respond more when I can. I truly appreciate it.

[Smokering]

I'm sorry.

Both my mother and MIL lost one twin while carrying the other to term; I think it's fairly common and often undiagnosed, the way a lot of early singleton miscarriages can be mistaken or missed. If you haven't told friends and family about the pregnancy, maybe it'd help to keep the whole thing secret for a while, until you feel ready to share what you want to share?

I hope you can get some rest and peace.

[pacifica]

I am sorry for your family's loss. I have twin boys and was very attached to them both during pregnancy. Be gentle with yourself and hugs to you.

[Dena]

I am so so sorry mama.

I lost a twin at 24 weeks. It is such a difficult, emotionally wrenching time. For me, the conflicting emotions were so strong - thrilled that my survivor was still healthy and growing well, yet grieving my daughter that I would never know.

Do be gentle with yourself, and allow yourself to grieve this loss. A lot of people will try to tell you "at least you still have one," as if that somehow makes everything ok. It doesn't. Ignore them.

You may also want to check out elimbo - a yahoo group specifically for women who have lost one or more babies in a multiple situation. Just reading the posts there after we lost our twin was helpful. I didn't feel so alone.

[darkblue0729]

I'm so very sorry that you lost a LO mama. I haven't miscarried a twin, but have miscarried-all in all I hope you find some peace and serenity, you will be in my thoughts!

[MommyNicoleTX]

All your words and stories of successful pregnancies comforted me greatly. I had no idea it was so common, 20-50% of multiple pregnancies end with 1 loss. I'm managing to grieve and yet be at peace at the same time. Prayer is really helping & talking to the baby that's still in there gives me hope. Again many thanks.