SO says pregnancy is a turn off

[chichimamma]

Really? You thought that was a good idea to share with me at 36 weeks? A good time to tell me is either BEFORE getting pg... or NEVER. I feel like sh*t now, thank you very much and my sex drive is high.

Not happy. at. all. just a rant I suppose, as there is really no solution for this.

~Suzanne

[Mama2Bean]

Honestly, that is one of the things you just don't say to your partner. Just don't say it. Sorry you had to hear that.

I suspect that is what's up w/my DH, but he'd never cop to it. That's fine w/me. But I'm frustrated cause hellllllooooo libido! LOL

[tri31]

Men say the stupidist things sometimes. Really, I can't imagine being so insensitive. But they can't always help it. I am sure you are the fertility goddess incarnate, bet he feels like an ass already for saying that.
My husband keeps telling me how depressing it is to see me like this. At 37 weeks I am crippled by back/hip pain and drained of all energy. Hello, I am the one living through the most painful pregnancy I could have imagined. Sorry, I'll go hide in the basement, I don't want bring you down.
There must be something in the air.

[RedOakMomma]

Grrrrrrrrr.

[DeChRi]

Do they just lose their brain sometimes? I mean, I'm sure I was sexier without the zits, when my abs were flat, and when I could (and want to) slap on some sexy skivvies and be coordinated enough to wear heels. But this is not a permanent condition, so the need to offer that input...no way. Can it. It's a turn off for me too. I feel like a beached whale, not a sex goddess. Shocker. But if DH ever pointed that out....well I'd probably make sure I told him the extra 5lbs of baby weight he added that Didn't come off with nursing was a turn off to me. For like the next year. Bah. Sometimes ya gotta wonder bout them. Remember it is his deal, not yours. I'm sure you are just lovely.

[chattyprincess]

I told my dh (when he brought this up the end of my LAST pregnancy) that I found him highly unattractive whenever he spoke so guess who was gonna get prettier faster....of course it wasn't very nice but it was the middle of july (I deliverd july 26)with no heat and I was miserable enough as it was...sorry buddy I want this baby out your gonna have to shut your eyes and help out and do your part...
Seriously do thier brains just reset to insensitive every morning while we are pregnant?

[Pinoikoi]

My dp thinks pregnant women are really hot. He always has. Each to their own I guess.

[neonalee]

Originally Posted by chattyprincess

I told my dh (when he brought this up the end of my LAST pregnancy) that I found him highly unattractive whenever he spoke so guess who was gonna get prettier faster....?

This made me laugh loudly! Good for you mama! Pregnant women ARE the goddess incarnate! (now if only ALL of us felt that way). When I'm not obsessing and feeling miserable about this, that, or the other change in my body I feel unbelievably womanly and proud that I'm bringing life into the world.

[jsh7809]

I had the "so, wait, you're not going to have sex with me until after the baby is born?" with DH last night. Very sad. He didn't exactly say he wouldn't, but I could tell the idea does NOT appeal to him. Something about feeling like our kid is right there with us. Sigh.
It probably doesn't help that I am thinking of it mostly as a labor inducement... maybe I need to get him drunk. If only he drank!

[BunnySlippers]

Ouch, I guess he must have forgotten to turn on his brain that day

FWIW- I have only heard men say good things about how beautiful pregnant women are and I have to agree.

[starkyld]

I'm a little surprised about how indignated everyone is. Yes, it was probably upsetting to hear. But if my husband told me something like that, I'd presume that this means that he values our relationship and feels like he can speak to me honestly. It could be attempt to avoid hurt feelings and misunderstandings...or even an attempt to figure out how to move beyond it.

[chattyprincess]

Originally Posted by jsh7809

I had the "so, wait, you're not going to have sex with me until after the baby is born?" with DH last night. Very sad. He didn't exactly say he wouldn't, but I could tell the idea does NOT appeal to him. Something about feeling like our kid is right there with us. Sigh.
It probably doesn't help that I am thinking of it mostly as a labor inducement... maybe I need to get him drunk. If only he drank!

Its my theory that everyone needs to do thier part and thats his! (lol...j/k kind of sortof cause I think the same thing!!)

Originally Posted by BunnySlippers

Ouch, I guess he must have forgotten to turn on his brain that day

FWIW- I have only heard men say good things about how beautiful pregnant women are and I have to agree.

I have heard of these men too but my dh insists that pregnant women scare him and all of his friends...

[RedOakMomma]

In defense of men, and not at all in defense of the husband in this particular situation, I can see how at 40 weeks with a woman desperate to go into labor, having sex to "get labor going" could be a little on the unappealing side.

I was up against an induction deadline, pregnant with twins (40 weeks-ish),)....asking dh to have sex as many times as possible within a 48-hour period was probably not something that made his top ten list for sex, yk? It was so purposeful, so ridiculous (the size of me), that it almost felt like I was asking him to put a sample in a cup. If it ranks as one of my worst sex experiences, I'm sure it wasn't so great for him.

[chichimamma]

Originally Posted by RedOakMomma

In defense of men, and not at all in defense of the husband in this particular situation, I can see how at 40 weeks with a woman desperate to go into labor, having sex to "get labor going" could be a little on the unappealing side.

I was up against an induction deadline, pregnant with twins (40 weeks-ish),)....asking dh to have sex as many times as possible within a 48-hour period was probably not something that made his top ten list for sex, yk? It was so purposeful, so ridiculous (the size of me), that it almost felt like I was asking him to put a sample in a cup. If it ranks as one of my worst sex experiences, I'm sure it wasn't so great for him.

This was not the circumstance. I was feeling loving and sexy... and he wasn't. I am beyond hurt and angry.

(in response to another post by starkyld)
I fail to see how "your body is a turn off" is good communication with me. If there was ever a time to suck it up and take one for the team, or LIE, this was it. I have no issue with my body, I feel sexy, love being naked... pregnant or not. I consider this his issue and it sucks. DO. NOT. LIKE.

[HaikuMommy]

Actually, I can definiyely see starkyld's point... with my brain, but not with my hormones! And when I'm pregnant, my hormones rule.

It's kind of like getting a gift, and immediately saying, "oh, I actually don't like these" instead of just saying "thank you". Why hurt feelings unnecessarily? Especially since being heavily pregnant is a very temporary circumstance.

[jsh7809]

On a more serious note, I have struggled at times during this pregnancy with feeling like I want to be intimate, as a way to connect (and, um, for other reasons ) with my partner, and he mostly doesn't because of my physical condition. Even when he says it in a kind and gentle way (which is communication - unlike "your body is a turn off", which is more of a foot in the mouth situation!), I have occasionally felt really really hurt and rejected. It can be a really fragile time, hormones depending, and I'm so used to him being the one that wants to more than me (due to our regular sex drive discrepancies), that it is a bit shocking, and a sign that things have really changed.
I can't imagine if he was hurtful and so offhand with his remarks, as the OP's DH was. I would be pissed and defensive too! Hope you guys can work it out.

[Sagesgirl]

There's a huge difference between honesty and cruelty.

Quite honestly, I expect my fiancé to find me sexy at any given point in life, just like I do him. We would have a big problem if he said something like that to me. I can't help but think a man who has an issue with my pregnant body would also have an issue with my postpartum body. A woman's body after she has had children simply isn't the same as it is before. A conversation like the one described in the OP would send up a huge red flag for me.

Thank goodness it isn't something I have had to deal with! Even my ex-husband thought I was pretty damn sexy when I was pregnant.

[Smokering]

It hurts, doesn't it? When I was pregnant everyone said I looked good - I only gained weight in my tummy, I "carried well" and all that jazz, long torso so even showed relatively late... but DH found my pregnant self unattractive or creepy or something. It sucked, frankly, and I'm still kind of annoyed about it.

[GoBecGo]

I'm really sorry I'm in the situation of having a DH who is so keen on my pregnant look that i'm slightly concerned how he'll cope when i'm normal again!

I have to admit, i would be SO hurt if he said anything like this to me (and i actually find MYSELF pretty unappealing in the general sense, though lovely in the pregnant sense, if that makes any sense...lol) and would have to bite my tongue to prevent myself from saying "i know what you mean - this pregnancy is making YOU look pretty darn unappealing to me too. Must be the hormones!" and flouncing off.

It's the time of my life when i want to hear "thank you for what you and your body are doing for me and our family" not "gee your ass is big, i don't like it". Some guys need to put their big-boy knickers on and suck it up!

[smeisnotapirate]

Yeah, that's not communication. That's cruel. My DH knows there would be murders if he said anything like that around me. to OP. I'm sure you're just gorgeous.