are these preschool expectations unreasonable?

[SweetPotato]

So, my dd is 4yo, and we toured about a half dozen preschools before choosing one for next year (2 mornings a week), getting registered, etc. Dd was so excited after the tour that we actually went ahead and put her on a waiting list in case a spot opened up this year. Well, they called us this week and have a spot in a 3-day a week class-- so we went in today and observed/dd participated in the entire class. We were both SO excited (I'll admit that I was already building fantasies about all the things I was going to do with the time to myself)--- and now I am feelng so let down. It's not that anything was bad , but I just really didn't feel like the teachers had any real connection with the kids (and these are kids who they've had since last September) They were nice ladies, but I didn't feel a lot of warm enthusiasm in the way they interacted with the individual children. Rather, it felt kind of like they were busy herding them all from one activity to another (even though there was a lot of "free play")- and it seemed like some of those individual kids might not have had muc personal interaction with the teachers beyond "no running"; "come clean up your snack"; and "did you wash your hands?" Honestly-- am I asking for too much? I understand that there is value in letting the kids play with eachother without interference, and I certainly don't feel like the teachers should be "guiding" every thing that the kids do-- but I guess I just felt like they were "working" there- and I guess I wanted to feel like each individual child was special to them. I wanted to see more meaningful eye contact and sincere listening and interest in what the kids had to say. My dd is one who really wants to bond with the adults that she's with- and if she's going to hand them her heart, then I guess I just want her to be loved in return, not merely "managed" as part of a herd.

Soooo-- I think I'm going to pass on it for this year, but am now a bit less confident in our plans for next year. It's tough, because I feel like so much really depends on the individual teachers that she gets-- and they don't assign classrooms until into the summer. I felt like this school would be a reasonable stepping-stone to help my dd not feel completely overhelmed when she starts kindy (half-day, thank goodness) at one of the large public schools (fall 2011)-- but now I'm just feeling torn about everything. We have a public montessori that starts in kindy (lotto to get in), and the private montessori in town has turned me off for a number of reasons. Just not feeling full of options, and wishing there was some middle ground between small, family operations and the larger institutions. Can someone help me define what I want, and whether it's reasonable (or if I'm a complete loony tune, you can say that, too!)

[Tigerchild]

Honestly...

You have no idea how much connection the teachers have with the children based on a one time observation. You're also assuming that connection ONLY looks one way--the way that you have been fantasizing about. IME, some teachers are very excited, yippy-skippy, vivacious, demonstrative...and some are more low key. Yet we have been blessed with teachers that always loved my kids, and my kids in return loved them, even though there were lots of different personalities involved.

And...doing things with groups of 4 year olds, no matter how much you love them, quite honestly IS a lot of "herding" and crowd control.

And Kindergarten is...a lot of herding and crowd control, and probably with more kids in the classroom than you'll find in preschool. So if your goal is to do toe-dipping before kindy, you probably are not going to find your ideal.

That being said, I personally don't think preschool is necessary (even though my kids all went). Midway through Kindy, I couldn't tell the different in behavior or achievement between kids who had gone to daycare or preschool and those who didn't. (the school my kids went to for Kindy was, to put it bluntly, not diverse though.)

Perhaps you could investigate any co-op preschools in the area (sometimes they are offered through community colleges)? This means that you participate as a parent leader/volunteer for a lot of the time, and so will everyone else, they tend to have much lower kid to adult ratios, ect. I'll tell you right up front though that YOU are going to be doing far more herding than super one on one interaction though--because unless your class is 1:1 or 2:1, it's not safe or possible to devote your attention that exclusively.

[columbusmomma]

Yea to what Tigerchild said!
Could you give it a trial run? Enroll and see how it goes, see how your DD likes the school? See if she enjoys the kids,environment,teachers,etc?

[lisalulu]

At DS's preschool there are 2 teachers for about 20 students. I would say they do a fair amount of crowd control/herding and"helping" when there is a conflict. Its a mixed age class for 3-5yo. During free time, the teachers do make their way around the room and spend time with each group of kids and whatever activity they are doing. They also do listen to the kids when they talk to them-tell them stories about home, etc and I believe there is genuine interest and sincerity about the kids as individuals. But it also gets crazy in there and often there isn't always time to listen to all of them.

[newbymom05]

I recently put my 4.5 y/o in a part-time program as preparation for kindy. I sat through a day with him. I was not impressed! If my DS wanted to quit, I'd let him in a heartbeat. The school presented itself as so fabulously educational, such a great experience, etc etc etc, but IMO it's just daycare.

The only comparison I have is when I worked as a sub in public pre-K. Those ladies were so creative and hard working and totally connected with the kids, but then again, they were decently paid professionals trained in early ed, not nice ladies making commercial preschool wages. I see pre k as a social outlet for my DS and let it go at that.

[laohaire]

I don't know. All I can say is that in my DD's preschool, even though I wasn't totally thrilled with it and also pulled her out (not for any real big reason but DD didn't want to go anymore and I didn't feel the need to make her) - I certainly felt like DD was known and cared for as an individual by the teacher and the assistants.

However, to be fair, it was a small class - I think about 10 or 12 kids (1 teacher and 2 assistants). We live in a small town and it was the smaller, afternoon class.

[One_Girl]

I think you should observe a few more times and then go with your instincts. If you go during transition times then you will see less connecting and more transitioning. If you go during play time or sit through a meal with them you should see teachers connecting with children in warm ways. My dd had two very unconnected teachers when she was in her last year of preschool I would never put her through dealing with this kind of teacher again if I could prevent it. They called themsevles matter of fact, but they were just harsh and uncaring and the lady who observed them in the classroom to see if they were causing dd's sadness (at their request) agreed that they were behaving coldly towards the children. Things got better immediately after that because the supervisor was very on top of things, but I still wish I had known how they were from the beginning so I could have prevented my dd from living through such a horrible classroom.

I think it is very important to not let this be your child's first school experience. My dd was lucky to have had three wonderful years of teachers behind her when she went through that. If you know now that these teachers are cold, then I think you should find another way to get some freedom because it is not worth the turmoil to you or your child.

[SweetPotato]

Thanks so much-- I really appreciate all your thoughts. My dd is gung-ho and really wants to go right now, but I'm still torn. I'm supposed to give them an answer tomorrow, and will probably decide on this spring based on whether they'll let us use the remainder of March as a trial (starts the 15 and would have 2 classes a week for 2 weeks before the school closes for one full week of spring break). I'm hesitant to committ to paying the full $$ for all of April and May in case it just doesn't work out. One part of me thinks that it would be okay-- dd would enjoy playing with the other kids and having a bit more independence. The other part just really isn't comfortable with the teachers and feels like, now that it's warming up finally, we could get a lot of that same energy out by making more park playdates, community ed classes, etc. in the weeks to come. She's just SO excited-- but it's also much longer than any class she's ever taken apart from me, and I feel like she really might need an extra hug now and then-- I don't like the idea of her "sucking it up" and being pushed through the motions by busy teachers. My gut instinct still says no, but it's tough that she's got her heart set on it now. Just can't decide what to do.