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I might as well post here...(sorry not your normal happy fuzzy I'm pregnant thread)

post #1 of 23
3/6/10 at 9:04am
Thread Starter 
Because I'm going to need all the support I can get... so...

I have been planning to leave my husband on and off since last year. If any of you lurk/visit PaP, you know me... have been dealing with some major abuse...

Anyway, the past couple weeks I had more reslove to leave than ever, I finally called a lawyer and have an appt in a couple of weeks...

My period was late... I took two tests this morning, both positive. I was avoiding by tracking CM...

Except H didn't give me warning to get off last month... and I even freaked out at him then, and he said he knows I wanted another baby... and I said yes, but NOT NOW!!!

Especially not now that I finally had plans in place to leave him...


But either way... here I am... I know I won't abort.

I am sorry to be the "downer" of the group right now... it seems most of you were TTC. CONGRATULATIONS to you all!!!

Thanks for listening...
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post #2 of 23
3/6/10 at 9:13am
I couldn't read and not post. I'm so sorry that things are hard for you. My situation isn't the same but wanted to let you know that you aren't the only one who wasn't TTC. I also have mixed feelings.
post #3 of 23
3/6/10 at 10:04am
jsma, I hope you still stick with your plans.
post #4 of 23
3/6/10 at 12:32pm
Ah, it will all even out in the end. Just remind yourself that newborns don't need too much. As CorasMama said, don't let it derail you. You may have to have a longer-than-planned separation, but that doesn't mean you don't have a way out.
post #5 of 23
3/6/10 at 12:49pm
I would agree that if you can, stick to your plans.
post #6 of 23
3/6/10 at 1:43pm
First of all, Even if this wasn't the best timing or the happiest news for you now, we hare happy to have you here with us.

Stay strong, mama.
post #7 of 23
3/6/10 at 1:53pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by birthdancedoula View Post
First of all, Even if this wasn't the best timing or the happiest news for you now, we hare happy to have you here with us.

Stay strong, mama.


We are here for you, for whatever you need.
post #8 of 23
3/6/10 at 1:56pm
Stick to your plans and get out. Just think of how different life will be when you don't have an abusive man hanging over you. It won't be easy and will take some dedication on your part but you can still get out of there. Safely.
post #9 of 23
3/6/10 at 3:04pm
Hugs, momma...
post #10 of 23
3/6/10 at 3:27pm
it sounds like a really hard place you are in. i have some experience with leaving my SO while newly pregnant, and you can do it! surround yourself with caring people, friends, family..look for community support and take any help you are offered.. you want your children to grow up in a safe, loving home..not an abusive one. take care mama, and keep in touch.
post #11 of 23
3/6/10 at 6:18pm
So sorry to hear about your current situation.

In my opinion, if you are in an abusive relationship, you should get out as soon as you possibly can. It's not worth the risk, especially while you're pregnant. Although the baby may not have been planned, it will be a big blessing in the end, with or without your husband. Do what you feel is right..and of course safe. Stay strong!
post #12 of 23
3/6/10 at 6:27pm
DDCC

JSMa - Living in an abusive environment while pregnant is horrible. I did it and it took such a toll on my body. I highly support you in staying on track and leaving on the timeline that you already have set in place. In your case this could be another tactic by him to try to keep you with him.

Much support for you Mama.
post #13 of 23
3/6/10 at 7:15pm
You're not alone. This is not at all the ideal time for me to be having another, and I'm not particularly pleased about it.
post #14 of 23
3/6/10 at 8:56pm


I'm sorry to hear about your situation. Like the others, I hope this is only a speed bump, not a derailment.

My parents divorced when I was 10 months old and my mom said that I was one of the things that helped her get through it since I had no idea what was happening. I hope everything works out for you in the end.
post #15 of 23
3/7/10 at 12:55am
Thread Starter 
Some funny questions that popped into my head today for BTDT Mamas that left while pregnant...

Did you have to allow your seperated SO at the birth? I can see STBX fighting big time for this. I don't know if I want him there... I know it's millions of miles off at this point... but it's a nagging question all the same.

And did they have any say in names? lol I know, incredibly trivial given the situation... but I'm trying to find something fun/happy right now, and coming up with name ideas won... but then I didn't know if he would have a say?

I feel ... I'm not even really sure all I feel right now... I may even still be in somewhat a kind of shock and some sort of autopilot just is taking over for the time being...


Anyway, thanks everyone.
post #16 of 23
3/7/10 at 1:39am
If you leave your husband due to abuse you could always get an RO or OOP or whatever that would prevent him from being more than XXX feet near you. So that would be a way to keep him out of the hospital.

Honestly, I would seek legal advice regarding the naming and how things could go down at the birth. This has to be so hard for you Mama. But you are strong enough to handle this, you have grown so much stronger than you were just a few short months ago.
post #17 of 23
3/7/10 at 1:08pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by JSMa View Post
Did you have to allow your seperated SO at the birth? I can see STBX fighting big time for this. I don't know if I want him there... I know it's millions of miles off at this point... but it's a nagging question all the same.
No, he has no legal right to be at the birth.

If you're concerned about him showing up uninvited at the hospital, you can request that your info be kept private so that he can't find out what room you're in or anything like that.
post #18 of 23
3/7/10 at 6:21pm
Thread Starter 
I'm actually hoping to have a homebirth. I did the hospital thing with my first... I do not want to go back!
post #19 of 23
3/7/10 at 7:40pm
I really suggest you avoid letting him know you're pregnant as long as possible (if he hasn't figured it out), and decline to tell him when you are due.
post #20 of 23
3/7/10 at 10:25pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by JSMa View Post
I'm actually hoping to have a homebirth. I did the hospital thing with my first... I do not want to go back!
Me too. My hospital birth with my second was very good... but that was in an unusually mother-friendly hospital with a staff who knew me personally (I'd volunteered there for a few years), so really only served to set my standards higher and underscore how bad hospital births can be in other places.
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