Older sibling behavior- what's normal?

[biennourri]

It's been 2.5 weeks since the arrival of the new baby and I've had a really hard time with DD1 this week. Normally she is spirited, but I can figure out ways to get her to cooperate. To be fair, she's had a cold with a terrible cough and wasn't feeling too well earlier in the week. She's just really, really negative. I can't convince her to do anything: brush her teeth, eat, change her diaper, etc. I'm really struggling here and don't know what to do. I'm yelling at her, which I don't want to do, and is not very effective anyway. She seems to be really good about the baby, always wanting to know where she is and wanting to stroke her head or hold her hand. I don't know if it's my behavior towards her that is driving this. I'm trying to give her extra attention where I can, but reasonably it isn't going to be whenever she wants it anymore. Deep down, right now I'm just resenting her. It's awful, but she was such a challenge from the beginning and I just want her to give me a break. The baby is super easy- nothing like her older sister. Anybody else going through this or have advice?

[meesh933]

No advice, but I'm in the same boat here. DD is just a couple of weeks older than yours, and she, too, was a very high-needs baby and is now a spirited child. Thank goodness DS is so easy (for lack of a better word)! We had a rough day yesterday, and I was as miserable as she was. She's happy to be with the baby, it's me that's her problem.

The only thing I've found that helps is getting out of the house or outdoors. Even that, though, isn't always enough. Yesterday we spent an hour at the park, but when we got home it all hit the fan anyway. It did help some, though.

[aramat]

Don't worry; it's a big transition for the little ones and just takes some time. My toddler is really laid-back, and I thought we were doing pretty well, but it still took a bit over a month for us to get into a new routine.

I'm a REALLY quiet person, but I became a yeller after my second child was born.
It's just hard sometimes!

[folkgirl]

My DD1 is almost a year older, but basically I'm in the same boat. She was very easygoing and compliant before. I hate the word "compliant" but it's just the best word I can think of to describe her. Very willing to please, go along with what I want her to do, etc. She has definitely been testing boundaries a lot more, telling me "no" and flat out refusing to do the things she needs to do. Like your daughter, she's great with her sister (for the most part), although still a little too rough. My biggest frustration is when I see her heading towards her sister and I know she's going to do something that may wake her up (try to rock her, give her a kiss, etc.) and I say, "No, no, stop, don't, NO!" and she does it anyway.

[NicoleS]

Honestly, I think it is the age! DD2 is only a few months older than your DD, and we had that behavior before baby even got here...to me the 3s were even more "terrible" than the twos...

[stacylsc]

I don't know about the age being the culprit! Our oldest, nearly 7, is doing great, as is our new 2 yr old...it's our nearly 5 year old...she has been our highest-need child and was AWESOME when Dad was home on paternity leave, but since then has started to act out...I've tried appealing to her "big sister" side and that seems to help. We've also had the "if this family is going to work, everyone has to their part" talk...she does well for a few hours, then is back to mis-behaving....dumping nuts on the ground, pushing the 2 yr. old down, etc. Some kids need more time to get in the groove...we'll hope she comes around sooner rather than later! Here's hoping the same for your little ones.