How to be a Domestic Mama~Goddess.

[Beauchamp]

...with a high-needs, super-intense, curious, mobile, AP'd baby? Tell me your tricks so that everyone who poo-poos my AP stuff can stuff it when they see what I good job I'm doing keeping it all together.

I thought by nine months old I'd have the hang of it. I am incompetent, or clueless. Our lives are just nuts all. the. time. I can't seem to get the basics down...balancing home maintenance/cleaning, DD's "meals" of solid food, meals for me and DH, random napping, personal time to myself (whaWHAT??), laundry...the list goes on and on. Basically, I am never caught up, cleaned up, fully dressed, rested, or confident in my mom-ability. For example, the mamas who can post a "menu" of what their LOs eat during the day absolutely blow me away. How?? I can't even get mine to open her mouth for a teeny spoon.

There MUST be some tricks to organizing LIFE as a mama. Right?!? (Say yes. Please don't tell me I am just going to have to wait a few years until DD is older and settles a bit, like my mom advises.)



p.s. I don't mean I'm "incompetent" in terms of basic health...DD is well-nursed, regularly bathed, played with, cuddled, happy, smiling, thriving, healthy LO. It's just everything else has fallen away in order to make these things happen.

[littlegreenlady]

I don't have any tips. I am going through the same thing (although I have yet to reach the food stage with DS).

My take on it so far has been to give it a year. So I've let go of any expectations, my house is a mess the dishes are always dirty etc. However (except for the days here and there when I feel like a total looser) I've noticed I feel fantastic when I am able to do anything instead of terrible when I can't.
I've even had a few days that I did so much I felt like super mama.

I figure it's like a weird kind of vacation when all that matters is taking care of DS.

All those people that are Poo-Pooing your path should live and let live. Instead of offering an opinion they should offer a helping hand.

You are doing so much more than a lot of other people!

Oh I do have a suggestion that may help cut meal time. My doula suggested this and we just started doing this.
Make a big pot of grains in the morning (I make a different grain to keep it from becoming boring). Use it to make each meal.
for breakfast I put fruit nuts and coco nut milk in it. Eat it with a salad for lunch etc.

[Julia24]

Please. I have THREE now and I've been at this for nearly 8 years and my house is still a wreck. I think I've accepted that someday I'm going to have to be able to afford a cleaning lady or my house will NEVER be clean. period.

And btw, I also think part of the problem is that we LIVE in our house, 24/7! I mean, the people whose whole family leave at 7am and don't return until after 5 with kids in bed by 8 have a LOT less time to make a mess, right? I run a home daycare and it's a constant fight.

There are two kinds of days for me: "battle back" days and "mail it in" days. I'll fight the good fight on some days, and manage to make headway, but within 24 hours it's a disaster again - including myself. I just accept it. And I think it being winter and not being able to be outside much makes it feel worse.

I'm so glad I'm about to be able to go outside and ignore the mess inside for awhile!

And I always try to remember that NOBODY ever wishes on their death bed that they had kept their house cleaner, yk? Spending time enjoying our children is what really matters!

[Julia24]

and for what it's worth- my third baby is just as happy and laid back as can be and I STILL can't get anything done, so just keeping up with your high needs baby is aLOT. (my first was like that too)

[blumooned]

I am by no means a domestic goddess & only have 1 baby (I won't even try to compare to a Mama with more than 1 kid ) but I have a couple tips.

I love my stick vacuum - get a cordless one & keep it handy. This will at least keep your floors semi-presentable! I run it after messy meals & do the kitchen each night and then vacuum all the rooms (carpet, hardwood, & tile) once a week.

Use cleaning wipes to dust/in the bathroom. Yeah, they're not super environmentally-friendly, but they're quick, easy, & convenient. I use the Method or Clorox Green ones, so they're OK as far as chemicals go.

I put DS in his carrier while I clean. He's getting heavy, so this may not last too much longer. But, I know where he is, can move from room to room, & he's entertained by it.

Involve the baby. I don't try to get it all done while he sleeps - that's when I relax too! Instead, I just do the chore with him. He loves to "help" pull clothes out of the laundry basket. He plays on the floor & in drawers while I wash dishes.

For food - keep it simple! For dinner, DS gets what we're having (if it's appropriate) cut up on his tray. He feeds himself. For lunch, we usually have cut up fruit, yogurt, bread w/nut butter, leftovers, etc. - easy stuff. For breakfast, even easier - dry cereal for DS & halved blueberries.

I hope some of this helps you!! I often feel behind on things & still haven't figured out "me time" - but we do what we can, right!?!

[Peony]

I think after 7 years of doing this that I finally have a handle on it. I make very frequent sweeps of the house, like literally every hour or less. I make my way from the room I am in through the house cleaning up the mess my 3 children have created since my last sweep. I switch out clothes in the washer/dryer, clean out kitty box, unload dishwasher, put away laundry, etc... The baby, 10 months, is either on my hip, on my back, or crawling around and making more messes as I do this. My house never gets bad so I never had to start over and because it is clean and all picked up regularly, I am more likely to keep it that way. I vacuum every other day and mop twice a week, the baby LOVES the vacuum so my biggest issue is usually the 3y trying to steal it from me and vacuum herself, same goes for the mop.


I am constantly doing something, but I am a neat freak and living in a cluttered house is not something I can do. We also live a very busy life, I am in and out of the house constantly taking one child here, dropping one off another palace. I work part time from home and I am studying for an exam this summer so I don't have tons of time to spend on house stuff, I do my best to always keep it under control. Even one day of not doing my system throws it off and I get behind so for me it is just easier to always do it.

[Kuba'sMama]

Yes, I agree with pp. Always keeping it more or less clean will go a long way to having a manageable house. I go in half hour "bursts". So if my kids (they used to be babies too, lol) are occupied or sleeping (I did use naps for cleaning, I'm a neat freak too, and a clean house was more important to me than "me time") I did damage control. I also cleaned the room where the baby was at the moment. So if the baby was in the kitchen, sitting in a high chair eating, I would use that time to wash the dishes. I'd put the high chair so that they could see me work and I could talk to them while I did it. It actually made dishes kind of fun!
If they were in the playroom, I'd use the time to put some stuff away there. If the baby was playing in the bath, I'd use that time to wash the bathroom (wipe down the sink, put clutter away, etc).
As far as meals went, I'd steam up some good fruits or veggies (or soup) once a week and puree them and pour them in ice cube trays and freeze. Every night, I'd take an ice cube or two and put in the fridge to thaw overnight. When it was meal time, the baby would have that in a bowl, along with some piece of meat, banana, cheerios, bread, etc. That way I didn't have to think everyday "what's the baby going to eat?"
If your husband is willing to help you with the baby for several hours on the weekend, you probably could stock up your freezer with a week's worth of meals.

HTH

eta; every morning when the baby is awake, nursed and changed (hopefully happy) put them in some baby chair type thing in the bathroom while you shower, do your hair, get dressed, etc. Even if the baby fusses for 15 minutes your day will start off much better when you are dressed and clean.

[MeepyCat]

Originally Posted by Beauchamp

p.s. I don't mean I'm "incompetent" in terms of basic health...DD is well-nursed, regularly bathed, played with, cuddled, happy, smiling, thriving, healthy LO. It's just everything else has fallen away in order to make these things happen.

If that's what you've got, you are a Mama Goddess. I'll make you a special hat if you like, so everyone will know.

There are days when I feel like I can do it all and there are days when the best that can be said is that we all survived. I love to cook, but most of the time these days I am focused on generating maximum leftovers with minimum effort. Roast chicken if I'm feeling fancy. Huge batches of pasta with pesto. Split pea soup. When DS was nine months old, I slacked off by mostly breast feeding so I wouldn't have to worry about prepping baby-appropriate solids. When he got a bit older, he started to really like chicken and pasta and so on, so I feel pretty okay about it.

If I didn't have a cleaning lady, the house would be a disaster. She comes every two weeks and in between, I do the necessary minimum to keep the place from becoming a fire or health hazard and make sure that we have reasonably clean clothes.

I think that what you need, really, is a few friends with babies the same age as yours who feel similarly overwhelmed and are willing to deal with it, by, oh, sitting on the couch and drinking whatever it is you like to drink, and trading stories about who has reached greater heights of laziness.

[lolar2]

Originally Posted by Peony

I think after 7 years of doing this that I finally have a handle on it. I make very frequent sweeps of the house, like literally every hour or less. I make my way from the room I am in through the house cleaning up the mess my 3 children have created since my last sweep. I switch out clothes in the washer/dryer, clean out kitty box, unload dishwasher, put away laundry, etc... The baby, 10 months, is either on my hip, on my back, or crawling around and making more messes as I do this. My house never gets bad so I never had to start over and because it is clean and all picked up regularly, I am more likely to keep it that way. I vacuum every other day and mop twice a week, the baby LOVES the vacuum so my biggest issue is usually the 3y trying to steal it from me and vacuum herself, same goes for the mop.

I tried to do this several times, but each time I ended up in such pain and so sick from all the work and activity. Is there a secret? Or do you just have to not have chronic health problems? If you do have chronic health problems, how do you accomplish all this without exacerbating them? I do know some other moms with similar problems to mine who have kept up the kind of schedule you describe, but they've all ended up exhausting themselves and had a lot more hospitalizations and surgery than I have, and their houses go back to you-know-where when they aren't around to keep it up, so it seems kind of futile.

[htcamommy]

For the past three weeks I have had two children sick at all times. My house (which is never spotless to begin with) is a wreck. Clothes are about a foot deep in the laundry room, I just finally saw the bottom of the sink and Tuesday I let my son eat a pack of hotdog buns for lunch. Why? Because he wanted them and I was to defeated to care anymore. Now I don't tell you this hotdog story to make you feel better so you can say "well at least I haven't done that" but to tell you there are no domestic goddesses. Those women who tell you they are doing it all either have no children/are lying (this would be 98%) or are sacrificing their childrens needs. I've been doing this for a long time now and I've come to accept that
#1 some people are just better at cleaning than me, thats ok I'm better at some things than other moms
#2 babies = momma ADD. Who can keep their attention on folding clothes when diapers need changing, spit up needs to be scrubbed out the couch, etc. etc.
#3 nothing matters more than laying on the couch with a sick child
Don't beat yourself up. I promise you everyone feels like you sometimes. You sound REALLY BURNT OUT to me. Time to take a day off.

[Blueone]

When I became a mom I figured that some things just aren't going to be as nice as they were before. My closets are a mess, but hey at least things are in the closet. Every so often when I get a hyper day I clean the closets, but in the back of my head I wonder how long it will last.

I have a basic one chore a day list that I do, but sometimes those don't always get done. It includes dusting, mopping, vacuuming, and cleaning the bathroom. I make a point to at least make my bed look nice (as in semi made) in the morning. I do laundry almost every day since we cloth diaper. I do a sweep through the house sometimes as well (as in place things in order).

I think things will get easier as my son gets older and the future kids I will have get older as well. I have a friend with 2 kids who just accepts that this is the way it is with kids! I figure enjoying the time with kids is more important than having a super clean house.

[maptome]

Roomba helps, but my house is still gross.

[springbride]

Meal and Chore planning!
My friends that poo-poo my AP ways also when they realize I have a hot meal on the table for DH 5-6 days a week.

Meal Planning: I have theme weeks so that most of the meals share common ingredients, this keeps the grocery shopping and putting away simpler. If I have a busy day coming up I prepare the dinner the night before so I can just stick it in the oven before dinner.

Chores: I have specific chores assigned to certain days. It works great I second the idea above about a cordless vaacum. I have a hoover hand held dustbuster and it does wonders on my floor in less than 2 min!


DISCLAIMER** This is my ideal, it happens most of the time, but I'm not perfect either... last week I threw frozen potstickers & chicken bakes at DH for dinner on 2 seperate nights

[Pookietooth]

I have a seven year old as well as a four month old and I don't know how anyone does it. I am a disorganized person as well as being somewhat ADD, along with resisting any sort of schedule or menu planning thing. I am subbing to this thread though.