pull him out now or wait til next year?

[ktmeyer]

My son is 10. I homeschooled him for preschool, and then got divorced and had to put him in public school. He is now in 4th grade, and bored. He is gifted, but they only have a one day a week program for gifted where we live now. I am now remarried, and had a baby girl 1 month ago. I am staying home now, and would like to homeschool my son next year. However, some things have come up and I'm considering pulling him out at the end of the month instead of waiting.
1. I'm tired off him being bored in school and not being challenged. Because of the standardized testing that is next week he hasn't done anything but test prep for the past month. He barely studies and gets straight As. His conduct grades are starting to go down because he socializes during instruction time. I watch PBS at home and know I'm learning more than he is at school and that seems like such a waste.
2. Now that I'm home all the time I miss spending time with him. He is in school, then plays outside all afternoon with his friends, then in the evening he is available but the baby is fussy then, plus I'm trying to get dinner done, etc and don't have much time for him at all. Plus I'm just worn out by then.
3. Our relationship, and his behavior, has really suffered since the baby was born. He seems to need more attention than I'm giving him. He argues CONSTANTLY and talks back. This is most pronounced after seeing his dad, and when he first gets home from school. When we spend several hours together doing something he is much better. For instance I had to take him to an ICAN meeting with me and he was an angel, he loved being around all the adults and just listening. We cleaned and orgazined his room the other day and he was also really good, just having me in there nursing the baby and hanging out with him while he cleaned. (and we listened to NPR so it was educational too!) I'm thinking if I had him home, and we were learning together, he'd get the attention he needs during the day when I have more energy, and not be such a pain in the butt.
4. We could experiment with homeschooling for the last bit of the school year and if it doesn't go well we can just reenroll him in public school next year.

The problem is that my husband thinks that if we homeschool at all that my son and I will argue all day and make the atmosphere at home even more tense. He says he doesn't want to come home from work and deal with us at each other's throats. I really think things will be better not worse, but don't really know. Maybe I'm being naive?

Also, given all the change going on with a new baby is it really a good idea to pull him out now and add another change? Should I wait until next year? I tend to be impulsive and don't want to be making a big mistake.

Any advice?

[AAK]

Originally Posted by ktmeyer

The problem is that my husband thinks that if we homeschool at all that my son and I will argue all day and make the atmosphere at home even more tense. He says he doesn't want to come home from work and deal with us at each other's throats. I really think things will be better not worse, but don't really know. Maybe I'm being naive?

Any advice?

First off. . . my dd and I used to argue a lot. I worried that hs would make it worse, but it has been the complete opposite. I am not trying to say that this would be the case for you and your son, but it is possible. . .

Does your son want to homeschool? If he does, I would pull him out. I would see if you can keep him enrolled in the gifted program. (My dd goes to the gifted pull out program on Wednesdays. To keep that part of school for her, she is a .2 student)

Also, a lot of people "deschool" for a time after pulling a child out. This might be a good idea for you. Follow your son's interests and let him learn about what excites him. Look at curriculums for next year and let him help decide what to study. Take placement tests so you aren't boring him by constantly reviewing. Also, my gifted dd would rather try to figure it out first by herself and have me teach her only if that didn't work. Your son may or may not be that way, but be prepared. He might not need or want a full time teacher.

Amy

[teastaigh]

You are uniquely qualified to know what's best for your child. I would encourage you to trust in that. You make a pretty compelling case for homeschooling your son now.

Your husband sounds supportive ... it seems to me like a lot of good hubbies trust the mom-instincts that we have and just want to see us happy. You might think about what makes you happy, what makes your son happy, and where those overlap. For example, in our home, reading aloud, having nice music, and baking bread are our happy-center together. When the going gets rough, we hit the quilts and I just read and read to my children, no pencils or tables/desks involved. Tea is also a way of life in our homeschooling -- might sound odd, but I think there are little special rituals for each family. You know your family best.

Have you thought about how to make homeschooling peaceful? Maybe you and your son could talk about his and come up with some plans together -- get him excited. Maybe you'd like to consider a deschooling period and let him go wild on a project or exploration of his own. He sounds like a really neat kid -- what a wonderful blessing to spend your days learning, loving,and living together with your new little baby.

peace,
teastaigh

[Dar]

Well... it doesn't sound like your son is desperately unhappy in school, and with a brand-new baby I imagine you have a lot on your plate right now. It doesn't sound like you would really have a lot of time and energy to devote to him during the day - I mean, PBS is grand, but it sounds like he is a pretty social kid and wouldn't be happy home all day with you and the baby. How could you handle going to social events or classes or field trips or whatever during the day... not to mention working on finding things for him to do academically at home?

You say that you miss him, and spending time with him... I wonder if you're feeling sort of lonely and stuck at home with the new baby, in winter (totally normal) and thinking of homeschooling as a way you could have someone to talk to during the day. Do you have other social outlets, like moms groups or friends to visit?

I would take homeschooling more slowly to maximize the chances of success - check into local groups, make plans, find classes or park days... I mean, I do think that homeschooling might be a great option for you and your son, but I would go into it with a firmer foundation and at a time when you aren't already so busy with your little one.

[ktgrok]

I am busy with the new baby, and yes, It probably would be nice to have someone else to talk to. I am part of a mom's group though, although I haven't gone to any events lately. I have researched the local homeschool groups, there is a great one with activities several times a week very close by. I figure we could go to at least one activity a week right now. Plus he is in cubscouts once a week, and has many friends in the neighborhood to play with afterschool, and once friend on the street that is already homeschooled. Also, if we want, he can attend the gifted program at his current school one day a week, even if we pull him out.

As for academics, I'm thinking I want to go light, as he is almost done with the school year anyway. I'm thinking some math work daily, which he could do on his own after some instruction from me. Some grammar most days, as I don't think he has had enough of that, and then mostly reading. Also, this is the year they do florida studies in school and I would like to continue that by having him read a lot of books on florida history or nature, the Seminoles, watch some documentaries on the Everglades, and go visit the fort at St. Augustine. Nature walks, books, and Nova could be our science for now. And I'd have him work on his handwriting which needs help. Next year we would be more formal, I want to get Sonlight for him.

Not sure if that sounds like enough or not.

[kathymuggle]

Is he happy at school? If he is - that counts, a lot.

If he is unhappy (and not a temporary unhappy, but a long standing unhappy) I would pull him today or very soon.

If he were "meh" about the whole thing, I would wait until summer to decide. You do have a really young baby, and are tired/lacking for time.

i would tweak things as much as possible so you are not worn out in the evenings and can spend some quality time with you son. Nap in the afternoon? Bulk cook on weekends so you do not have to cook much on weekdays?

[1life2live]

When we went from having one child to two it was a transition that included some of the things you mentioned. I missed my older child and she started acting out for attention. Perhaps this transition is impacting your son in the way that I think is typical for when a new family member is added.

Sounds to me like your son is already going through a big enough transition. Keeping the rest of his life in the familiar pattern like continuing to attend school for now may be useful. You could start to homeschool at the end of the school year to give yourself an idea of if it's something you both want to continue to do in Sept. Just my 2 cents