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homesick 13-year-old girl - Page 3

post #41 of 43
Thread Starter 
She did call me to come and get her. That was the whole premise for the original post.
post #42 of 43
Quote:
Originally Posted by witch's mom View Post
She did call me to come and get her. That was the whole premise for the original post.
My bad!

A couple of things don't jive.

<<<the kids are acting like idiots and there's no adult that is really taking charge?" She then described in greater detail the things that were happening at the birthday party last weekend when she got a headache. Some girls were flicking nail polish at each other. Others were using a lot of the f-word. Another one was rifling through the birthday girl's underwear drawer, "totally invading her privacy and ignoring her when she asked her to stop." >>>

Why didn't she tell you this that night? Something is wrong in this story. Either she doesn't talk to you about what is going on, she is making stuff up, or her reactions are out of wack with what is happening. (I'm guessing the first or the last or a combination of the two).

To want to come home from someplace where kids are out of control is normal and good, to be freaked out and not talking about it isn't.

Quote:
She seemed bewildered that I, or anyone, would suggest that her discomfort and wish to escape from uncontrolled, unsupervised chaos was a problem.
Wanting to escape from things by making one's self ill isn't healthy! Getting headaches to get out of uncomfortable situations *works* for her, but at a cost.

The technical term is 'somatic complaints.' If she gets better at you, you won't even know when she is stressed because you'll just see her as sick.

If she had just said she wanted to come home, told you what had happened, and been fine at home, then there wouldn't be a problem. That's not what happened at all.

Quote:
So I have this kid who is attached to the adults in her life
then why didn't she tell you what the other kids were up to? There's something a little off in the communication between the two of you.


From your first post:
Quote:
crying all day long on days she went to school.
From your last post:
Quote:
I asked DD point blank whether she saw her episodes of anxiety as a problem. She said she'd actually been thinking about that since we talked last week and she said some really interesting stuff. First of all, no, she doesn't currently see it as a problem.
I understand that the crying all day was in the past, but your child has a problem that is more complex than "she doesn't like it when kids are out of control."

Quote:
Originally Posted by witch's mom View Post
I've hit a couple hitches with seeking therapy. I spoke with three therapists this week, all of whom separately suggested that now is not the best time, developmentally, for DD to seek therapy. In their opinions, a 13-year-old girl is typically in a developmental space that makes her resistant to what would be required. They explained that the "treatment" for anxiety isn't talking stuff through or really doing much navel-gazing, but rather "tool-teaching," or cognitive behavioral therapy.
I'm not buying what they are saying AT ALL, but a lot of people really don't like to work with kids this age because it isn't easy. I'd keep looking for someone who likes working with adolescents. You might ask the school social worker for some recommendations.
post #43 of 43
Thread Starter 
Thank you all for your replies. I'm going to exit this thread now because I've decided that the Internet is no place to try and explain complex communications and psychological issues without coming away feeling at least somewhat judged or misunderstood. What I'm taking away from this is that one person's psychological problem is another's personality trait, and that the degrees and nuances in between create too vast a gray area to ever describe adequately in an online forum.

I appreciate everybody's feedback and attempts to help me work this out in my head. Some of you have had some really valuable insight for me and you've all given me a lot of think about.
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