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Please share what your husbands/partners do to help parent run the household - Page 2

post #21 of 48
I work 4 days a week and dh works fulltime from home, self employed.

Me:
Get kids ready in the am, however DH often helps with DS as DD and I leave in the am before they do.
Cook meals daily.
Clean house
Do some of the laundry
Get up with the kids on the weekends(he sleeps in 90%) of the time
Do most of the grocery shopping
I do the bathing/bedtime routine. Dh helps if I need it. We take turns reading to DS at bedtime. I put DD to bed and he watches a bedtime movie with DS at the same time. Then once DD is asleep we both tagteam for DS' routine.
I wash all the diapers and change DD 95% of the time, although we are potty learning so this is happening less.
I usually take kids to appt's.




DH:
does most of the dishes and cleans kitchen daily(I do more of the detailed work like floors,windows). He takes trash out
He entertains the kids while I cook after work(although not daily they often entertain themselves)
Helps with homework sometimes(I do most)
Does laundry, we split this
Walks the dog
Pays 95% of bills and does almost all financial stuff.


I think my DH gets out with friends more then I do. I need to remember to try to do more for myself and get out. He is fine with taking over with the kids if I have plans. I need to remember to ask dh to do more, and remember that if I don't ask, then I shouldn't feel like I'm doing 'everything" and he's not helping. I must communicate my needs or he won't know I'm feeling that way!
We both do the lawn/garden
He pays all the bills
Does some of the grocery shopping
post #22 of 48
We both work full time, he also teaches two nights a week and sometimes I also teach at nights so I think we are pretty much even.

What has helped us is that we hired someone to clean our house that takes a big chunk out of our work.

What isnt done by the cleaning crew we split. Dishes I do half he does half. Laundry, I do it mostly but he puts up the clothes.

Kid related - We split the kid duty in the mornings. Mondays I have to be at work before 7 am so I leave and he takes care of all kid duty. THe nights that he doesnt teach he handles the kids so I can shower, etc. The nights that I dont teach I handle the kids.

I cook 95% of the time but that is by choice because it is relaxing for me, when I was post partum, tired, depressed he cooked 100% of the time. Now he cooks occassionally when I am too tired to do it or need a break.

I do all of the finances because I am better at it. We each upkeep our cars. I handle at medical things (doc visits, etc.) with the kids.

We shop together mostly and split the diapers, feeding, etc.
post #23 of 48
I work full time from home, DH works part time from home.

DH does the vast majority of the child care (and I don't even know how he does it.. I get exhausted after just a couple hours of doing it when I take over on occasion).

He does all of the dishes.

He does all of the errands and shopping. (I can't drive).

He sweeps and mops the floors.

He pays the bills.

He does all the guy stuff like doing or getting an oil change, lawn mowing, calling the contractor if the roof leaks, etc. Oh, and taking trash to the dump.

I do the laundry (though DH is not above doing a load if I'm really behind).

I cook from scratch.

I give DD her baths.

My goodness I sound pathetic. I can't really fairly estimate the division of house pickup, but we are both pretty laid back about it and usually the house is a mess. Sometimes we get in good routines and have it pretty well in order. I am 100% responsible for cleaning the bathroom... when I do. Let's just say pickup/cleaning is 50-50 because I can't figure it out better than that.
post #24 of 48
We both work full time, and the kids are both in Full Time Daycare.

What it looked like from about 10/2007-06/2009

Husband-
Go to work, come home.

Me-
EVERYTHING ELSE.

He, of course, would deny that until hes BLUE, but moving on......

NOW, We pretty much split everything, right down to cooking, dishes and laundry. ITS FABULOUS, and I am very proud about where we are at as a couple and team. If he cooks dinner, I do the dishes. If he gets home first, he will start (And usually finish) the laundry, and I will fold it and put it away. Things arent perfect, and we both need to work on how we react to one another under pressure. For me, its mainly that I was soooo used to doing EVERYTHING, even dinner, laundry, baths, and bedtime for the two little ones before he even walked in the door, that I find myself being defnensive with him alot. I am working on that.

He will start working further away in a few weeks, which means I might not have his help in the morning for a while, and its begining to worry me. I can handle nights, since I dont have to rush. But mornings, UGH!

ETA I do most of the shopping. He will come along very occassionally.
post #25 of 48
Quote:
Originally Posted by Barbie64g View Post
We both work full time, and the kids are both in Full Time Daycare.

What it looked like from about 10/2007-06/2009

Husband-
Go to work, come home.

Me-
EVERYTHING ELSE.

He, of course, would deny that until hes BLUE, but moving on......

NOW, We pretty much split everything, right down to cooking, dishes and laundry. ITS FABULOUS, and I am very proud about where we are at as a couple and team. If he cooks dinner, I do the dishes. If he gets home first, he will start (And usually finish) the laundry, and I will fold it and put it away. Things arent perfect, and we both need to work on how we react to one another under pressure. For me, its mainly that I was soooo used to doing EVERYTHING, even dinner, laundry, baths, and bedtime for the two little ones before he even walked in the door, that I find myself being defnensive with him alot. I am working on that.

He will start working further away in a few weeks, which means I might not have his help in the morning for a while, and its begining to worry me. I can handle nights, since I dont have to rush. But mornings, UGH!

ETA I do most of the shopping. He will come along very occassionally.


How did you get him to start helping???!!
post #26 of 48
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ellien C View Post
DH does at least half the laundry. He tends to do regular laundry, while I have to do "special projects" like sheets, towels, delicates etc.
Dh is way better at follow-through than I am; he actually manages to get laundry put away.

DH does grocery shopping every weekend. I make him a list - it's not perfect but we work it out. Eg. I asked for frozen entrees for lunch (not less than 350 calories) and he bought frozen DINNER entrees - like for the family.
We both shop, as needed. Keep a running list. He has specific things he likes and takes care of staying stocked on those.

We split the cooking. This I asked him to do at some point when I was overwhelmed. We each cook 3 nights a week and leftovers or eat out on the third night.

I actually do the lion's share of the cooking.

He does drop-off at school-daycare and I do pickup. He feeds DD breakfast and I make her lunch. All through pre-school he made the food or prepped bottles with BM. I was overwhelmed.

Yes to this. Except that ever since I went on a business trip, he's been making the lunches. We tag team getting the girls dressed and fed breakfast.

Sick days we split - according to who's schedule can take it. I've had "marathon monday's" for the last year and it hasn't been easy for me to take off. He knew this. When our DD had to go home early from pre-school a few times we just worked it out.

Yes to all this

I pretty much arrange ALL playdates, plan birthday parties and have somehow become responsible for arranging summer camps, now. I have left for the weekend and told him that he needed to take DD to some party AND buy a gift before hand.

I do the research on summer camps and afterschool care; we both arrange playdates (not very many). Haven't had many birthday parties to deal with.

We split bedtime - 3 nights a week for each of us but he keeps DD up WAY too late on his nights, so I feel like I have to be the bedtime police. That part stinks. As a result of this, we are often up long before DD. On the rare occasions one of us is sick or needs to sleep later, the other one is usually up and takes care of the kid.

It takes both of us to get the girls to bed. If I'm in the house, I have to be there.
The drawback to some of this is that dh does tend to work at home a lot on the weekends and in the evenings. Ideally, he'd get to work around 7:30 and stay until 5 or so. Instead, he's basically 9-5 and the demands of his job are such that he has a hard time staying caught up (it's a small company; he's president, AND does the finances, handles personnel stuff, IT...). I am also never caught up, but the dynamic in the house is such that I can't just sit and get caught up on reading or something if the girls are awake.

We both clean.

We have a gardener to take care of the yard.

We've split the bills--I pay some and he pays some.

We're both full time.

ETA - we both get up with the kids. On weekends, dd1 tends to sleep in a little and I've been waking up early. So that's nice. I enjoy quiet time with dd2 if she gets up. If dh sleeps in (or if I sleep in) it's usually because we really need it, so the other will honor that.
post #27 of 48
Quote:
Originally Posted by simplemama32 View Post
How did you get him to start helping???!!
Again, he will, and has, denied it. But a very close friend of his is going through a pretty nasty divorce. When his friend moved out of the house, it was like someone turned a switch in my husband. Their hours were getting cut down anyway, so it kinda fell inline. He was finally able to be home more, and he could see how hard it all was for me. Our kids are pretty intense, the little one especially, and when he was home to actually SEE what it was like to do laundry and cook dinner with one, if not two screaming children, trying to wear one in the process, or nurse him at the same time. Yea, it was a juggling act he felt REALLY bad he had let go on for so long.

I think he also realized how strained and dividied we had become as a couple. He told me to open up to him more, so when I allowed myself to do that, I was very pleasently surprised when he actually LISTENED.

ETA I forgot to mention I pay all the bills out of the communal pot. But that is only because, and he will be the first to admit, my husband cant add with a chinese calculator.
post #28 of 48
I work full time, usually 8:30-4:30, occasionally one evening a week and the occasional weekend day. Dh is a high school teacher. He leaves the house at 6:40am and is home usually around 3:45pm.

I get up at 5:30, and get the kids up, fed, and on their respective buses, then I head for work. He usually walks the dog while I'm doing the kid thing, and then he leaves.

He picks up the younger one at the afterschool program, comes home and helps both with homework. I do a lot of freezer cooking, and if I've left instructions for what to start for dinner, he'll do it. He seldom will take initiative in the cooking department though.

I get home and do what needs to be done for getting dinner on the table. We eat together. He is usually the one to take the kids to flute/violin/dance lessons in the evening, while I do dishes and throw in some laundry.

On weekends, I do the shopping, errands and most of the cleaning. On Saturdays, I take one kid to gymnastics, while he takes the other to do volunteer work. He does cleaning cheerfully if asked, but never thinks to do it himself. He does the outdoor stuff.

During the summer and school vacations, he takes the kids to lessons, activities and generally is a most excellent dad.

He probably does a little more childcare and I probably do a little more housework, but it's pretty evenly split. If I'm working full time, that's the way it's going to be or we are hiring somebody to do the cleaning. He's Mr. Frugal, so he'd rather help.

I tend to take more days off for kid sickness, school plays, etc., because it is very difficult for him to get time off during the school year. I get a fair amount of comp time and leave, so that's OK by me.
post #29 of 48
My DH is gone all week for work, so remember that when you read my list (i.e. I do the dishes during the week because DH can't because he is not home)

DH:

-- all cleaning except dishes and small weekday messes, but we leave all cleaning for the weekends, when he is home.
-- cat litter
-- finances
-- laundry
--house rehab and house repair
--big landscaping jobs
--bath time when he is home on the weekends

Me:

--all shopping
-- all cooking
-- all child care (with rare exceptions, including baths on weekends) - even on the weekends
-- all "organizing"
--small landscaping (such as planting flowers and weeding)
-- telling DH to do stuff (ALL the time!)
-- having a stable and secure job

I get annoyed that DH does not spend as much time with DS as I would like, even when he is home on the weekends. He says that he is so busy catching up with house stuff when he comes home, he does not have the time. Because of that, I feel like he really does not know DS, and I need to tell him to do everything. For example, we went to a bday party over the weekend, and it was way past DSs nap time, and on the way home DH suggested that we go out to lunch... um.. DS needs to go to sleep. This is not a rare occurance. He really is just not mindful of things like mealtimes (a few times when I was gone during the day on a weekend, I called a 2 pm and asked what DS had for lunch, and DH had not given him lunch! - because I had not told him to do it!), naptimes, baths, diaper changes, etc...
post #30 of 48
I'm being a bad MDCer and jumping ahead without reading after the OP, but I promise to go back and read the whole thread a bit later. DH is an attorney with a large-ish firm - the kind that gave him a blackberry before he had his business cards. I do communications/events for a non-profit on the 3/4 schedule. Over the years we have come up with a pretty good split on things which looks sort of like this:

Weekday mornings:
We all get up at about the same time. I pack lunches, DH unloads dishwashter and gets breakfast together. We all eat and get dressed and DH takes kids to school and I go to work. He has more flesxibility in his schedule and his office starts around 9 and mine starts at 8. Since kids can't be dropped off until 8, this is perfect.

Weekday afternoons
I get done with work in time to pick up kids. I do the "after school shuffle" to activities and/or homework supervision. On days when the kids have an activity that starts in late afternoon and ends at dinnertime, DH comes home and makes dinner. On other days, I make dinner and he works later. No one really gets "down time" until after the kids are in bed, though both of us tend to linger at the dinnertable for some adult conversation after the kids are done.

Evenings
We are both activity involved in getting the kids through remaining homework, baths and bedtime -- one parent working with one kid, alternating nights. After bedtime, one of us cleans up the kitchen (usually whoever doesn't cook). One of us straightens and organizes for the next day. I generally iron while we both watch TV. I would say this is the only time we aren't both working on household stuff, but I hate his ironing. If he is doing kitchen cleanup then I am almost always doing the ironing.

Weekends
I tend to wake up first, but then I'm a morning person and DH isn't. DS tends to wake up with me and DD tends to sleep in with him -- just how we are. I tend to make breakfast on weekends because I enjoy it and when its ready everyone is eats. Over the course of the weekend I do grocery shopping and he does other errands as necessary, we alternate who takes kids to Saturday activities/birthday parties or whatever. If he needs to work on the weekend, he frequently does it from home and we negatiate how much time the household or kids need from him and how much work time he needs. When I need to work weekends its usually an event and he knows he will need to be at least at home for the kids and may not be able to get any work done.

I do laundry, he puts it away. We split housecleaning and yard stauff (though we don't do much of that and it shows). I grocery shop and he puts things away.

For sick kids, I generally take the day off because I have fewer work deadlines but he can work from home and does when I can't miss work. For school vacations we generally arrange for alternative care (often my parents) or we try to all take a little time off.
post #31 of 48
Right now I am dissertating and doing some PT work for my department for extra money. DD is in daycare 3 days a week, and I am home with her the other 2 weekdays. DH works FT.

The chores generally get split like this.

Cooking--me
Food shopping--me
Dishes--him
Laundry (wash and fold)--him
Laundry (put away)--me
Vacuuming--him
Dusting, wiping counters, sweeping, mopping--me
Bathrooms--50/50 (we both hate it)
Yard care--him
Car care--him
Bill paying--him
DD appointments, clothes shopping, plan-making, schedule tweaking--me
Social/trip planning for the family--me

He also does all the daycare pick-ups. I do drop-offs, which means I do the dressing and feeding of the child in the morning also. He is usually gone by the time we are up.

Only occasionally do we have to change that up for some reason--him doing pick-up was hard won. I really could NOT STAND doing all the drop-offs and pick-ups, and with him picking up, that gives me time to get dinner ready so it's usually on the table when he and DD walk in the door. I think now that he's used to it, he's happy with it too.

Childcare-wise, I feel like I do more: meal prep, feeding her, buying and organizing toys and clothes, making discipline decisions, scheduling doctor appointments and getting her to them. Basically everything big, all the big decisions too (like which vaxes, and when). He usually does whatever I ask, but is only ever really "in charge" of the parenting if I leave the house, or tell them to leave the house so I can do x or y. This has bothered me from time to time, but mostly I accept that I'm CEO of the parenting

Our one really crappy and contentious parenting issue is bedtime. Bedtime is a constant battle for all of us because DD hates going to bed and neither of us wants to put her to bed, so we are completely inconsistent and terrible with bedtime stuff Lots of times she falls asleep on the couch with us watching TV

Weekends I usually sleep a bit later than DH. Sometimes DD gets up with him, other times with me. She's not usually an early riser, so that's not a huge issue here. DH is more a morning person than either DD or I am.
post #32 of 48
I'm in a somewhat similar situation. I work part-time, DH works full-time and is salaried. However, our children are older and don't require as much intensive parenting as your dc does.

DH leaves early for work. He's gone before I get up in the morning, and usually before the kids are up. So I take care of getting everyone up and going in the morning. It's usually not a big deal, since the kiddos are old enough to dress and feed themselves.

I'm generally responsible for most of the household chores on the weekdays. It's a holdover from when I was a SAHM, and I generally don't mind, since I'm home far more than DH. DH's main role in our family is as the primary bread-winner. My main role is to care for the house and children; my job is an added bonus, but not something that we to survive. I do all of the laundry, all of the shopping and meal planning, and the vast majority of the cooking. We have a whole-family clean up time each evening before bed, and everyone including DH helps to clean the house (clean up the kitchen, sweep, vacuum, wash dishes, etc).

On the weekends, we tend to split things a bit more evenly. Neither of us has assigned tasks, it's just if we see something that needs to be done, we do it. If DH notices that the bathroom is nasty, he'll clean it. This weekend we both spent a few hours picking up and working around the house before we had company over. Neither of us asked the other person to help, it's just we noticed that it needed to be done and we both pitched in. Childcare on the weekends tends to be pretty evenly split, if not lopsided more towards DH doing more of the childcare. We both sleep in on the weekends, since our kids are old enough to fend for themselves until we get up

We have a pretty traditional break-down of effort. DH take s care of most of the home maintenance (inside and out), car maintenance, and he's currently finishing the basement of our home.

Our arrangement works out pretty well- we both do what we can, and we generally don't criticize our partner's efforts (or lack of effort). If I'm feeling exhausted after a long day, DH would be happy to step up and make dinner or get take-out if I ask him to. We might ask each other to help with a task, but we don't demand that the other person do anything. If the house is a disaster, DH wouldn't dream of telling me to clean it up- he'd either clean it up himself or decide to live with the mess.
post #33 of 48
DH leaves the house at 6am, and comes back at 7pm. I work from home 30 hours per week, and my job is flexible, but a lot of work that needs to get done.

DH takes the dog out at 5:30 am and then heads off to work.

I feed the dog when I wake up, make DD's breakfast, pack her lunch, and drop her of and pick her up at daycare 4 days a week, she's there 9-4.

I don't do much housekeeping during the day, sometimes I throw in some laundry but for the most part, there is too much work for me to do to take time out.

I do almost all the cleaning and my laundry, and DD's laundry. I do most inside stuff, schedule all appts for DD and myself, take care of my own car, do all the cooking and all the dishes--I actually like doing the cooking and the dishes, so no complaints about that. I do all the shopping.

Before I go to bed, I set up the coffee for the next morning.

DH takes care of everything outside, we have a pretty big yard and an old house, so he handles all the maintenance. Really, I don't expect him to do much of anything other than spend some time with DD and walk the dog once he gets home. 6am-7pm is a long day, and he has a long commute, and I did that same schedule/commute for 10 years and I know how exhausting it is. On the weekends, he does a lot of yard stuff. We've had tons of snow here this year and he does all the shoveling and we have a loooong driveway.

We both pay bills--we have some common and some separate.

We both do sick days for DD, I would say I do most of them, but that's because I work from home and have the flexibility. But if I have to go to a meeting or on a trip he covers things with no questions or complaints.

He does his own laundry. He is actually a great cleaner, when we have parties he'll help give the house a good going over and he can really make it sparkle much better than I can. He is also a great folder of laundry, but mostly he folds his own clothes and the stray dryerfull of towels that are in his way!

When I worked in the city, things weren't much different, except that our meals were less elaborate, and our house was dirtier, and the sick days were more stressful.

I don't mind the breakdown of labor. I feel like I have more day to day stuff, but he gets stuck dealing with things that I definitely don't want to do like shoveling the driveway, dealing with the dirty recycling, cleaning the gutters...he would probably laugh if he read this and give me a list of about 10 things he does every day that I don't realize--really, I can't imagine what they would be, but I'm sure he wouldn't think that all he does 5 days per week is walk the dog in the morning!
post #34 of 48
I work PT Mon/Wed/Fri (18 hours/week) and go to school FT Tues/Thurs during the day and for 2 hours on Thursday nights.

DP works FT at a job that has him actually at work from about 8 or 9 until 5 or 6 and then he works from home sometimes during nights and weekends. It also takes him out of the country sometimes for a few weeks at a time.

I get ds up and ready for school and take ds to school and pick him up every day (it works well with my schedule and my work and school are right around the corner from ds's school).

We usually work together with everything else. Before bed we usually work together to make lunches for whomever needs them the next day.

Dinner is usually done together (unless one of us is really busy then the other will do it).

Shopping is usually done together, unless it's just a quick trip to pick up something we forgot.

Cleaning the house is done together (not necessarily at the same time, but we both do all the cleaning).

Laundry he usually starts and I fold/put away (sometimes I do the starting and he helps put away/fold).

He mows the lawn and I pull weeds/rake/sweep up the grass on the sidewalk/driveway.

He usually does dishes, but I try to keep them going through the day so it's not a huge load at the end of the day. I sometimes do the dishes if he's busy or just needs a break.

DP takes care of ds on Thursday nights while I'm at class and usually once a week I go to the library to study for a couple hours and he takes ds then too. When ds is sick or has a day off school (either scheduled or snow day or whatever) dp usually works from home at least part of the day if he can, to allow me to get to class/work.

On weekends we sleep in together (if we're lucky enough for ds to sleep in late! He tends to stay up until about midnight on fri/sat nights so he sleeps in late ). If ds wakes early I usually get up with him and let dp sleep in (ds is a mama's boy and likes his mama cuddles in the morning). DP sometimes will try to get up with ds in the morning to let me sleep in, but usually ds won't have any of that
post #35 of 48
We both work FT. We leave the house between 7:05 and 7:15 and return at 5:45 - 6 pm. We have a pretty decent chore split, though I've taken on a few more routine chores (laundry, meal planning, cooking, house cleaning) than he does because he's not a routine guy, he will usually help if asked - he does like to chill out after dinner, so I gotta ask him before it's ready. He however takes on the big projects (any renovation, painting, yard work, major deep cleans - like take everythign out of the room, scrub it and put it back). I"m more into maintenance, he's more into one fell swoop. I used to resent this, but when I step back and look, it all evens out.

So, we both get up and do our morning things, I sometimes start laundry or dinner preparation after my shower, he frequently is in his office doing a few things online (he can't really get online at work as I can).

I wake up the big kids at 6, which amounts to opening the door, turning on the lights and telling them time to wake up. They're big enough to handle getting dressed and starting their breakfasts. I usually do most of the morning routine with DD since she's still nursing, though sometimes I will hand her over to DH to dress/do her hair. Many times DH will make breakfast for us.

Getting home - I nurse DD, and usually start dinner afterwards. Sometimes DH will cook if I'm really feeling like I"m dragging, or I just don't wanna, he'll step in. Usually when we get home DH and the big kids will clean up after the dog, walk him, or other chores like take the garbage out. At this stage DD still gets upset if I walk outside for just a bit so they do the in-out chores. DH usually oversees the big kids' homework. The kids are usually supposed to do dishes, but that happens only a few times a week. heh. They're big enough for their own baths, however I will usually help DSD with her hair since it is best done while wet, and once I'm up there DD wants to get in the bath too.

Weekends DH and I are still usually the first ones up, and waking up process is much the same, but we usually let the kids sleep in past 6. Saturday tends to be project morning/fun afternoon. And Sundays are split between us. He takes the big kids and they do their church stuff, I take DD and go to our church, we either come home and do some cooking (I'm getting into TF and some of those things take time), or go hang out with my family.

Overall we're pretty even. I have banned DH from the laundry as he once destroyed our washer, so I've taken on that burden alone, though I will let him help fold or put stuff away, gracious, ain't I? But I don't want to build/paint/remodel anything, so it's a good give and take.
post #36 of 48
My husband and I both work full time. I get up at 5am and take the dog out walking each day - this is also important quiet time for me. DH and DD get up at about 630am. We're out of the house by 715am and home by 615pm most nights and her bedtime is 8pm.

I definitely do more of the housework mainly because I need things to be kept at a certain level of tidiness and he's a major slob (although he does help DD pick up her toys each night and if something is obvious to him (like dishes in the sink), he'll clean it. In addition to bills and cleaning, I do most of the laundry and cooking.

My husband does all of the yard work, snow removal and car stuff. He also does all of the driving if we're going out together (which is almost every day since we commute together) as I really hate driving. He often does the shopping. If its one of those crazy nights for me, he'll cook, but he hates cooking so its something quick like chicken nuggets or tons of veggies and dips. He does most of the dog's daily grooming, night time walks and is responsible for arranging visits to the vets, etc.

I'd say split taking care of DD equally. We take turns getting her up/getting ready for bed, daily parenting and we both go to things like doctor appointments, looking at preschools, etc. We make it a point to spend all of the time from when we get home to bed time interacting with DD and try to fit in the chores after she's asleep. We each take care of our own appointments and parents (as both sets need help in various areas right now).
post #37 of 48
right now, our family balance is HEAVILY in my favor so that i can survive my student teaching semester and responsibilities of being the only teacher in the room. (i have a unique placement).

he works out of the home 2 days a week and from home 2-3 days a week depending on what meetings he has. i work out of the home 5 days a week and usually go in on saturdays too for the entire morning and through her afternoon nap. on sundays, i try to spend time alone with her so that he can get some of his own work done. we try and get in family time on saturdays after her nap.

generally, my husband...
- gets her dressed and fed in the morning
- packs her diaper bag if she's going to the neighbors house to be nannied
- does all parts of the diaper laundry
- does the clothes laundry
- does the dishes
- does the grocery shopping
- walks and feeds the dog and let's out to the bathroom
- takes out the garbage and recycling

generally, i
- plan and cook meals and keep freezer stocked
- get her ready at night 5-6 nights a week
- manage the household obligations - bills, taxes, auto upkeep, etc.
- try to keep the place looking decent - some vacuuming, straightening, organizing, etc.
- anything else not on his list - make dr. appts, make runs to target, ikea, buy clothes, etc.

i really appreciate all my husband does for us on top of his work obligations. i know it's a challenge for him, but i know he manages fine for now. i look forward to sharing responsibility more evenly with him when the school year ends.

oh, and we only have one child: a 15 months old.
post #38 of 48
It's interesting reading how you all share the duties. My main issue is that we both feel like we do a lot, and I know that my DP feels like I do less than him. And that irks me.

I wake up during the night with 10 month old DS, and then in the morning. He usually wakes around 6. I change him, get him dressed, nurse him, feed him, and get him out the door. DP sleeps till 7 or 7:30, gets ready for work and goes. If I have to take a shower and DS is in the booster seat, I have to actually ASK DP to continue to feed him while I shower.

I take DS to daycare, nurse him, then go to work.

We both get home around 6 or 6:15. I empty and wash daycare bottles, scald milk, etc while DP plays with DS. Around 7 I give DS a bath and nurse him to sleep.

DP lays on the couch and plays on the computer while I do all of this.

When I am done with DS, we cook dinner (usually I cook, but DP will help sometimes.) We eat around 8 or 8:30, and then usually I clean the kitchen. Sometimes he helps, but if he is tired from work, he would leave dishes and perishables out and not lift a finger to help put things away.

However, on the weekends, he does all the major cleaning. We both do our own laundry separately (I do DS's laundry) but DP vacuums, washes sinks, does yardwork, and dusts. I don't ever vacuum or dust, but I do wash toilets and bathtubs.

So DP thinks he does more "chores" than me, even though for me, just dealing with preparing and cleaning bottles takes about 30 minutes a day! Plus bathing DS and putting him to sleep. Which, yes, is fun, but I don't get to get anything else done while I do that. It would be so nice if DP would help out with the daily chores so I would not be doing them until 9PM every night.

Plus, I run an Etsy store, so after everything is done for the day I always have major projects to work on. DP thinks his hobbies (watching TV and golfing) are akin to this... but I am trying to get the store going so I can bring in enough $$ to quit my job. I love working on my projects; they are also my hobbies, but I am also trying to make money. He is just relaxing. But he doesn't see why my "hobby" is more important than his.

Sorry, just venting...If I try to bring it up to him, I know that I will sound like I'm nagging and that turns him off. So I try to ignore it and lower my expectations. But I guess what bothers me is when he says that he always does the cleaning and I never clean. He's right: I may never vacuum or dust, but I also don't get to sit my butt on that couch until we eat dinner, which is usually around 8 or 8:30 at night. And then I have to clean up after dinner! Yes, the bottles may be *my* "mess" to clean, but it's for both of us... it's for our son.
post #39 of 48
I haven't read this thread but read your other and it makes me really sad.

My DH is awesome. Even though I work four days a week, he does an amazing amount of things.

1. He takes DD to daycare (I take DS)
2. He works from home Thursdays so he can take DS to his ST and OT those days (I take him on my day off)
3. He doesn't take as much time off for sick kids as I do, but he does take prob 1/3 of the time--it's easier for me, he's generally at meetings all day
4. He also picks DD up from daycare, so is home by 5:30 every day. He often does have more work to do but does it after the kids are in bed
5. He usually makes dinner and does the dishes every night
6. He reads the kids stories at night
7. On weekends he sleeps in Sat, I sleep in Sun
8. He watches the kids so I can go to a yoga once a week, and so I can exercise Sat and Sun, I do the same for him
9. Even though I make half what he does he tells me what an awesome job I have, and encouraged me to go to 4 days a week when the opp came up, even though the timing wasn't great money-wise. This despite the fact, I'm ashamed to say, he does look down on SAHMs.
10. He has never, ever, ever called me a name, and in fact, cringes when I swear.
post #40 of 48
We both work full time. It is clear that DH's career is more important than mine. (It has been that way since long before we were married or had a child.)

Responsibilities that are DH (all non-negotiated, as DH feels that negotiating chores makes him feel like a roommate :eyeroll) -
  • 90% lawn care & snow removal. (I have a bad back.)
  • 85% shared household bills, not including health care bills
  • 50% car care
  • 40% laundry - he starts 60% of the loads and switches some of them to dryer. I bring them upstairs, fold, and put away.
  • 50% child care in the home. He does more: hair-washing and brushing
  • 50% of the bedtimes. One of us cleans up after dinner, and the other one does bath-pjs-book-bed. I let DH choose what he wants to do.
  • 40% of child-care drop-offs and pick-ups. These are supposed to be 50-50, but there are more days when he has to work late, and I have to do one of "his" pick-ups.
  • 40% of the dinner prep.
  • 30% of vacuuming and mopping. For every 3-4 times I vac-mop the downstairs hardwoods, he does it once.
  • 30% of the doctor visits. I schedule ALL of them so he can attend...and he attends about 40%.
  • 20% of the toy maintainance. DH will pick up toys about 2-3 times a month. I rotate toys; purchase almost all new ones. Our playroom doesn't get that messy because DS is in daycare full time.
  • 25% of the night-time parenting.
  • 20% of the grocery shopping. I do all "regular" shopping and list preparation/maintainance. DH picks up things when he feels like it and wants to make a run to the store. He'll get household things on those visits if I'm around to ask him to do so.
  • 10% of the bathrooms. He cleans these only when his relatives are coming to visit, and even then, it's only part of the time.
  • 10% of the morning routines, on days that are not "his" days, like weekends.
  • 10% of the babysitter-finding. (He's doing it as I type ths, because every sitter I tried to contact is busy. We need a sitter about twice a month. He's obtained one...maybe once or twice?)
  • 0% of the clothing purchases & closet maintainance (Making sure things fit and things that don't fit are weeded out is completely my responsibility.)

Yesterday, he thoroughly cleaned the fridge. He will never do a partial job - like take everyday responsibility for wiping down a shelf or tossing old food on a regular basis. It has to be a BIG deal for him to do this sort of thing. I just wipe and toss as a daily event.
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