WEEKLY RAMBLE/CHAT for MAR 7- 14

[ithappened]

Name:

DDC Baby's Age:

Updates/Milestones:

Thoughts:

[evinmom]

Name: Di Linh & Everett

DDC Baby's Age: 3 months and 1 week old

Updates/Milestones: His ab muscles are so strong. He has been able to sit unassisted for a few seconds at a time usually falling forwards onto his hands/knees which he does not like to do. He rolled from back to tummy a few times, but refuses to roll back the other way. He'll then get frustrated because he hates tummy time. Does balding count as a milestone? His eczema started flaring on his head when I ate some Brazil nuts and he scratched himself bald. We've got scratches all over including on mommy. He hasn't been sleeping well, and I'm so tired. Cooking has gotten harder as he is pretty much allergic to ALL the top allergens. I plan to hold off on introducing solids until he's close to a year old, but I have a feeling he'll be like DD and we will only discover the extent of his allergies at that time.

Thoughts: It's a bit early to start worrying about #4, but with all the food allergies DD and Everett have, I'm really debating whether it is such a good idea. I was miserable on my elimination diet with DD who didn't wean until 3.5 years old. I am sure Everett will be similar, and I am dreading another 3 years of this diet. I don't know if I'm strong enough for 9 or more total years of this way of living. I miss food terribly. I'm so hungry and being hungry makes me grumpy.

[ithappened]

I miss food terribly. I'm so hungry and being hungry makes me grumpy.

oh man, that sounds rough. I would be in a terrible terrible mood if I had to give up certain things for that long (cheese, esp!) I dont know how you do it.


As for me..

DDC Baby's Age: 3 months on Sunday!

Updates/Milestones: Hes 15lbs now. Smiling all the time, started to grap for things today and is sleeping for 5-6 hours a night straight


Thoughts: This has been a really really rough week for me. We got back from visiting my family last week and its been sort of shell shock for me since then. We had so much support and help there and then we came home and its just us again. It was really tough. On top of that DS has started to have problems nursing the last few days (he latches then pops off right away and screams so furiously, will only take a bottle sometimes). I am sort of feeling exhausted and defeated by it already... I actually handed him to DH tonight because I convinced myself DS hated me and went into the bathroom to cry.

I think the PPD is hitting me 3 months PP. . I feel on the verge of tears often and can't handle any criticism. Actually I don't know if its PPD or just adjusting to this huge life event. . maybe its a little of both

For me at this moment there is no sense that this newborn phase will ever pass, let alone improve. I never really see myself getting out of being a walking boob or ever having any sort of life that resembled my old one back.

Its a struggle some days just because I feel like my life is no longer mine- at all- and I am not sure if I will ever even get a little bit of my life back, for me. We have no help here and I think that only exacerbates the problem.

There is just the innate belief that whatever more is to come, will not replace what is, but will only be heaped onto everything else... and how I will continue to keep my head above water when I am barely keeping afloat already is not only a mystery but feels dauntingly impossible.

I am really trying but I feel like I just suck at being a mom. I don't know how those of you with more then one do it ..

phew sorry.. that was a lot.

[justmandy]

IH, this is absolutely PPD. You described it perfectly. I'm sorry you can't get the the dr till the end of the month. You will get through. I promise, the newborn phase does pass. Life does get easier and more predictable. You will start to enjoy things. You will have a life outside of child care. I do and I'm a homeschoolig SAHM of 4. It was not something that happened all at once. You will figure out how to make being a mom part of who you are instead of the definition of who you are. Is there a place you can go to meet other moms? A LLL meeting, a mommy and me class, something. I find that very helpful.

When I had ppd after ds1, I didn't realize it for a long time. One thing that helped me was to change my mind about my kids. Whenever I found myself resenting them/being a mom, I would repeat to myself "The are a blessing and a joy, they are a blessing and a joy" In my heart I believed that but it took a while for my feelings and actions to catch up to that.

This will not last forever.

Mandy and Levi, 10.5 weeks

Levi rolled from front to back today!! I've been introducing foods back and have quite a few of the top allergens back...dairy seems to be failing. Although I'm not sure.

Crap, he's fussing, I'll be back in a bit to finish!

[justmandy]

Okay, he's down for nap #3.

As I was saying, we may have an issue with dairy. I had a small ammount on Sat and on Sun he had a little prickly rash all over his body...not completely unusual. I decided to test it with large ammounts and had milk on my cereal, mac and cheese and pizza (without sauce). Don't judge me. I was afraid it was going to be my last day of dairy, I went all out. Today, he's a bit more fussy then usual, having gas and spitting up a lot. Now, none of this is altogether unusual, he had days like this when I wan eating air and water for 3 weeks. Should I keep testing it? Oh the rash is gone and he's been sleeping wonderfully...only got up once last night.

I'm feeling a little overwhelmed. It's my own fault...If I could get off the internet and do some things, I'd be just peachy!

I need to start exersizing. I worked the compost pile yesterday, that counts right?

[evinmom]

Originally Posted by ithappened

Thoughts: This has been a really really rough week for me. We got back from visiting my family last week and its been sort of shell shock for me since then. We had so much support and help there and then we came home and its just us again. It was really tough. On top of that DS has started to have problems nursing the last few days (he latches then pops off right away and screams so furiously, will only take a bottle sometimes). I am sort of feeling exhausted and defeated by it already... I actually handed him to DH tonight because I convinced myself DS hated me and went into the bathroom to cry.

I think the PPD is hitting me 3 months PP. . I feel on the verge of tears often and can't handle any criticism. Actually I don't know if its PPD or just adjusting to this huge life event. . maybe its a little of both

There are many days I feel like I suck at being a mother. Motherhood is a huge life change. It may take a long time to adjust to. Part of that is learning to adjust our expectations of ourselves. I definitely think the PPD is making everything much more overwhelming and being overwhelmed feeds the vicious cycle of depression. Not having support is very difficult. Unfortunately, I think it is an all too common issue for the modern western family. Most people I know do not have support from extended family. Even those who live near family often do not receive the support they need. I get a little sad thinking about how Everett may not get the opportunity to meet my side of the family for a long time. We have been really lucky to have good friends and neighbors in the area. I know this may be harder for you living in Austria, but I think you would benefit greatly from meeting other mothers with babies and young children. Are there no mother's groups around? I'm glad to hear you have made an appointment with your doctor. I hope she can help you figure out a treatment plan. It sounds like 2.5-3 months is a time a lot of babies are more irritable/distractable while nursing or start a nursing strike. Everett has been fussy at the breast for the past few weeks. I've resorted to taking him to bed to nurse. Otherwise he'll constantly pop off and fuss. It might be he is having trouble focusing with too much stimuli around. I remember DD going through a nursing strike every few months before she hit a new milestone. Some babies are just more sensitive than others.

As I was saying, we may have an issue with dairy. I had a small ammount on Sat and on Sun he had a little prickly rash all over his body...not completely unusual. I decided to test it with large ammounts and had milk on my cereal, mac and cheese and pizza (without sauce). Don't judge me. I was afraid it was going to be my last day of dairy, I went all out. Today, he's a bit more fussy then usual, having gas and spitting up a lot. Now, none of this is altogether unusual, he had days like this when I wan eating air and water for 3 weeks. Should I keep testing it? Oh the rash is gone and he's been sleeping wonderfully...only got up once last night.

I'm feeling a little overwhelmed. It's my own fault...If I could get off the internet and do some things, I'd be just peachy!

I need to start exersizing. I worked the compost pile yesterday, that counts right?

I'd test it again and then wait a month to see if there is any change. It can take 2-3 weeks for dairy to leave your system and another 2-3 weeks for it to leave Levi's. The way to test an allergen is to go all out when adding it back in. Otherwise it is harder to tell. You did the right thing. Composting is hard work. It certainly counts as exercise!

[cloudbutterfly]

Name: Cloud and Nimbus

DDC Baby's Age: 15 weeks + 2 days, I think.

Updates/Milestones: Well, if you couldn't tell from all my posts in last week's thread, this has been a rough week for us. Skip down to the last paragraph of this section...it's the one with all the happy things to report.

My mastitis seemed to clear up by Friday, and I'm on my last day of antibiotics. Nimbus is still having a long fussy/refuse to nurse period every day. I've learned a lot of different ways to trick/coax him onto the breast and a lot of new positions for breastfeeding, but there's still always a point when he won't nurse. Last night it was particularly long...he started getting fussy during the Oscars and never really settled down into a full feeding until after 1 am. He was spitting up a lot. We had a lot of seitan (wheat gluten-based meat substitute) for dinner, so now I'm thinking I may have to add wheat to the elimination list. So far, I haven't been eating milk, eggs, soy and citrus fruit since Friday.

Yesterday I thought I was already seeing an improvement because his redness between his butt cheeks was diminishing for the first time since it showed up when he was two weeks old, but then he pooped (and I mean POOPED) for the first time since Wednesday (I think), and it came back, so it was probably just from not having pooped in so long. That one and Wednesday's were much thicker than he ever has had before (though the second diaper full of poop was thinner, closer to his normal runny/liquidy stuff). One of my theories is that's what's been bothering him; even if it's not "something wrong" and just his digestive system maturing, it might be uncomfortable to him because he isn't used to it. He's been passing gas all along just fine, so I haven't worried too much.

Last night was just really tough. He was crying more between attempts to get him to eat, though he also was easily made to laugh and smile, so I'm really trying to get my worrying in check and simply be there for him until he's ready to settle down for the night. I read something in Dr. Sears' book that helped...it's not my job to keep him from crying; it's my job to be there for him and respond to him sensitively and do what I can to give him less to cry about, and the rest is up to him.

I'm so much better when I know what the problem is...he wants to stand all the time...developmental leap? Gas? Food sensitivities? Discomfort when I pull him in to latch him on? Though he doesn't nurse well still even when I'm careful not to even touch the back of his head and neck when he latches on. A bad association from something that happened when he was nursing? Too interested in the TV? (I swear it distracts him even when it's off sometimes.) *sigh* And today he's already spitting up a lot, though has nursed well so far. I'm debating going to the doctor. I don't feel like he *has* to go in anymore, like I did at times when I was freaked out last week just because the poor kid was crying more, because I'm doing the elimination diet and he seems to be happy and sleeping well otherwise, but on the other hand, if it was reflux, I guess he could get some meds to help him feel better. But I'm not keen on giving him more meds, and that would confuse the elimination diet thing. I also got a number for an MD who specializes in breastfeeding--how cool is that?--who I might go to, at least for our thrush issue, which is back a little more thanks to the antibiotics.

Good things: He had his first full on laugh fest last Tuesday night and has laughed like that more and more. I'm learning what cracks him up. There's a certain funny voice that gets the most consistent reaction, especially if I'm shaking his hand along with it. He's getting noticeably stronger: he arches his neck back to look straight up when reclined, can get some traction with the balls of his feet now when he's on his tummy or even when he's on the changing pad face up, can hold his own weight standing for longer each day, and is really getting close to rolling over. He gets his feet way up under him with one foot pushing him over and his head way up and leaning to the side and his arm tucked...he just needs to do it all at the same time. He's been sleeping great lately, 7-8 hours a night most nights, though because of the mastitis I know I have to be careful about engorgement and supply. It's hard to convince myself to wake up in the middle of the night to pump, though. Right now he's taking a nap in his crib unswaddled that he didn't even nurse to sleep for. Oh, and he did consent to let us go out shopping yesterday. I don't know if last night's unhappiness was me paying for that later, but at least I got to go somewhere, and I no longer need to feel the need to get to Babies'R'Us to buy six month size footie sleepers. Now the problem is that I have TOO MANY of them because I already had more of them than I thought...oops.

Thoughts: I'm pretty exhausted now. Today is better because he's had a good morning...it's when he's fussy up until I get him to go to bed and then fussy when he wakes up that gets me now.

DH mentioned last night that he might have an opportunity to take on a couple months of contract work for a lot of money, but it would be 3-4 hours a night on work nights. He already doesn't get home until 6:30 pm, so that pretty much would leave me alone all week long. I don't want to say "no," but this week would've been even harder if I hadn't been able to get his help every evening, and whatever was bothering Nimbus is still bothering him. Plus we have so much work to do to baby proof our house, and we both walked at 9 months and Nimbus is definitely interested in getting on the move so there's a good chance that he'll be mobile on the early side. Plus I'm sure he's going to start teething during that time. I already feel very alone a lot of the time, since even when he's home there's only so much he can do to help out with Nimbus directly because I'm the one with the boobs and Nimbus won't take a bottle anymore. Also, I'm worried he's missing out on Baby Nimbus. I know he feels like he'll be able to spend more time with Toddler Nimbus, but Nimbus just adores him right now, and I want them to spend *more* time together, not less. But it's not just some random opportunity, it's something that he's very involved in already and it would be better for him to do it and not someone from outside. And it is a lot of money.

Blah. So now I'm stressing about that, and we don't even know if it will be a possibility. I think it would have been easier for me to entertain the idea if he'd told me at the end of a good week and not the end of the hardest week I've had since the first two weeks.

(Sorry that I type so much! This is both my therapy substitute and my way of keeping track of everything, so I'm even more long winded when I'm stressed!)

[cloudbutterfly]

Originally Posted by ithappened

oh man, that sounds rough. I would be in a terrible terrible mood if I had to give up certain things for that long (cheese, esp!) I dont know how you do it.


As for me..

DDC Baby's Age: 3 months on Sunday!

Updates/Milestones: Hes 15lbs now. Smiling all the time, started to grap for things today and is sleeping for 5-6 hours a night straight


Thoughts: This has been a really really rough week for me. We got back from visiting my family last week and its been sort of shell shock for me since then. We had so much support and help there and then we came home and its just us again. It was really tough. On top of that DS has started to have problems nursing the last few days (he latches then pops off right away and screams so furiously, will only take a bottle sometimes). I am sort of feeling exhausted and defeated by it already... I actually handed him to DH tonight because I convinced myself DS hated me and went into the bathroom to cry.

I think the PPD is hitting me 3 months PP. . I feel on the verge of tears often and can't handle any criticism. Actually I don't know if its PPD or just adjusting to this huge life event. . maybe its a little of both

For me at this moment there is no sense that this newborn phase will ever pass, let alone improve. I never really see myself getting out of being a walking boob or ever having any sort of life that resembled my old one back.

Its a struggle some days just because I feel like my life is no longer mine- at all- and I am not sure if I will ever even get a little bit of my life back, for me. We have no help here and I think that only exacerbates the problem.

There is just the innate belief that whatever more is to come, will not replace what is, but will only be heaped onto everything else... and how I will continue to keep my head above water when I am barely keeping afloat already is not only a mystery but feels dauntingly impossible.

I've felt a lot of this lately...it seems like a lot of us are in the middle of nursing strike-type things right now, and that makes it even tougher. I was so low, so depressed on Thursday night that while I'd never, ever do it, I could really see how someone who didn't intend to do CIO could get to that point. I just felt like I wanted to shut down, go numb, and while DH was holding Nimbus and he was fussing, I could feel my jump-up-and-comfort instinct was all worn out.

Friday I was better, but I know the only reason is that I'm already taking antidepressants. My mom even pointed out that I never would've been able to bounce back like that before I started taking them. Well that and that therapy last year helped me learn how to communicate better with DH and ask for what I need more often, so I do have him to help when I'm down or unsure about what I'm doing. But I'm stressed enough that I've stayed somewhere down in the depression dumps, because as soon as he gets fussy I'm right back there, ready to cry again, ready to think that it's never going to end, and thinking that maybe I don't want to have another one if I can't handle Nimbus' current fussiness. He's been so easy up until this point...what if I had a baby who needed more from me from the start? Logically I know that next time will be easier because I'll know what I'm doing from the start.

Anyway...I really feel for you, because I know how tough things are for me even though I already have my doctor's help with dealing with them. I'm hoping for both of us that Mandy is right and that it does get better and more predictable! Right now, I'd settle for getting back to a point where I'm able to put away his clean laundry.

[Tattooed Hand]

Di Linh, I can only imagine how daunting things must seem for you now. Hugs. Really. I can only have corn so far (and maybe wheat though it's too early to tell for sure) and it's HARD. I cannot imagine how hard it must be to do it for so many years. Though I might be about to find out.

IH, We're alone here too and I know how hard it is. Everyone has different challenges and being in Europe in a culture different from your own and that much farther from family must be really tough. I hope you get the help you need. Somehow I doubt you suck at being a mom... I also know how sometimes it's hard to talk to anyone because you feel like if you say something it's just going to be too much.

Name: Mana and Rassa

DDC Baby's Age: 3 months on Wed.

Updates/Milestones: Fussy at breast. But sleeping better. I think it's because nursing her in bed is the only effective way to nurse her anymore because of said fussiness and so she falls asleep there and I lie next to her and read (alot of my work at home involves reading) and the minute she rouses I stick a boob in her mouth and nurses half asleep and falls goes back to sleep. So she's sleeping more during the day (and I am getting more done) and she's also eating more during the day. We've had more 4 and even a few 4.5 hour stretches, which is great. Plus the hardest part of my semester is over. I feel like I can do anything after making it through these last 6 weeks of food reactions, thrush, head cold, plugged ducts and crappy weather. I feel like I can do anything now. I'm trying really hard to be positive, even though I sometimes despair of ever finishing my dissertation, getting to go back to yoga regularly or even just eating a piece of cake.


Thoughts: I'm worried about my upcoming visit to LA to visit my family. On the one hand, I am thrilled to going there, getting some sun and warmth, and to see everyone. On the other hand, I am very afraid I am going to be butting heads with my mom big time. I think we are going to have to redefine certain boundaries. She just doesn't respect some of the things that I am doing with R and thinks some of the ways she is (like refusing a bottle) are my fault and that I should make her do x or y. I flat out told her that we do x and that's just the way it is (she has a horror for instance of co-sleeping), or no, we are not going to torture her by letting her CIO because you think "she just needs to learn to deal with this." I really really don't want to spend the whole week fighting with my mom, especially when I'll be taking care of R full time since DH is not coming too. I'm thinking of how to have a nice calm conversation with her.

[SilvanaRose]

I'm so sorry to those of you that are going through a rough phase right now. I truly hope things get better for you ladies. And the allergies really suck yeah....

Name: Sara and Orin

DDC Baby's Age: 3 months and 3 days

Updates/Milestones: He has been really picking up on a lot of noises and faces and I taught him how to blow bubbles.....funniest thing ever. He is 12lbs 8oz now, tiny little guy lol. We have now been EC'ing for 2.5 weeks and I have only had 1 'miss' because we were out and I could not take him to a toilet. I honestly can't believe how easy this is. He gives me such CLEAR signals it's not even funny. I know the difference between poops and pees and diaper laundry has never been more pleasant lol. Everyone says "oh you're lucky, you just have an easy baby"....uh ok, Sorry? Some days are easier than others but overall I enjoy motherhood.

Thoughts: Oh man here comes the vent. Don't worry I'm not looking for advice. All of you ladies over the past 11 months have been so wise with trying to help me with my IL issues. I just need a place to vent because I have nobody to talk to and it sucks This is my cyber release lol.

So we went there yesterday after basically not seeing them for a month (was so pleasant too...) and they practically pounced on Orin. DH and FIL at some point went into the house for something. MIL took him from me and when Orin was trying to look at me she kept turning away from me so he couldn't see. What a Then she had the audacity to say "why is he looking at you all the time and not me?"
Me: "um because I'm his mom and he loves me lol, it's only natural"
MIL: "Well OTHER people love him too you know!" I wanted to slap her.

Then a couple minutes later she says "so how long did your dad visit for?"
Me: "Only 1 night"
MIL:"Oh that short? Did he get to hold Orin the whole time?"
Me: "Um, no....he doesn't like to be held for too long by anyone except DH and I"
MIL: "Well that's because you keep him away from us"

Then when I was changing him in the back seat of our car (it was nice out and we were all outside) she opens the other door to sit and watch!!! She was staring at his penis the whole time! Probably because she didn't know what an intact one looked like. I took the opportunity to say to Orin how "PERFECT" he is.

There were other comments but that's the readers digest version. They want to babysit and DH really wants to go out with me and see a movie but I'm deathly scared of leaving him with those people. I keep stalling. I did tell DH that I don't want to leave Orin with anyone until he can ask for exactly what he wants and be able to tell us what happens. I have major major trust issues to begin with and those people really ruined any real chance at a relationship with me.

The crappy thing is that DH didn't get to hear any of MIL's comments to me. I told him after and he said "my mom needs to learn her place" Thankfully!

I actually could see her doing something to jeopardize my relationship with DH and/or DS. She is the type that would try and screw my chances with immigration or call CPS on me for god knows what. I keep having nightmares that they take my baby and DH is on their side. I can't even control my feelings towards her. I have nothing good to say about her anymore and I'm just afraid that it's going to tear DH and I apart.




Thanks for the cyber space lol

[justmandy]

Originally Posted by evinmom

I'd test it again and then wait a month to see if there is any change. It can take 2-3 weeks for dairy to leave your system and another 2-3 weeks for it to leave Levi's. The way to test an allergen is to go all out when adding it back in. Otherwise it is harder to tell. You did the right thing. Composting is hard work. It certainly counts as exercise!

I've been dairy free since....January....stink, let me get the calendar....January 21 so that was 6 weeks last Thursday. I saw no difference. I think I'm going to keep eating dairy for the four day test and that will give me a better idea then one or two days. If he's still fussy by the Wed/Thursday morning then that would be unusual and I'd go off again indefinately. Really, I'm just making this up as I go...

[ithappened]

He's been so easy up until this point...what if I had a baby who needed more from me from the start?

I hear that! I think the same thing.

Last night I mustered up ALL my nerves to tell DH how I was feeling (see what I posted above, basically an iteration of that).. He told me I was being too sensitive and just was looking to be coddled a bit. Needless to say, that shut me down and I left the room so I could go cry in the bedroom silently.

Healthy, I know.



cloudbutterfly- Id say no to the job. It seems like too much right now even if it is more money, it might not be worth the stress for you. . .

TH- i hope your trip to LA goes well, if all else fails you can do what I do and medicate with cake and chocolate

evi and mandy- thanks for the supportive words

SR- sorry about your MIL.. but Id love to suggest that we hook her up with my FIL.

[SilvanaRose]

Oh man I don't know how I forgot the absolute winning comment of the day yesterday!

MIL "The only reason he loves you is because you are his only source of food"

LOL I know right! We have a winner!

[nina_yyc]

everyone! Maybe 3mo is just a tough time. The babies are no longer new and reality is sinking in...

Originally Posted by ithappened

I am really trying but I feel like I just suck at being a mom. I don't know how those of you with more then one do it ..

IH, I just wish you lived down the street from me so I could have you over for coffee and hugs. There is NO WAY you suck at being a mom. Just the fact that you care enough to wonder if you are doing a good job means you are probably doing a good job. And don't get me started on the image that the parenting-industrial complex has sold us of the perfect mom, and how parenting seems to be a competitive thing these days

Name: Nina & Elliot

DDC Baby's Age: 13w

Updates/Milestones: Making lots of little sounds, spends his tummy time moving his arms and legs in attempt to crawl, stands on my lap while I hold his hands, really social and aware of the world this week

Thoughts:Is it normal to have spotting from time to time in the PP period? DH and I had an 'ooops' about a week ago and I hope this is either spotting or my period starting (at 3mos? Gah!) and not implantation bleeding.

Other than that....I'm doing great at the gym but not doing very well at watching my food intake...I fall off the wagon daily. I have lost 5lbs so far but it seems to be leveling off. The idea of Weight Watchers is still looming.

Thanks evinmom for the idea of donating breast milk. I got my name in to a local mama who coordinates milk donation in our community. So far she hasn't needed my milk but I have participated in her charity by giving freezer meals to families in crisis. I'm excited to do some volunteering that actually helps real people. Up until Elliot was born I spent 7 years on the committee or board of this or that group but didn't actually feel like I made much of a difference.

In general...the baby is easy but I have to fight every day against allowing my 3yo to remain a sociopath into adulthood. We've progressed from biting the baby to yelling at him until he wakes up. Lucky me

[SilvanaRose]

Originally Posted by ithappened

I hear that! I think the same thing.

Last night I mustered up ALL my nerves to tell DH how I was feeling (see what I posted above, basically an iteration of that).. He told me I was being too sensitive and just was looking to be coddled a bit. Needless to say, that shut me down and I left the room so I could go cry in the bedroom silently.

Healthy, I know.



cloudbutterfly- Id say no to the job. It seems like too much right now even if it is more money, it might not be worth the stress for you. . .

TH- i hope your trip to LA goes well, if all else fails you can do what I do and medicate with cake and chocolate

evi and mandy- thanks for the supportive words

SR- sorry about your MIL.. but Id love to suggest that we hook her up with my FIL.

Oh, I have been there....but fortunately he is my ex now. That is so hard when the person you love the most dismisses your feelings. I don't even know how you can communicate to him. Try saying "This is how 'I FEEL' and I need to let you know because I need your support not your criticism." It's really hard with certain men. You need to let him know that it's not his fault but it's the way you feel. Even if it is his fault lol. As soon as a guy hears it's his fault they shut you out. I'm sorry that things are so hard for you I really can commiserate because we are sort of in the same boat...both being in different countries and having to deal with IL's. I would love to get them together. Maybe they could cancel each other out.....not!

[SilvanaRose]

Originally Posted by nina_yyc

everyone! Maybe 3mo is just a tough time. The babies are no longer new and reality is sinking in...


IH, I just wish you lived down the street from me so I could have you over for coffee and hugs. There is NO WAY you suck at being a mom. Just the fact that you care enough to wonder if you are doing a good job means you are probably doing a good job. And don't get me started on the image that the parenting-industrial complex has sold us of the perfect mom, and how parenting seems to be a competitive thing these days

I truly wish we all lived just down the street so we could all get/give coffee and hugs lol. What a great community we would make lol.

[evinmom]

Originally Posted by cloudbutterfly

I was so low, so depressed on Thursday night that while I'd never, ever do it, I could really see how someone who didn't intend to do CIO could get to that point. I just felt like I wanted to shut down, go numb, and while DH was holding Nimbus and he was fussing, I could feel my jump-up-and-comfort instinct was all worn out.

Oh yea, we are at that point. On Mondays and Wednesdays DH doesn't even get home til after 8pm. This evening I held a crying Everett for at least 20 minutes knowing that at first he was signaling to pee and then he proceeded to pee in his diaper and I couldn't even be bothered to go change him. Normally I don't let him sit in a wet diaper for even a minute. Now I feel really crappy which wears me down more. I feel like I'm sabotaging our EC relationship, but I just don't have any motivation or energy left at the moment.

[lalemma]

Name: Henry

DDC Baby's Age: 4 months actual/2 months and a bit, adjusted

Updates/Milestones: I have totally slacked on the part-time ECing we'd started. I hit a run of no-peeing after naps (which is when I offer the potty) and just gave up.

Thoughts: We had a death in the family and visited relatives for the memorial this weekend. It was a sad occasion, but sweet to see H. meet his relatives for the first time. He was much admired by all, as is the due of all babies. And it was so wonderful to have other adults around to TALK TO. In full sentences!

I was sad to leave. Having a baby has really impressed upon me how hard it is to raise your babies in isolation! I wish we lived closer to family...

ItHappened, I feel so much empathy for you. I know just what you mean. For myself, these feelings really come and go, and I've noticed that they're strongly tied to the moments when I feel least like an independent adult. Sometimes, I can get through a whole day just fine (I stay at home with the baby) and then at the end of the day I just cannot take it anymore. I just want him off my lap. I want to leave the house BY MYSELF, without anyone asking if I've nursed the baby recently.

H. is such a totally mellow baby, too. (As long as you don't try to put him down.) I don't know that I could handle it if he were a more intense baby!

I don't know what is going on with his naps. He's going for an increasingly long stretch of awakeness in the morning, which I don't love. (In my defense, his naps don't mean that he lays down and I get an hour to do chores, they just mean that now I'm carrying around a sleeping baby instead of an awake one.)

It's way too early for him to be trying to drop a nap, right? RIGHT?

to everyone. Sounds like it's not the best week out there.

[Tattooed Hand]

Oh Cloud, I hope things with Nimbus settle down. It's been alot of ups and downs and it must be hard. I know that feeling of "what next, I don't know if I can take it." I had that for a good 4-5 weeks and for some reason I am feeling more stable even though all this latching on and off (the latest thing) is making my nipples sore...

[Tattooed Hand]

Originally Posted by SilvanaRose

Oh man I don't know how I forgot the absolute winning comment of the day yesterday!

MIL "The only reason he loves you is because you are his only source of food"

LOL I know right! We have a winner!

Wha?!