Going it alone.

[wanderinggypsy]

I don't know where to start. Other than to say I know my marriage is ending because if I don't get me and these kids away from my husband and his temper we're all going to go nuts. And i just don't know how it's all going to go down. My youngest is just 6 months old, and I'm a SAHM. How am I going to do this? I need out. But how?

Any comments/advice are appreciated.

Thanks.

[*MamaJen*]

Deep breath, mama. It can be a big scary leap into the unknown, but you can do it.
I don't know your back story, but if you ask just about anyone here who has left a partner with a nasty temper, they'll tell you that life on the other side is so much better. No more walking on eggshells, no more being worried about explosions. It's great.
The exact ways that it'll play out will depend on a lot of factors. Take stock of your assets. Do you have family or friends you can stay with while you get on your feet? Based on his salary, look up child support laws in your state and get an estimate of how much he would be ordered to pay. Are you eligible for any public assistance, like TANF or WIC or food stamps or housing assistance? Do you and your husband have any joint assets?
Some women do manage to be single SAHMs, through a combination of child support, public assistance and working from home. But typically it means working. Do you have any job skills? Any education? For SAHMs without a lot of job experience, one thing to consider is doing in-home day care or getting a job at a daycare where you can bring your LOs.
Good luck, mama, and keep us posted.

[DirtRoadMama]

Hi Gypsy!

I don't have any advice, because I'm still at the beginning of (what is likely to be) the end of my relationship. But, I remember how I felt when I made my first post, and how good it felt to know that there were other mamas out there going through the same thing.

So, as sucky as it is that you are joining us under these circumstances, welcome!

[dziwozony]

I left a partner with a nasty temper just this past November, so am only about 4 months out. I am dealing with frustrating legal exchanges & the experience of having to sort out a custody arrangement...definitely things that are not very much fun. BUT, my life is sooooo much better. In only 4 months, my outlook on life has changed so much. I didn't realize how much my day-to-day experience held this ongoing tension because I never knew what would set him off. I was constantly worried about messing something up or saying the wrong thing or being in his way at the wrong time...sometimes it would be something so little & unexpected that would cause him to flare up. And then sometimes we would go a whole month at a time & things would be okay & I would get comfortable...but it never stayed that way.

I assume you're in the US? I'll leave it to other in the states to give you practical advice, as I'm in NZ, but I can tell you that you are making the right choice. It does have to stop & what you're about to do may be the scariest thing you've ever done, but it's worth it. So, so worth it in such an incredible way.

~good luck~

[Theia]

I would suggest having a consult with an attorney or 3. Sometimes, they are free too. Just gather info. And also do the things MamaJen suggests. Start making your plan. You are doing the right thing.

[mama_ani]

I know exactly what you are going through. It's been my life til everything came to a head in October and he moved out.
Would you be able to stay in your home or would you have to move? Check out the federal child support tables. Breathe.
I can't type more now but will be back later.

[wanderinggypsy]

Thanks for the replies.. I'll post more soon. Things are sooo touchy right now.

[Eaglevoice]

such a hard place to be...sorry you're dealing with this, mama. I left my stbx, who had major anger issues almost a year ago. I can't even tell you the difference it has made in my life. It was like lifting a leaded curtain, cutting the ball and chain off of my legs...
My life is 10000 percent better now. It was so hard to go, so hard to actually pack up and leave. It took me months...MONTHS, before I got the balls to walk out the door. Once you are out the door the hardest part is over. Yes you still have to deal with the legal stuff, and that can be really difficult, but at least you are on your own then. Making your own decisions, making your own money. You can do it, mama. You need to do what is best for your children. Children are happy when their mama is happy.