4 year old lying - all.the.time

[UrbanSimplicity]

and even after she's been found out she sticks to it to the point of actual tears - I did NOT lie!

Other than talking about why we do not lie, the only other recourse I've had is to read stories like Peter and the Wolf, George Washington and the cherry tree and another I don't know the name of off hand.

Any advice?

This is sudden on-set and happens numerous times throughout the day, usually to avoid my disapproval when she's done something less than OK.

[GuildJenn]

Don't give her the chance.

"Did you turn the television on after we agreed it would stay off?" - room for a fib. (Perfectly normal at this age btw.)

"I see the television is on. We agreed it would stay off. Please turn it off." - less room for a fib.

I think reading stories about lying is good but expecting a 4 year old to make the abstract leap to her own behaviour /and/ control it is an awful lot. Remember that this is still a stage of magical thinking when a child may on some level almost believe that denying it will mean it didn't happen.

[limabean]

Originally Posted by UrbanSimplicity

This is sudden on-set and happens numerous times throughout the day, usually to avoid my disapproval when she's done something less than OK.

This is very normal, especially at age 4, and especially when they're worried about getting in trouble -- they say what they wish were true instead of what's actually true.

One easy way to get around it is to rephrase what you say. For example, if you walk in the room and see crayon marks on the wall, instead of saying, "Did you draw on the wall?!?" (when it's obvious that she did) you could just state what you see: "I see crayon marks on the wall. We draw on paper, not the walls. Please get a wet sponge and clean that up." Even if she says, "But I didn't do it," I would just ignore the fact that that's not a true statement and say something like, "Well, I can see the marks and they need to get cleaned up, so let's get started."

[Bea]

I think it's relatively normal.

Things I do. Don't set her up for a lie. If you know she did something, approach the conversation from there. Don't ask if she did it. Take it as a matter of fact that she did and correct from there.

ie (for my older step daughter)

Rather than "did you brush your teeth?" (I know she didn't)

"You need to go and brush your teeth"

You can carry on with the conversations about honesty etc but avoid some of the frustration of being told bare faced lies which is infuriating!

[hakeber]

DS went through this phase. Definitely a big yeah that to the pps.

I have also engaged his imagination and let him tell the story as FANTASTIC as he wants to make it, really encouraging him on and letting him make up all sorts of silly stuff, like The banana grew legs and took his shoes and sold them to a turtle who lives in Panama...really going for a great story.

then I say " that would be so cool if that were true, wouldn't it?" and then go ahead and tell him to clean up his mess/find his shoes.

But once we had a situation where he had gone next door and found a can of wood stain with a paint brush in it and he painted their dalmation brown down his back and sides. He had paint on his shoes, so I knew it was him, and when I said he had to go admit what he'd done to the neighbor and apologize and offer to wash their dog, kept insisting a whale had swum into the yard and did it with his big whaley tale. He was really scared to face the consequences. So we had to have a long talk about why telling the truth matters, and why it is brave to tell the truth. We relied on his hero, Sporticus. We said; "Like Sporticus! Robbie Rotten lies all the time, But not Sporticus, he always tells the truth, even if he did the wrong thing and that's what makes him so brave!"

He still lies sometimes, but he is much better at owning up to his bad choicces and EVERY time he tells a hard truth, we SHOWER him in praise and hugs and "that was REALLY brave" before, during and after the consequences for his actions.

[meemee]

yup this is the age for that discovery.

however you have to check out the situation. because this is also the age of imagination explosion.

she could be right. she didnt do it. her imaginary friend did it. so technically she was right.

when my dd started i talked to her after i caught her stealing more popsicles when i had told her she could have only one.

then we talked about our needs. and she expressed she really badly needed another popsicle. and she knew i would say no. that was time for me to do a parenting 'too high handed' check. and i decided i was in the wrong. so i told her when she needed some more badly i would appreciate if she told me. i was afraid seh would ask for two popsicles all the time. surprise. she didnt she would only do it once in a while. same thing with brushing teeth. i dont feel like doing it tonight. ok but then you have to rinse and floss. oh ok.

she is 7. i have never heard her lie again. i have asked her fi she has lied or not told me anything. and she said no.