Am I obsessed with Motherhood?

[NEastMomma]

Hi all,
DS (7mos) and I had a lovely afternoon with one of my dear friends today. She happens to be single and was wondering when I'd be free to go "out on the town" with her and leave DS with DH for the night. I breastfeed, but work part-time and have a small frozen milk stash that I could dip into. Thing is, DS isn't the best sleeper and goes down in fits and starts until it is time to take him into bed with us. And he'll only accept soothing from me, no matter how hard DH tries.

I left our outing today feeling kinda funny - like I'm strange for not being able to just leave DS w/ his Dad and a bottle and call it a night. Strange for being okay with having to be there for DS. I actually thought to myself, "Wow, she thinks I'm obsessed with DS!" But ladies, I kind of am...

Thoughts? Is it "normal" to want to put certain aspects of life "on hold" indefinitely? Am I getting obsessed?

If you've read this far, THANKS!

[HeliMom]

I think it perfectly normal to not want to be separated from your child at this young age. I'd say it's instincts mama. It's wonderful that you have such a strong bond.

[Breeder]

I think you're absolutely normal. Just know that right now you feel like you're going to put things off "indefinitely" but it may not always be so. Some people are comfortable leaving their babes for a night out fairly early on. Some mamas don't make it there for years down the road.

As a working mom also you have some separation time already built in, so you don't have that feeling of "really needing a break" from your kiddo either. This makes it even easier to want to be needed and around him.

You are one of the most important people in the world to your little man, it's only natural that you should be focused on him! Sounds like you're a great mom.

[askew]

It took me until DS was 16 months for either of us to be ready for me to leave for 1 night.

[Grace and Granola]

I was just like you when I had my first baby. I rarely went anywhere without my baby and definitely did not leave him during sleep times, because there was just a certain way he needed to be put down. I left him overnight for the first time when I gave birth to my second son. After that it became easier to let go a little. Being home with two little ones really created a NEED for me to have time to myself. But at this point on your journey, I think you are well within normal! I know alot of the world does not see it the same way though.

[blumooned]

I've been in the same situation. A friend has said she'd like to go out - just us, no baby. I haven't taken her up on the offer yet - DS is 10.5 mos. The longest he has ever been away from me is 3 hours & never at night. I don't know if this is "normal", but you're not the only one who's putting stuff on hold.
To be honest, I think if I went out without DS, I'd just be wondering how he is & probably not have as much fun as my friends. Oh well. I'd rather get to experience all the joys of motherhood than be able to drop everything for a night out. Eventually, there will be a happy medium, but for now, my son wins!

[EricaE]

Normal and healthy, I think!! I really can't understand it when I hear about mama's who leave their tiny babes with a babysitter because they just NEEDED some "me" time. I feel lost without my baby near by.

[*bejeweled*]

I was the same exact way. What could be more important than spending time with my baby? She's now 7 and I still feel the same I rarely feel the need to "get away" without her. We have time apart when she's in school.

[Madalyn]

Originally Posted by blumooned

The longest he has ever been away from me is 3 hours & never at night.

Same here, my son's 9.5 months. I think it's normal. What's even more pathetic is the first time I went out without him was to the movies and halfway through the film I was missing him like crazy!

[staceychev]

I don't think that's weird at all. Your friend just doesn't get it because she's not a mom... actually some moms never get that way either. I totally wouldn't have left my DD overnight at that age. I don't think I left her until she was nearly 2, actually.

[Niblett]

Hear hear, totally normal! My ds is 8 months old. He also sleeps in fits amd starts until we go to bed with him and will only be settled by me. It would be unthinkable to go for a night out and leave him. The only thing my husband and I will do is leave him with his grandmother for 2 hours tops in the early evening (6-8pm) and go for a quick meal. This gives us the valuable parent time we need. But I couldn't do it if it was detrimental to my baby.

Niblett xxx

[NEastMomma]

Wow, thank you all! I woke up this morning to see if anyone replied and and delighted to see such wonderful responses. Each of you said something that rang true.

Thank you so much for helping me to feel "normal" and positive for listening to my instincts. I truly, truly appreciate it. And so good to know I'm in such good company!

[Lizbiz]

yep - totally normal. i haven't been out later than 11pm since my son was born 2 1/2 years ago. i just am not a party girl to begin with (i like a good time, don't get me wrong - i just don't need to do that at 1 am anymore - esp since my days start at 7am), and i like being with my kids too.

that said, i'm sure there will come a time when you do want to go out, and that will be normal too, and ok.

[ErinYay]

I was talking to my mom yesterday about this exact thing.

It was a beautiful day, and I really needed to get out of the house. On one hand, I needed some downtime badly. On the other, I felt negligent for leaving the baby at home, especially as we've both been cooped up due to poor weather. I went off on my own, and it was marvelous, though I did still feel pretty guilty.

Mom assured me that it's a struggle that never really ends- balancing the need to be alone and take your own time with being with the baby/kid. In the long run, I know it's important for Valley to spend alone-time with her daddy, and for me to spend alone-time with me, but it's still hard!

[tracysroberts]

normal and healthy I think too.

I personally chose to have a child and be there for him until later. Not going out for a little while is not a sacrafice to me, but an investment in him. He is only this age once and I dont want to miss a minute. I know I may go out eventually, but I dont feel the need now and I wont let me pressure me.

I think we have these instincts for a reason.
My little guy doesnt let DH put him to sleep either.

[Blueone]

I understand. I occasionally leave my son with my husband for a bit so they have bonding time during the day, but once the evening hits I don't leave. When I leave during the day it's only for grocery shopping or a quick errand for no more than 2 hours, but even 2 hours is stretching it. It's hard to leave them this young, especially with a non family member.

Oh, my son doesn't let anyone else put him to sleep either. It's annoying sometimes, but that's just how it is.

[Lacrymosa]

I am the same way! I pretty much ALWAYS choose being with my baby rather than go out with friends, etc. And I am always, always there to put her to sleep, I don't think I'd ever go out at that time. If I go out.. I bring her with me.

Perfectly normal I'd say

[HadhratKhadija]

I wouldn't leave my baby either. i dont know if that makes it "normal" or not, lol

mother via your instincts!

[4myfinn]

I feel exactly the same way as you. I don't like to leave my DS for more than a couple of hours, and then it's usually just to go run errands while DS is with DH. I would just rather be with my family than out on the town right now, plain and simple. I do miss my friends, but they understand. Actually, a friend suggested we do monthly dinners at someone's home with our group of girlfriends and that way I can bring DS. It's been nice and still allows me to "get out." My girlfriends spend most of the time doting on DS and I get to sit back and relax.

Mommies and babies just need to be together. It's just instinctual.

[MiaMama]

Originally Posted by 4myfinn

I feel exactly the same way as you. I don't like to leave my DS for more than a couple of hours, and then it's usually just to go run errands while DS is with DH. I would just rather be with my family than out on the town right now, plain and simple. I do miss my friends, but they understand. Actually, a friend suggested we do monthly dinners at someone's home with our group of girlfriends and that way I can bring DS. It's been nice and still allows me to "get out." My girlfriends spend most of the time doting on DS and I get to sit back and relax.

Mommies and babies just need to be together. It's just instinctual.

Yeah, this.
I went out and did lots of fun things with my friends and husband. I just brought my DD with me! The intense attachment stage (on both sides) is temporary, and eventually, you and the LO will feel more comfortable spending time apart. You don't need to force it to happen early.