reading at the dinner table

[A&A]

Do you make your gifted reader(s) put down their books while eating? Why or why not?
I'm trying to decide if this is a battle worth fighting or not. Thanks!

[Tjej]

We don't read at the dinner table together. It is a time for being together as a family. Reading a newspaper or book or letter or whatever cuts off conversation and, IMO, is rude.

Reading in a room with others when you aren't all gathered around the table for supper - sure, that is fine and friendly. But to me reading during supper is on par with talking on a cell phone to someone noone at the table knows, throughout dinner.

Tjej

[moominmamma]

Dinner time is family time. No one reads in our family. Family relationships are far more important, IMO. I also agree with Tjej -- it's just rude.

On the other hand, if it's just one kid sitting at the table chowing down on a sandwich or a snack, sure, it's fine to read, so long as the reading hand is kept clean and it's not a library book (risk of spills, etc.).

Miranda

[LynnS6]

Books are down during family meals. Even the most avid reader needs to practice conversational skills, and what better forum than a supportive family dinner?

I'd discourage eating while reading in general just because I think it's possible to eat more than you realize while reading (ask me how I know ). But for things other than family meals, I probably wouldn't fight that battle. I read the newspaper during breakfast, why not a book?

[ollyoxenfree]

Generally we don't read at the dinner table. I won't say we never do, because I've been guilty of picking up the newspaper if it's still there from breakfast. I'll read out an item and we'll discuss it.

Occasionally, we'll have pizza in front of the television too. I'd probably tolerate a child who was so absorbed in a book that they brought it to the dinner table more than one who was glued to the tv. I'm not sure why though - both exhibit poor social behaviour.

[waiflywaif]

We only read at the table if it's not "family dinner"---like if one of us is out, and it's just me and DD or DH and DD. We do read at breakfast and lunch.

I just want to say that I don't really see what this question has to do with being gifted. It's an etiquette thing that you either practice or don't. Is it *not* rude for *non-gifted* people to read at the table?

[hergrace]

We allow newspapers and magazines at casual weekend breakfasts, but no other reading at the table.

In addition to the reasons mentioned above, the breakfast reading has to only be on the weekends or we are late to school.

[purslaine]

No reading during supper.

I would see it as similar to playing a handheld video game or listenning to music with an earpiece during supper, which isn't what family suppers are about.

Moreover, I try to encourage balance in addictions (or passions/obsessions) - and the need for something other than family and food at the table seems a little out of balance.

[Tigerle]

Originally Posted by waiflywaif

I just want to say that I don't really see what this question has to do with being gifted. It's an etiquette thing that you either practice or don't. Is it *not* rude for *non-gifted* people to read at the table?

I'd say it's about what kathymuggle mentioned - if reading is an addiction/passion/obsession (and that I think is a common gifted thing), it makes it so much harder to do the non-rude thing here - or to listen to what your parents tell you what the non-rude thing to do is. I have a hard time to not read whatever I am doing, and only good dinner conversation makes me not want to read then, and only strong habits of politeness stop me from reading when the conversation leaves something to be desired. my husband is always taking reading material away from me as it is.

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by kathymuggle

I would see it as similar to playing a handheld video game or listenning to music with an earpiece during supper, which isn't what family suppers are about.

agreed.

Reading at the table was a much bigger issue with my austic but gifted child than my *just* gifted child. It's really not a sign of balance to be more interested in books (or video games or whatever) than interacting with real people.

[heatherdeg]

Originally Posted by Tjej

We don't read at the dinner table together. It is a time for being together as a family. Reading a newspaper or book or letter or whatever cuts off conversation and, IMO, is rude.

Reading in a room with others when you aren't all gathered around the table for supper - sure, that is fine and friendly. But to me reading during supper is on par with talking on a cell phone to someone noone at the table knows, throughout dinner.

Tjej

Originally Posted by kathymuggle

No reading during supper.

I would see it as similar to playing a handheld video game or listenning to music with an earpiece during supper, which isn't what family suppers are about.

Moreover, I try to encourage balance in addictions (or passions/obsessions) - and the need for something other than family and food at the table seems a little out of balance.

all of that

And for us, if you're eating, you're eating. We don't allow other things with eating. That being said, nobody here ever eats alone.

[chaimom]

Gosh. I think reading at a family meal is not polite. Why would a gifted kid get a pass on that?

[meemee]

its just my dd and me. i remember doing that as a child. so i let her read. i dont stop her. however in our house it is not a daily recurrence. we end up both reading our own individual books. and somehow doing it at the dinner table opens up the conversation. if one giggles or says wow they have to share what happened. and before we know it, we have put our books down and are merrily chatting away.

dd is also allowed to read on the street, but not while crossing the road.

however i also know her personality. when she is into something she is REALLY into it. almost like she has to keep at it to get it out of her system or there is no peace.

i dont insist on the no books on the table because we get lots of time together apart from mealtimes since its just her and me.

but i remember as a child doing that too and we didnt have to stop reading. somehow i remember putting my book down to join in the conversation at the table.

[loraxc]

No, we don't allow it, even if she is eating solo (this is really because she's almost always reading library books, and she's a messy eater).

Now, second poll: do you let them read while walking? (Yes, this is an issue here.)

[hergrace]

Originally Posted by loraxc

Now, second poll: do you let them read while walking? (Yes, this is an issue here.)

Not near stairs or the street or in parking lots. The hardest place to enforce it is the parking lot outside the library.

I try to discourage it in general, but I think he is more likely to stop doing it because he has tripped too many times than because I have told him to stop.

[Thalia the Muse]

No reading at the table, except for very rare occasions, like when Daddy is watching baseball at the table (Not thrilled about this, but he grew up in a house where the TV is ALWAYS on, so he meets me more than halfway). Walkign with a book is fine as long as there is nowhere you need to get to in a hurry (like when I have asked you to pick up the stuff strewn all over the living room), and you don't fall over.

[Llyra]

I do it... and I can remember my mother gently tolerating it when I was a kid. (Actually I can remember her doing it too. I remember me and my mom and my brother all eating together and reading our books, and occasionally looking up to share what we were reading about.) DH and I have always read at the table, too. I only have one out of my three (DD1-- she's 5) who can read independently, and I let her read at the table if she wants to.

I come from a long line of bibliophiles, and it's just what works for us. To me, there are WAY bigger fish to fry, and I'm not willing to give it up myself, so I can't prohibit my kids from doing it.

Our rules are:
1. We don't read at the table when there's a guest.

2. If a person is so absorbed in their book that they don't notice when they've been spoken to, and don't look up to answer, then that book is probably too absorbing for the table, and should be put away. I give one chance on this one, and if you're rude a second time, I ask you to either put the book away, or go in the kitchen and sit there and eat with your book.

Reading while walking I would allow unless there was a clear and present danger to the child's life. Heck, I used to prop a book on top of the double stroller, and put the twins in there, and push them up and down the street while they napped and I read and read and read.

[A&A]

Originally Posted by waiflywaif

I just want to say that I don't really see what this question has to do with being gifted. It's an etiquette thing that you either practice or don't. Is it *not* rude for *non-gifted* people to read at the table?

The only reason I asked it in the gifted forum, instead of the general parenting forum, is because my dd (age 12) is obsessed with books. She'll say things like, "just being able to touch a book calms me down." So I wondered whether or not that needed to be taken into consideration.

I've generally considered it rude, too, so I tell her to put her book down. Five seconds later, the book is back in front of her face again. Repeat, repeat, repeat. She's such an easy child in general, so I wondered how much to push this issue.

And LOL at reading while walking. My dd does that, too. I always tell her to stop because it's such a safety issue!

My niece actually admitted to me that she has DRIVEN and read before!!!! Which prompted me to tell my dd--when you get your driver's license, any and all reading material WILL be locked in your trunk!!

[philomom]

Originally Posted by chaimom

Gosh. I think reading at a family meal is not polite. Why would a gifted kid get a pass on that?

Thanks. No Ipod or texting at the table, either.

[gcgirl]

I was never allowed to read at the table. Dinner time was FAMILY time, and reading is just as much an escape as TV.

This is from a "gifted" child bookworm, BTW. Doesn't matter how much I loved to read, you need to have balance and family life too. Heck, as an adult, I'd often rather read than interact with DH and DS. I am glad my parents taught me there are more important things, like relationships with your loved ones.