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My freinds and family lie, or maybe I really do have body dysmorphic disorder, but I don't think so. - Page 3

post #41 of 59
You have a great figure. You just need to step away from the too-small ultra lowrise jeans and smile.

You mentioned size 3-5 -- the odd numbers tell me that you are wearing juniors' sizing and really intended for girls in their teens and early 20s who have never had a baby -- I think just trying jeans in womens' sizing (even numbers) will make a world of difference in the fit for you.
post #42 of 59
I know you are going through a hard time and I send you many hugs and good vibes. I agree with others about finding a good therapist. Regarding your pictures - I am being honest with you. You are not fat nor are you ugly. Even though you are sad in that picture, we can still clearly see all of your features - gorgeous eyes, nice full lips and a classic heart shape face
post #43 of 59
So, I looked at your pictures and you're definitely NOT ugly, or even unattractive. Your eyes are nicely shaped and perfectly spaced. The rest of your face looks symmetrical, not too round or pointy. I hesitate to even tell you that though because the point is that you shouldn't be worried about your looks to this degree. It shouldn't matter if you're pretty. Do you think unnattractive people should shut themselves up in their houses and never come out? Should they hate themselves and not even try to make friends? NO! and you know that.

Your body is a beautiful woman's body. You can't dress like a teen anymore though. Like others said, that's a good thing. Take a day off, go alone to a woman's store and just try on lots and lots of clothes. Even if you're not going to buy anything. Try them on in lots of different sizes, even stuff you can't afford. Get everything from the women's section. Start to get an idea of what style you may like. Then, you'll be able to start your new clothing collection knowing what you like.

I think you need to do something worthwhile that doesn't involve your looks. Try volunteering somewhere with adults. Go on a hike, learn a new hobby (knitting, stitching, painting, woodworking, etc.)

Imagine a woman who is self-assured who you admire. Imagine you're just as self-assured and admirable. Then make choices from your imaginary point of view. Fake it 'til you make it.

I hope you feel better soon.
Lisa
post #44 of 59
First of all your have a great body. You really do. I would love to have your body. I am your height and almost 100 lbs more than you and have sm's all over. Trust me when I say it has taken me years to realize that the way I look on the outside does not define who I am on the inside or what I am worth as a person or a woman. I want to lose weight to get healthy and feel better about myself but I do not think that being overweight or obese makes a person ugly. I have known many women who are overweight or obese but have a beautiful personality. A smile and confidence goes such a long way.

Just wanted to give you a and I hope you are able to work through these body issues and realize that you don't have to be "perfect" or a size 0 to be beautiful. It is who you are on the inside and the way you approach life that makes you beautiful.
post #45 of 59


Quote:
Originally Posted by Kailey's mom View Post
I do have a ton of self hate, which is why I think I have this tendancy to be self destructive in a way.
This, more than anything about your body, is what I hope you can work on. You're very strong to be able to articulate this. I don't know anything about how to work on this, but I'm hoping you can find a good therapist that you click with and you can work through this.

If you can become comfortable being you, I suspect the body issues will fade. Then you'll be able to see yourself for the lovely person you are.
post #46 of 59
Quote:
Originally Posted by LynnS6 View Post




This, more than anything about your body, is what I hope you can work on. You're very strong to be able to articulate this. I don't know anything about how to work on this, but I'm hoping you can find a good therapist that you click with and you can work through this.

If you can become comfortable being you, I suspect the body issues will fade. Then you'll be able to see yourself for the lovely person you are.
I totally agree with Lynn.

I'll also second all the other recommendations to get out of jeans meant for young teens who haven't had babies. I couldn't wear those pants and I've not had a baby either, and I'm in pretty good shape!
post #47 of 59
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by PikkuMyy View Post
I totally agree with Lynn.

I'll also second all the other recommendations to get out of jeans meant for young teens who haven't had babies. I couldn't wear those pants and I've not had a baby either, and I'm in pretty good shape!
I have to say I agree 100 percent with the jeans. I was looking through the closet and found a size 4 jean I picked up at the thrift store, who knows when ago lol, I wore those today, and dh said "wow, I love how those fit you" I dont' know the brand, but I can post tomorrow since they are in the bedroom and dh is sound asleep.

Today I actually went to Marshalls with my little girl. It's starting to get warm, and since I had a 50 dollars, I decided to actually buy bathing suits for her and I. We went into the dressing rooms and tried them on. That is pretty huge for me. It felt good, and I didn't feel too awkward in my new suit. It's cute, and a size bigger *last summer small, this summer med* and I'm cool with that.

I'm seeing the psychiatrist tomorrow. Last night I attending my Aspergers support group meeting and expressed some of my depresson issues. The main goal of course is to get off of all meds. A few of my "aspie" friends gave me insight on what helped them with depression, and want me to ask about certain medications. Adderol, and possibly trazadone. I need to research these meds before I even ask. that's what I'll be doing tonight. I'm on meds, but scared of them at the same time, I'm also scared of being off of them. I am non functional without, I've tried. What I am sure of, is what I am on, is not working for me 100 percent, although I've been on zoloft for close to 10 years (WOW) so if you have any good suggestions on what I should bring up on tomorows visit, please give me some suggestions. I'm good with typing, but when it comes to actually talking, I tend to stutter and freeze up. I know I'll need to write a list so the doc can actually see what is going on.

Thanks everyone for understanding, and the kind words, you ladies are the best, more than words could express. I will update tomorrow. Hugs!
post #48 of 59
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kailey's mom View Post
I have to say I agree 100 percent with the jeans. I was looking through the closet and found a size 4 jean I picked up at the thrift store, who knows when ago lol, I wore those today, and dh said "wow, I love how those fit you" I dont' know the brand, but I can post tomorrow since they are in the bedroom and dh is sound asleep.

Today I actually went to Marshalls with my little girl. It's starting to get warm, and since I had a 50 dollars, I decided to actually buy bathing suits for her and I. We went into the dressing rooms and tried them on. That is pretty huge for me. It felt good, and I didn't feel too awkward in my new suit. It's cute, and a size bigger *last summer small, this summer med* and I'm cool with that.
Right sized clothes can make a huge difference!
post #49 of 59
Thanks for letting us know you are feeling a little better!
post #50 of 59
Here's an exercise for you: What would happen if you pretended you were posting pictures of your daughter instead of yourself? Would you EVER in a million years post of picture of your kid on the Internet and label it ugly, fat or gross? Do you think you could be at least as kind to yourself as you would be to a child? Could you treat yourself with the same gentleness of kindness that you would treat a child?

Get rid of the pictures. Smile. Take a new picture of yourself and caption it "I love me!" EVEN if you don't feel that way. Just pretend you do.
post #51 of 59
I am on your other thread (you are doing great, BTW!) too.

I do think that whether you have BDD or not, you certainly are seeing yourself with a ton of negativity.
Before you posted those pics I went to your album and saw you- honey, you are a lovely woman.
I am used to being thin too, and I am still up 10-12 pounds with a doughy stomach 6 months pp. It can be hard, I know, to be heavier than you're used to.
And it probably won't help you to hear this, but your body is beautiful! Truly!

Two things about quitting smoking:
-It can cause a temporary weight gain. You can and will lose the weight when you're off them for a while and your body regulates itself (I know, I've done it and so have friends).

-We use smoking to help tamp down a lot of feelings.
It's a release, a crutch, and when it's gone a lot of crap can come bubbling up to the surface. It sounds like you may be experiencing that too.
A good friend had warned me about that, and for some folks it's worse than others.

Anyway, I'm glad you are seeing the doc. Hang in there, mama. You are doing great.
post #52 of 59
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kailey's mom View Post
oh my! if i had your body i would be rocking some cute clothes!

but i only fit into old mama clothes lol. i tried wearing my pre preg jeans and have a muffin top. i just need to go get new clothes.

you look great. i think your issue might be more of the whole post preg thing most of us go through. the part where you realize you have changed and are "mourning" the loss of the old you. i would go shoppping. buy some stuff that fits right.

once again, i wish i was that slim!
post #53 of 59
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kailey's mom View Post
I have to say I agree 100 percent with the jeans. I was looking through the closet and found a size 4 jean I picked up at the thrift store, who knows when ago lol, I wore those today, and dh said "wow, I love how those fit you" I dont' know the brand, but I can post tomorrow since they are in the bedroom and dh is sound asleep.

Today I actually went to Marshalls with my little girl. It's starting to get warm, and since I had a 50 dollars, I decided to actually buy bathing suits for her and I. We went into the dressing rooms and tried them on. That is pretty huge for me. It felt good, and I didn't feel too awkward in my new suit. It's cute, and a size bigger *last summer small, this summer med* and I'm cool with that.

Fantastic.

I'm seeing the psychiatrist tomorrow. Last night I attending my Aspergers support group meeting and expressed some of my depresson issues. The main goal of course is to get off of all meds. A few of my "aspie" friends gave me insight on what helped them with depression, and want me to ask about certain medications. Adderol, and possibly trazadone. I need to research these meds before I even ask. that's what I'll be doing tonight. I'm on meds, but scared of them at the same time, I'm also scared of being off of them. I am non functional without, I've tried. What I am sure of, is what I am on, is not working for me 100 percent, although I've been on zoloft for close to 10 years (WOW) so if you have any good suggestions on what I should bring up on tomorows visit, please give me some suggestions. I'm good with typing, but when it comes to actually talking, I tend to stutter and freeze up. I know I'll need to write a list so the doc can actually see what is going on.

Thanks everyone for understanding, and the kind words, you ladies are the best, more than words could express. I will update tomorrow. Hugs!
I have been on Wellbutrin for depression for almost 10 years now. I don't anticipate going off it -ever. I know, that's not a popular attitude here at MDC. But this is what is right for me. I share this hoping to reassure you that if you've found a medication that is genuinely helpful there is no reason to drop it. Especially since you have a lot going on right now. Two things in particular:

* You've quit smoking! This is wonderful but stressful.

* You have a three year old child. That's a lot of stress right there.

For what it's worth, Wellbutrin was originally developed to help people quit smoking.

Just another perspective.
post #54 of 59
Thread Starter 
Psych update: Doc said my brain is on overload, and family emotional blackmail is not helping. It's already known that I mentally can not handle to be under too much pressure, but with the added family stress, my brain is disorganised. He gave me samples of Abilify and Seroquel xr. He said these meds are only temperary until I'm able to get my brain o.k. if that makes sense. He didn't think adding more antidepressant medication would really help, but he is putting thought into adding wellbutrin. He also wants me to make sure and take vitamin D3 and flaxseed oil. I have to email him saturday to let him know how things are going. Sooner if things are not well. He knows that one of my main goals is to get off meds, and he's supportive, although he said this is not the time.

The emotional abuse comes from my grandmother, and has been an ongoing problem, although lately I'm the target. Now, because she is sickly, she's getting worse. The doc said there is no way to change her, and she is not going to change. I would be writing a novel to explain the sick and twisted relationship, but he did say that it is o.k. to lie, tell her I have to volunteer somewhere, and just get away. He said to tell her I am helping him with research, that way she can't give me crap, then go out and doing something enjoyable.

This is the first time in a long time I am up, and have been up since 6am. I dont' know if that's good or bad. I took Abilify yesterday. Maybe today I'll take the seroquel to see if that is better or worse. I dont' know yet, I mean, it's kindof nice not to be hating the fact I'm awake.

Today I"m going to a friends house. dd and her son are friends, and it's her little boys birthday today. My grandma has expressed that she doesn't like my friend, although they have NEVER MET. She is jeolous that I am going. I almost NEVER go anywhere, but never the less, she is jeolous. "" you never want to spend time with me, but you'll spend time with this kelly person, I guess she's your real family" oh well, I going, what grandma is doing is abuse, rather she realizes it or not.

Ok, so I wrote a book.

For those who know about vitamins, can taking vitamin d3 hurt? I know that sounds so stupid since I'm agreeing to take psych meds.
post #55 of 59
OP, I just wanted to say that you and your daughter are BEAUTIFUL!! Keep smiling.
post #56 of 59
Most americans are deficient in vitamin D, so yeah, I think your therapist is probably right on supplementing a bit. You can go to a regular doctor and have them test your vitamin D levels, if you're concerned about how much you should be taking...
post #57 of 59
D3 is great. I agree that you could do a blood draw to check your levels, but most Americans are low since we don't spend the time outdoors in the sun that we used to in earlier generations. I'm low and since I've been taking it and fish oil and had my thyroid meds adjusted my energy levels and depression are much much better. You can check out www.vitamindcouncil.org for more info. It can also ward off the flu and other illnesses.

I have a relative who is somewhat like your grandmother, though not really jealous so much as holier-than-thou and berating me to be better and not such a slacker (which I am not, but it's hard to tell myself that without wondering if maybe I really am when I hear that message constantly). I just have to distance myself and respond politely or side-step as much as I can. If my relative really starts yelling at me (which sometimes happens) I just have to walk away and realize that it's their problem and not me. It actually helps when I can see my relative doing this stuff about something or someone else. I've been the scapegoat for a long time, though. Anyway, I like your psych's advice. Just let it go and realize it's her not you.

Glad you're feeling better.
post #58 of 59
We are the same height and I weigh 70 more lbs than you do. And for all my weight, I still have B cup boobs.... I don't strip tease for dh any more but I don't hide my body from him. I change in the pool/gym locker room in the open just like the other ladies. I don't wear a bikini, but I still will wear a bathing suit w/ swim shorts in public. I have never felt proud of my body, and at most times these days I REALLY want to lose weight. So if you are at 130 lbs, and my height and you are having the thoughts and feeling you are having.... then it is my unprofessional opinion that you have a REAL mental issue that needs serious medical or professional help!!!!
post #59 of 59
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kailey's mom View Post
He knows that one of my main goals is to get off meds, and he's supportive, although he said this is not the time.

...

For those who know about vitamins, can taking vitamin d3 hurt? I know that sounds so stupid since I'm agreeing to take psych meds.
Your doctor is right on!

Ugh! Those are some destructive head games your grandma is playing. I'm sorry, you don't deserve that.

I had my vitamin D blood level checked just last week, got the results just the day before yesterday and it was very low. So I posted a PSA here at MDC just yesterday, extolling the benefits of vitamin D.

I did some research and found, like the ladies above mentioned, most Americans are D deficient. Scientists are finding that vitamin D is much more important than previously thought. Vitamin D is put in milk because it's necessary for us to properly absorb calcium, but no one drinks that much milk, we're not really supposed to. But vitamin D deficiencies are linked to heart disease, breast cancer, colon and rectal cancer, complications with diabetes and osteoporosis.

And vitamin D deficiency is linked to seasonal affective disorder (again, not enough sun light in winter), depression and the mental fog associated with it. Something a lot of us deal with.

My doc told me to start taking 2000mg of vit D3 and 1200mg of calcium. So I'm newly committed to taking multivitamins again. Dang, those pills are big! I end up taking a calcium pill at breakfast and another after dinner/before bed (the calcium pill also contains vit D). Along with the multivitamin and my other meds, it's a lot of pills. Oh well, it's a small price to pay for feeling better!

Sorry, I don't mean to hijack your thread! It sounds like you're on the right track. Do you have insurance that will pay for a therapist? I highly recommend it. You're on the brink of some great progress and a good therapist could be a big help.
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