1st "are you gonna circ" question

[craft_media_hero]

We're expecting our baby in July, not finding out til the birth if it's a boy or girl.

Today dp's dad asked, "I know it's not my business but I'm gonna ask anyways, if it's a boy are you gonna get him circumcised" to which I immediately responded, NO, at the same time dp responded I DON'T KNOW. Then my man got a stressed look over him and said "I forgot about that one" yeah, because you don't need to think about it, it's not going to happen. Then of course it had to come up about heh heh you-know-who isn't circumcised and giggle giggle. Just really stupid.

I am irritated because previously dp was totally on board with leaving our babe intact and now that little doubt seed is planted. Dp was saying how it's a part of the body that he doesn't have, so he won't know how to "clean it" , etc. I said, you don't have to do anything special, if the baby gets poop on his penis, you just wipe it downward, it's not a big deal; you don't have to scrub it with a toothbrush or anything.

UGH. I just tried to be very blase about not doing it, I cited how when we (me and dp) were kids, the circ rate was about 80% and nowadays it's down to about 50%, mentioned that it's elective and not medically necessary, and hey, we're pagans and love all of our genitals.

But I'm still irritated that his dad would put that out there. Coz I'm sure he's circed both his sons are circed and you know we just have to keep all our penises looking alike for all generations . . .

Anyways, it's not going to happen. I just want to barf, though, because his dad, tho divorced from his mom, gossips like hens with her, and I'm sure that this news is just going to be the new hot topic, when it has been a total non-issue up until now.

Nobody better even get in my face and try to pressure me, they will see my dark side come out. I'm all light-hearted and humorous, but seriously these people don't get a vote! And it's not going to happen, so I don't want to have to discuss/justify leaving a perfectly healthy organ un-mangled with people who are simply ignorant and are not willing to change their minds anyways.

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

It is so irritating when that happens. My fil gave me the hardest time and here I was 2 days pp stuck in a car with him taking my jaundiced ds to the hossy for blood work I so didnt need to have the debate with him right then, or ever for that matter.

[Arduinna]

Maybe he just said I don't know because he didn't want to get into it with his dad?

[KaylaBeanie]

Originally Posted by Arduinna

Maybe he just said I don't know because he didn't want to get into it with his dad?

That's my thought. To be honest, if someone who I knew was really going to lay it on me asked my opinion about circ prior to the fact, I'd either say something about it being a private decision or say I was still researching it, then change the subject. Because hey...it is a private decision(the unborn boy's), and there's always new research to read. It might be seen as taking the easy way out, but sometimes it's not worth indulging an awkward, emotionally charged conversation with someone who has a strong emotional attachment to the procedure.

[craft_media_hero]

True! I'll give my partner the benefit of the doubt!

In the future, maybe I will take that approach, too.

But now it's all over the family and we're "outed" tsk tsk.

[Night_Nurse]

Originally Posted by craft_media_hero

But now it's all over the family and we're "outed" tsk tsk.

If it comes up again just say "You know, I find all this talk about my son's genitals odd and it makes me uncomfortable. I know circ used to be recommended, but it isn't any longer. Besides, would you be asking me about surgery on my daughter's genitals???. So from now on, no more discussion about my child's genitals. Would you like to talk about your own penis/vagina? If so, I'd be happy to listen...".

It's really none of their business. Some people may ask questions or offer advice or their own personal stories, and that's fine and understandable. However, you shouldn't be bullied over your decision and there is no need for you to defend it. You could gently remind them your son can be circed as an adult if he so desires.

[outlier]

Originally Posted by Night_Nurse

"...Would you like to talk about your own penis/vagina? If so, I'd be happy to listen...".

Nice!

Would it be less stressful for you to just keep saying something simple, such as, "It's not our penis, it's not our decision. We're simply going to let him decide and that's all there is to it." Then you don't have to get into circ statistics with people who probably won't listen or care anyway and you won't risk offending sensitive family members who see your "choice" as some kind of judgment against what they did to their own kids.

[Jaesun's Dad]

It's common for the grandfather to ask the question. It's best to answer the question respectfully, honestly, and informatively without hostility or resentment. Of course my own father asked, I told him, and he argued with me for several phone calls until I snail mailed him clippings of articles to help him understand why we were choosing intact. On the next call he said "thanks for the information, I don't necessarily agree with all of it, but I do understand your decision". That was that. Hey, it was my dad, and he was cut, and had me cut, and while the decision itself was strictly between DP and I, this "explanation" dialog was between my own father and I. It should be your partner to have the talk with his dad, but if there's any doubt still in your partner's mind (which it sounds like) then I think you still need to have some *gentle* discussion there too.

[anj_rn]

I prefer, I guess you'll find out when you change his diapers.

[claddaghmom]

Originally Posted by Arduinna

Maybe he just said I don't know because he didn't want to get into it with his dad?

I used that same line at work about OBs/homebirth. "What hospital are you using?" "Who is your doctor?"

"Oh I don't know..."

[Honey693]

My answer if anyone asks this is going to be "We won't even pierce DD's ears, do you really think I'm going to cut off a chunk of DS's penis??"

[hakunangovi]

Good one "Honey..", I like that!! Also the line quoted by someone else here: "Why on earth would we ever do that?" along with incredulous expression.

[craft_media_hero]

Ah! Thanks for all the wonderful encouragement and ideas here; I really appreciate it! I like the "why on earth would we do that?" comeback, too.

I think I'll keep it short and sweet if it comes up with the rest of the family.

With my partner, I believe he's at about 85% to 90% supportive on keeping our baby intact (if a boy, lol, since we're not finding out til birth), but he still has some lingering cultural doubts and misgivings that I think are working themselves out, and I think once he holds his baby, he's not going to want to seek out someone to hurt it.

If it comes down to it, at that point (when the baby is here), then I'll show him a circ video. He is pretty sensitive, and I'm sure that would be the kicker, but hopefully unnecessary since the footage is so disturbing.

Thank you all for the support of this board!