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Please help

post #1 of 12
Thread Starter 
I am almost a single mom.... the divorce from my cheating husband has not gone through yet. He is living with the home wrecker and my kids are teens. He has not paid child support at all and in the mean time I am about to loose my home as soon as the bank decides to auction it off and I am on food stamps and state health care. As if I could feel like a lower piece of crap he continually lavishes my daughter for her birthday she got 2 Juicy purses and a tiffany ring all I could afford was to take her out to dinner. I am crushed and I do not even know how I should feel.
post #2 of 12
I'm sorry you're feeling so down right now. I don't know why you're calling the other woman a home wrecker though. Even though it sounds like she knew he was married,so did he and he's just as guilty as she is for "wrecking the home" maybe even more so since he was the married one. Either way if a Mod sees the name calling they may make an edit or ask you to.
post #3 of 12
Thread Starter 
sorry if calling her a home wrecker is offensive as I have nothing nice to say to either of them that are living high on the hog while I am left to pick up the pieces trying to figure out how to keep a roof over my children's head.
post #4 of 12
It's not that offensive to me,but it's a violation of the user agreement here at MDC and you can get a warning if Mods see it.
post #5 of 12
I hear ya -- my ex's girlfriend was someone I knew and I dont have anything nice to say about either one of them. Its hard to struggle doing whats right and watching our ex's live carefree -- but its our new reality and instead of letting it get me down I try and see it as a challenge. I hope my children will see me in my efforts and learn that they ulimately have to take control and change what they can. Sucks - but I'm over a year out now and we are in a nice rythym.. financially and all. I still havent found a way to deal with my intense negative feelings about ex when he has my children.... and just when I think I've found a way to deal with it - something seems to happen that puts me back to what feels like square one with my anger towards him. I just want to call him names and kick him in the groin - and am very proud of myself for not doing that - sucks being an adult sometimes
post #6 of 12
Do you have a lawyer? If so, he/she is not doing a very good job. Your situation is exactly what they have temporary orders for. My xh didn't want to pay child support either but my lawyer helped me file for temporary support until the divorce was settled. It took 18 months for my divorce to be finalized. Thank goodness I didn't have to wait that long to get child support started. You shouldn't be in this situation where he's not helping pay for the house either. A judge can make him continue paying for the house as well. No wonder you are so angry -- you are getting screwed and need better legal help.
post #7 of 12
Definitely get a temporary child support order ASAP. If he is making enough money, then he should be helping you pay for things. If he refuses to pay even though its been ordered a judge may order his wages garnished since the circumstances are dire (you're about to lose your home).

Have you talked to the bank? Whose name is the home in? Yours and his, or just one or the other??
post #8 of 12
Do you have an attorney? You need one!!!!
post #9 of 12
mama our children love us equally. you are no less in your children's eyes just coz you could only afford dinner. they may not show it but they know exactly who is doing what. as a teen your dd might fall for daddy's juicy purses more - but its more an expression of her age rather than the depth of her love.

i can see your anger with the choice of words you use. anger is an action emotion. i hope you are working on finding out who you are and what you like to do. once you start that you will find that you dont even really care about ex and 'homewrecker'. you want to vent and that term just about says it all for you.

dont go by societal crap. so yes you are a welfare mom, evicted from house mom... add to the list. but through all those you are still making it. you are still hanging in there.

the integrity of teh life you lead is much more important. taking care of yourself so your children are taken care of is very important. doesnt mean you need to visit a spa. it might mean a nice long scented, candled bath or a good book to read or an artwalk. whatever rocks your boat.

i remember initially feeling that i was so in hell and ex was having it so smooth. but much later i discovered how much better i was. i am still poorer than him and live in one room, but omg i have so much fun with dd. i have such a better life than him. not materially, but internally. i carry no anger towards him anymore. more compassion or pity.
post #10 of 12
Don't have any advice but I just wanted to give you a hug.
post #11 of 12
I agree, it's hard at first, when you feel so angry you just want to burst. But down the road, when you have your own life well underway, and you've moved on, you'll be surprised to find yourself feeling thankful he's gone.

Get that child support! Your kids need food, clothing and shelter, not expensive gifts!
post #12 of 12
I'll chime in with those who say you need a good lawyer asap!

I'm sorry you are in such a difficult situation. It is hard to pick up the pieces, but if you're children are teens, they see and know what is going on. They know a lot about right from wrong and I bet they see their fathers expensive gifts as an attempt to buy love from them.
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