New at this, and so many questions!

[expat-mama]

We're expecting our first little one in June/July and dh and I are both committed to co-sleeping at least for the first year or so. I have so many questions that I can't figure out and I don't know anyone that cosleeps (I don't know many other parents and my relatives are no help on the subject). I have read a bit on the subject but I keep finding conflicting information! Please help me figure this out so we can feel confident and comfortable and like we are approaching cosleeping safely by the time our babe gets here.

In the Dr. Sears books it says you should push the bed against the wall and never let the baby sleep between mum and dad. But in another book I'm reading it says that you shouldn't push the bed against the wall because that's dangerous. We have really hard floors with thin rugs on them in the bedrooms, and if baby fell out of bed, he would really knock his noggin! What is the right way to keep my baby from falling out of bed? In between us? Against the wall? Bed rail?

What do you do with the baby for naps/when mum or dad isn't sleeping next to him? I guess you can't leave him alone in a big bed? Won't he roll off...or something? Do you have a crib/bassinet/packnplay that you use for naps?

"They" say you shouldn't use blankets or sheets OR pillows near baby for fear of suffocating him. Really? What's the deal? Are we really all supposed to sleep on nothing but a covered mattress? That's no fun...

Sorry if these are silly questions...I just need to hear some practical advice from parents who've actually done this!

[maptome]

We've had DD sleep between us, with no blankets for anyone in the summer. Now, we sleep with her between the wall and myself, and I use a blanket. I feel like a lot of the advice can't be universal because your circumstance will change seasonally and as baby grows up. Just trust your instincts. Obviously, never drink or drug and sleep with baby.

As far as naps, my baby can't crawl yet, so I just put pillows so she can't roll off the bed (mattress on the floor), and I have a video monitor so I know immediately when she awakes. I'd like to hear what others have to say about when babe starts to crawl and napping.

[Louisep]

Congrats on your pregnancy!

Here's how it worked for us for the first 3 months. Not saying it's ideal or textbook but here you go.

DS was always on my left. I had a cosleeper pushed up against the bed as a last defence should he fall, but when they're tiny it's unlikely they can roll. We have a king and there was lots of space so ds wasn't near the edge. We often used a positioned anyway so he wouldn't have been able to roll off.

Ds wore a sleeper blanket in the winter and as a newborn was swaddled. No blanket. I wore longsleeved tops to bed and had covers up to my waist. Ds was nowhere near any loose sheets/ pillows etc when little.

Unless you use a positioner or a snugglenest, I'd say not to put your baby inbetween you both. The mother's instinct really is incredible. I never felt ds was unsafe as I felt aware of him even when asleep. I guess it depends on your dh but mine sleeps too deeply.

Things change as they get older. We started using blankets with ds around 9
months and he is surrounded by pillows when I'm not in the bed.

I mostly nap with ds and as a little one, I was always with him. A video monitor is worth the peace of mind for when you are not in the room. When your LO can crawl, you'll probably move the bed to the floor, but not all do. There's also crib side carring which you can do.

[Rasa]

Here's what worked for us for the first 2 years. Mattress off box-springs/frame and onto floor (we did that in stages but it caused me so much anxiety--worrying about baby somehow crawling/rolling off that I wished I'd just skipped to that step) and pushed up into a corner so our heads and baby's side was against the wall.

The risk about pushing the bed up to the wall is that with these softer mattresses, there will no doubt be a rounded edge and that will create a gap between the wall and bed which could entrap a little one. So I took a blanket or bath towels--not puffy ones but more of a dense variety--and rolled them tightly into a long roll and stuffed them between the wall and mattress. This created a flat surface even with the mattress--you can pack it down pretty tight.

Your baby won't move around much at first. Mine actually preferred to be sleeping in a semi-upright position--either on my chest or up on my arm especially until she was 5 months old (but she STILL does like this arrangement sometimes at 4.5 yrs old) and I KNOW this helped with her infant reflux. Pre-pregnancy I was used to wearing a sleep-type camisole and underwear to bed and using covers. Post-pregnancy I switched to light jersey PJ's with long sleeves/long pants and a very stretchy neckline (usually V-neck...and sleep nursing bra) to accommodate breastfeeding. Then I really didn't need covers at all but occasionally I really wanted a cover so I'd use a light cover or sheet and tuck it in so it only extended half-way across the bed, ending at me. DD has always been a bit of a 'hot' sleeper and has NEVER liked covers until recently. She's been fine with PJ's that cover her arms and legs with open feet--she can't stand covered feet either. You'll figure out what your child likes--I was amazed to see my friend dress her child in a one-sie UNDER a footed fleece PJ--my child would have ROASTED but hers was happy that way.

My baby was between me and the wall on my left side and DH could have slept on my right but he snores so much and due to his work schedule it really worked out better for him to switch to another bed--and I KNOW he enjoyed that uninterrupted sleep ;-) I also put a line of pillows at the end of the bed though my baby NEVER tried to get off the bed at night (cause I was always there--no reason for her to go searching for me!) though I do remember a phase when she was assimilating a LOT of info at once--learning something big like crawling or walking, I don't remember--where she would make a bee-line for the wall at our heads and bonk into the wall a bit. Freaked me out but she never 'woke' all the way up and my instinct got so good that I would catch her mid move and prevent any bonking.

I also developed an uncanny sense for when one of our 2 cats tried to snuggle up with the baby--which I forbade for the first year entirely. I couldn't lock them out of the room or they would have woken me up trying to dig under the door but I did end up CATapulting them away from her (gently, ha ha) quite a few times.

I have REALLY enjoyed the info provided about safe cosleeping by James McKenna's laboratory. I'd encourage you to read there too:
http://www.nd.edu/~jmckenn1/lab/faq.html

[Rasa]

Oh, also, don't know if I'm allowed to mention this here, but I got a lot of useful info off a yahoo groups cosleeping forum. I'm not sure the exact address but I'm sure you could google it pretty easily.

[CherryBombMama]

the baby was ALWAYS on my side when he was very little (before he could sit up.) afterwards, he slept in the middle. we use regular blankets, but we have two, and usually my dh has his own pulled up to himself, and i have my own pulled all the way up and the baby has his own we dont follow any "rules," just what feels safe and right for us...

[expat-mama]

Thanks for all the great insight and advice!

[Mirrormonkey]

Wow, For the first few weeks my ds2 slept in my arms snuggled under blankets (his head was exposed), now at 5 weeks he sleeps between us under his own blanket... I didn't realize there were rules for co-sleeping.

[To-Fu]

Here's Mothering's Co-Sleeping Safety Checklist:

http://www.mothering.com/sleep-envir...fety-checklist

We got a soft bumper to put on the edge of the (king-sized) bed and my son slept between it and me for a good long while before I felt secure enough letting him sleep between my partner and me (my partner sleeps pretty hard). We don't have a regular sheet, just the fitted one, and my husband and I each have our own twin-sized blanket. I keep my son uncovered (he doesn't like blankets anyway) and I sleep in a nursing tank with a cardigan on so that I can just pull the blanket up to my waist w/o freezing in the colder months.

We've had many arrangements with the bed, but for the longest time it's been just in the middle of the wall (no edge is pressed up against it) and either the mattress has been on the floor or we've had it on our super low bed frame.

As a side note, it's amazing how much space such a little person can take up in the bed! I wonder what's going to happen when we add another to the equation. :0

[mommy212]

My husband works nights so it's just me in the bed except for saturday and sometimes sundays nights. I cannot sleep without a blanket in the winter, so I have to have one. What I do is hold the blanket up to my mouth and see if it is breathable, and even then I keep it away from my LO's face. I don't generally need a pillow at night so I push them behind me when we sleep. We are also going to move the mattress to the floor soon because he is starting to move around more. as far as naps, I usually sleep with him. Since he goes to bed earlier than I do, I simply put him to sleep on the bed and go about the rest of my evening. I am not yet worried about him moving around, but when he can I will put the mattress on the floor and babyproof, babyproof, babyproof!

[SilverFish]

we sleep with a duvet and two pillows, with baby in the middle or on my side. she's usually swaddled, and she sleeps close enough to me that i'm not worried at all about my husband rolling on her. her fav place to sleep is next to my tummy, totally under the covers...they're up on my shoulders and create a little tent for her.

i look at all the lists of rules for bed-sharing, and then compare it to our actual experiences, and the rules just don't make that much sense to me. i'm only sleeping in 2-3 hour stretches right now anyway, and so lightly that i've never been unaware of what else is going on in the bed (certainly not deeply enough that i wouldn't notice her falling into a gap or getting smothered by an out of place pillow). even my husband is pretty aware of her and her noises, and right now the biggest risk to her safety is probably my darn cat, whose favourite place to sleep until she was born was next to me. but my spidey senses tingle whenever he even gets up on the bed, so far, we haven't had any issues.