DH is against treating ds's SPD - Page 2

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by Pookietooth

I was hoping a professional could pick a few that would apply to ds.

You might try telling your DH that you can't do this all by yourself, you need outside help.

It is completely unreasonable for any mother to feel that she must do EVERYTHING for her child, doubly so for moms of sn kids.

I also sounds like your DH has been supportive of trying things in the past. What's different now?

[KristyDi]

I'm not the parent of a SN kid, but I was a SN kid and I have my BS in inter-related special education.

I am dyslexic and so is my dad. He and I are very close and have frequently discussed our experiences as they relate to dyslexia. His was basically untreated since no one really even knew what it was. He didn't even know what was wrong with him until he was in his mid-20s and his nephew was diagnosed and my uncle, his brother called and told my dad he needed to get tested because my dad was so similar to my cousin. He was very aware that there was something wrong though. He's said that he honestly though he was stupid and had everyone fooled because people always said things like, "You're so smart, if you'd just try a little harder." He has self-confidence issues that last to this day.

My experience is vastly different. I was diagnosed in the summer after my 1st grade year. I received various types of support and interventions including a special school for 6-8th grades. I honestly don't feel like I have a disability. My brain works a little differently and I've had to learn some coping strategies that most people don't have to deal with.

I think the most telling difference in attitude about our dyslexia came out when someone asked us, "If there was a pill that could cure dyslexia, would you take it?" My dad said yes without hesitation. I said no.

Originally Posted by Linda on the move

I think DH also feels a little guilt -- like it is his fault that our child is falling apart at the seams, so it's easier for him to pretend that she is OK, that she'll out grow it, etc.

My dad has expressed to me that he had these feelings of guilt for passing on his disability to me, especially when I was going through my roughest times.

[HarperRose]

Originally Posted by Linda on the move

I think that things like this are why the divorce rate is so high for couples with sn kids.

DH and I have spent time in marriage counseling and part of that time was talking about DD and her issues.

If we can't talk to our partners about what is going on with our kids and feel heard, the relationship is in serious sh*t.

So my advice is to make appointments with both a marriage counselor and whoever your son needs to see. You gotta do what's right for your child, and your DH can make peace with it.

HUGE

[HarperRose]

Originally Posted by Linda on the move

The point of therapy is to get a child to do things that they aren't going to do on their own, so it is manipulative and/coercive. We each have to decide what is best for our child -- to be left in their comfort zone or pushed out of it.

...

But there are lots of ways that my DD has to be pushed out of her comfort zone that I just can't make fun. Non-coersive parenting/unschooling/etc. would, in her case, be child neglect. For some kids those philosophies work just fine, but they are luxuries my child doesn't get this lifetime.

Same here.

Originally Posted by betsyj

I would want my son to have the skills to navigate in the world as it is right now. Also, in the OP's case it seems like it is more about her husband's needs then her son's and that isn't right.

Absolutely agree. She's got a bit of a struggle to deal with this and I wish all the best.

Originally Posted by Linda on the move

You might try telling your DH that you can't do this all by yourself, you need outside help.

It is completely unreasonable for any mother to feel that she must do EVERYTHING for her child, doubly so for moms of sn kids.

I also sounds like your DH has been supportive of trying things in the past. What's different now?

Again, . You & I are on the same page w/ a lot of this, despite our previous interaction regarding dyslexia.

[joensally]

I agree with PPs. This is really tough stuff and I think PPs have given great advice.

Can you discuss with your DH the concept of being stuck versus making progress? Maybe he's stuck on his feelings of guilt (which it sounds like he's not consciously acknowledging, or his other very complicated feelings around these issues of SN). What you don't want is for your son to be stuck. Kids are supposed to develop and grow, and your son needs a little support to help him with that. It's sort of like tutoring for sensory needs.

When DS saw an OT at 3.5 I was very put off because she was really taken with behaviour mod techniques which didn't work for me at all. DS's current OT is all about helping DS learn about himself and having tools that he can use as he's out in the world. Very different vibe.

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by HarperRose

Again, . You & I are on the same page w/ a lot of this, despite our previous interaction regarding dyslexia.

I bet if we met in person we'd get along just fine.

I think that the internet can distill conversations down in ways that isn't always helpful. Facial expressions and such really make it easier to communicate!


Back to the OP -- the very best thing over the years for my DD's sensory issues has been swimming. Not only is it a completely normal activity as opposed to *therapy,* it can be done pretty much every day rather than once a week. I'd see if there's someplace to take indoor lessons now and give it a try. Outdoor may work better for your son because indoor pools can be echoy and more smelly therefore push some sensory buttons. (though once my DD got hooked, indoor pools were fine).

At least get him in swim lessons this summer. Lessons are better for kids with SPD than just playing in the pool because they have to keep doing new things and getting pushed past their comfort zone. (playing in water is great too, but I think that lessons are more theraputic, so I'd recommend both).

Swim team is also the ONLY sport that my DD has ever been able to participate in, so it's the only uniform, ribbons, trophies, team pictures etc. that she'll ever get. It's something to think about. Playing a team sport is a great thing for our kids, and since swimming is individual is really ideal for many SN kids.

[Surfacing]

don't have time to post but subbing

[HarperRose]

Originally Posted by Linda on the move

I bet if we met in person we'd get along just fine.

I think that the internet can distill conversations down in ways that isn't always helpful. Facial expressions and such really make it easier to communicate!

I absolutely concur.